Ilovemycats
New member
I will try to make this as short as possible, so bare with me.
Backstory:
In 2006, I didn’t have a job. A friend of mine knew of a place that was hiring, even though it wasn’t the best job or amazing pay, but it was a job. He got me an interview and I nailed it, scoring the job. Over the next few years at said job, I became very good friends with the woman (let’s call her “sally”) who hired me and, eventually, we became kinda flirtatious, even though she had a boyfriend, We never acted on anything but we knew we both had feelings for each other.
I eventually left that job because I moved away to another state for a girl. Dumb move. I moved back a year later. A few days after I moved back, I had met up with “sally” and we talked about what happened. She helped me through things, as friends do.
Fast forwarding a bit, we had hung out sporadically, just normally. Having drinks and talking. She was still with her boyfriend and I was still single until I met someone else not much longer afterwards, let’s call her “Sandra”.
I met “Sandra” at a club and we had talked all night that night. We eventually started dating. Shortly into the relationship, like 2-3 months, she had told me that, technically, she was still married even though they never really talked unless it was about their daughter because they were like a ticking time bomb whenever they would be in the same room. At first it was weird to know I was dating a woman who was married, at least on paper so to speak, but I got over it and we dated for almost 8 years.
During this time, “sally” had tried multiple times to reach out to me without my knowledge, but was unsuccessful.
Fast forward to 2 years ago. I randomly was watching a video online of a tv show clip and low and behold, “sally” was being interviewed on said tv show and I was like OMG!!! “Sally”!! I found out through this that she as running a “show” so I decided to go to said show to see her. It was amazing! I finally got to see her after all these years! She then introduced me to her husband (a different guy then back in 2006 and they had been married at this point for about 5-6 years)
Over those 2 years we kept in constant contact because I didn’t want to lose my friend again.
Fast forward to this past summer. She works fairly close to me, so I started visiting her after she got off work to hang out, talk, have tea etc etc.
After all the catching up conversations we had, our talks turned to her life and how miserable she had become. She hated that she turned into someone she didn’t really recognize anymore. I also had noticed it but never said anything because I was just happy to have my friend back in my life.
So after lots of long talks in person and via text, she decided that in order to become happy with herself, she was getting a divorce. Sure, it did have a little to do with us reconnecting, but ultimately, it was for her; for her sanity; for her happiness.
She had many long talks with her husband about it all. After he had snooped through her phone and saw all of our text messages, he just assumed it was because of me, that she wanted to be with me, which was kinda true, but again, she wasn’t happy with him anyway.
Fast forward to last night:
I got a very long text message about how she’s been having long talks with the husband and came to the decision that a poly-relationship was the way to go. He could see whoever he wanted and she could be with me and continue our relationship, however, that they are no longer getting a divorce because she’s still in love with him, yet is very much in love with me as well.
With all of that now said: I dunno what to do. Even though “Sandra” was technically married, it was never really a thing cause she hated him and they never talked unless it was about their daughter, which was very rare, so it was never something I thought about or had to worry about.
This situation, however, is very different because they live together and love each other, yet she really loves me as well.
Part of me says “who cares! Nothing changes. She loves me. We get to see each other and do couple things and be physical with each other (kissing, snuggling, sex etc etc). Why does it matter?”
But the other half says “well crap. There goes our future plans of moving in together next year and moving forward with our relationship and probably eventually getting married and having the perfect life.”
I’m at a loss, folks. I don’t have anyone in my life to talk about this particular situation, so I turn to you for help/advice.
What should I do? Just cut ties? Allow this poly-relationship to move forward knowing it may not (or might, I’m not a fortune teller) actually end up with just us?
Help!
Backstory:
In 2006, I didn’t have a job. A friend of mine knew of a place that was hiring, even though it wasn’t the best job or amazing pay, but it was a job. He got me an interview and I nailed it, scoring the job. Over the next few years at said job, I became very good friends with the woman (let’s call her “sally”) who hired me and, eventually, we became kinda flirtatious, even though she had a boyfriend, We never acted on anything but we knew we both had feelings for each other.
I eventually left that job because I moved away to another state for a girl. Dumb move. I moved back a year later. A few days after I moved back, I had met up with “sally” and we talked about what happened. She helped me through things, as friends do.
Fast forwarding a bit, we had hung out sporadically, just normally. Having drinks and talking. She was still with her boyfriend and I was still single until I met someone else not much longer afterwards, let’s call her “Sandra”.
I met “Sandra” at a club and we had talked all night that night. We eventually started dating. Shortly into the relationship, like 2-3 months, she had told me that, technically, she was still married even though they never really talked unless it was about their daughter because they were like a ticking time bomb whenever they would be in the same room. At first it was weird to know I was dating a woman who was married, at least on paper so to speak, but I got over it and we dated for almost 8 years.
During this time, “sally” had tried multiple times to reach out to me without my knowledge, but was unsuccessful.
Fast forward to 2 years ago. I randomly was watching a video online of a tv show clip and low and behold, “sally” was being interviewed on said tv show and I was like OMG!!! “Sally”!! I found out through this that she as running a “show” so I decided to go to said show to see her. It was amazing! I finally got to see her after all these years! She then introduced me to her husband (a different guy then back in 2006 and they had been married at this point for about 5-6 years)
Over those 2 years we kept in constant contact because I didn’t want to lose my friend again.
Fast forward to this past summer. She works fairly close to me, so I started visiting her after she got off work to hang out, talk, have tea etc etc.
After all the catching up conversations we had, our talks turned to her life and how miserable she had become. She hated that she turned into someone she didn’t really recognize anymore. I also had noticed it but never said anything because I was just happy to have my friend back in my life.
So after lots of long talks in person and via text, she decided that in order to become happy with herself, she was getting a divorce. Sure, it did have a little to do with us reconnecting, but ultimately, it was for her; for her sanity; for her happiness.
She had many long talks with her husband about it all. After he had snooped through her phone and saw all of our text messages, he just assumed it was because of me, that she wanted to be with me, which was kinda true, but again, she wasn’t happy with him anyway.
Fast forward to last night:
I got a very long text message about how she’s been having long talks with the husband and came to the decision that a poly-relationship was the way to go. He could see whoever he wanted and she could be with me and continue our relationship, however, that they are no longer getting a divorce because she’s still in love with him, yet is very much in love with me as well.
With all of that now said: I dunno what to do. Even though “Sandra” was technically married, it was never really a thing cause she hated him and they never talked unless it was about their daughter, which was very rare, so it was never something I thought about or had to worry about.
This situation, however, is very different because they live together and love each other, yet she really loves me as well.
Part of me says “who cares! Nothing changes. She loves me. We get to see each other and do couple things and be physical with each other (kissing, snuggling, sex etc etc). Why does it matter?”
But the other half says “well crap. There goes our future plans of moving in together next year and moving forward with our relationship and probably eventually getting married and having the perfect life.”
I’m at a loss, folks. I don’t have anyone in my life to talk about this particular situation, so I turn to you for help/advice.
What should I do? Just cut ties? Allow this poly-relationship to move forward knowing it may not (or might, I’m not a fortune teller) actually end up with just us?
Help!
