I think we been in the wrong space

B

BrianandAllie

New member
Disclaimer I will use all the wrong terms probably

Me striaght, wife bi.

Been going to lifestyle clubs and just not the thing. Not looking for couple swap, the bride is bi and its who she is. Not unicorn hunting as this is not a wham bam scenario. Not one night stand kind of people. It's a beyond the sheets kind of thing.

My attraction to the other woman not a mandate.

In the bedroom my bride is all I want, and they are welcome to be what each other want.

So I don't know what that is but it doesn't seem to fit in the swing space as people are thrown by her not wanting a man, and me not all wanting another woman. Not saying off the table but its not a threesome fantasy here.

Acknowledging her attraction to multiple energies beyond myown.
 
Hi Brian - and welcome to the Forum! Yep, as SEASONEDpolyAgain said - it seems that perhaps Allie should simply explore relationships with females on her own or with like-minded friends.

I would suggest that both your user name (a name for you as a couple - our guidelines actually state that each participant have his/her own account) and your mention of trying out lifestyle clubs suggest a "swinger" mindset - which is "couple-centric", whereas polyamory is not couple-centric. Despite the myth being promoted by the media, polyamory is almost never about a couple adding a hot bi-babe to make a happy FMF threesome. In reality, the most common configuration for a polyamorous married couple is one in which both partners each date independently. In some cases, one partner is poly, and other is not. This situation would obviously have its own challenges, but many mono men just coming into the idea of poly, seem to find the idea of their wife dating other women easier to accept than the idea of their wife dating other men.

Here is a link to a list of some of the best websites for more information on polyamory:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108191

There are also a number of good books on poly, but many of us feel that Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino to be the best introduction to poly (available in hard copy or digital from Amazon et al).

Again, welcome to the Forum - and please do hesitate to post any specific thoughts and questions that you might have. Al
 
What you are looking for is a mono/poly relationship, with you being mono and your wife being poly. That is certainly in the realm of poly. I agree swingers clubs are not the place to look for such a thing. Perhaps your wife would have better luck looking on dating sites, but I'm not the one to be giving dating advice for bi women...lol.

Have you thought about the struggles you may go through? There are threads on here that deal with issues that arise from mono/poly relationships.
 
Hello BrianandAllie,

It sounds like you are somewhat shooting for an MFF V, with your wife as the hinge, and you and the other woman as the legs of the V. If you and the other woman were to get romantically/sexually involved with each other, then you would have a triad. Either way, it is polyamory. Polyamory has emotional involvement, swinging generally does not. Although many swinging couples do branch off with another swinging couple, and become polyamorous with them. It's not unusual for a couple to start out in swinging, then transition to poly. That seems to be where you are. I hope you find the woman you're looking for; let us know if we can help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Magdlyn said:
Fixed it.
Click to expand...

I don't think it needed "fixing".

Just my personal opinion here, but "you" could have meant both the husband and the bi-wife. She (the bi-wife) is looking for a woman to partner with, ane he (the husband) wants his wife to be happy... ergo, they both should receive good wishes on the search.
 
RichardInTN said:
I don't think it needed "fixing." Just my personal opinion here, but "you" could have meant both the husband and the wife. She is looking for a woman to partner with, and he wants his wife to be happy. Ergo, they both should receive good wishes on the search.
Click to expand...

You're welcome to your opinion, of course.

My partner would never in a thousand years go on a site asking for help for HER to find ME an OSO. Of course, she'd be happy if I found a good person to date. But it's never the job of a partner to find another partner for their partner. LOL

In my opinion, if you want a partner for yourself, you go look for one. "BrianandAllie" are barking up the wrong tree by presenting as a unit. Brian can speak for Brian, Allie can speak for Allie (I hope!). Maybe she's shy. She needs to step outside her comfort zone for success.

Allie can just go seek a gf independently, in a gay bar, or online, or by doing activities that include single or poly women who like women. I think many female prospective partners would be turned off by a man insinuating himself into this search.

He asked for advice, that is my advice. This couple, as a unit, were naturally disappointed with the results in the couple-centric and heterocentric swinger scene. What is needed is a change of mindset, to more independent polyamorous thinking.
 
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