celestialboy
New member
This has been an interesting year for me. I got into my first long-term relationship this summer with someone and they are polyamorous. They told me on our first date. I remember not really caring and being pretty open to the concept. I saw it as an interesting vague idea that I would maybe explore one day. I wasn't super interested in him at first, but things switched a few months in after I fell for him. I then had to face the fact that he had another girlfriend that he had been with for 2 years and she was visiting in a week.
This is the first time I had felt real visceral jealousy in my life, and by the time I saw what it was like it was too late. I had already become deeply attached to him. The day she arrived was one of the most emotional days I've experienced. It was a few days before my birthday and I remember feeling completely helpless and devastated. He has always been very sweet and reassuring. Then we spent my birthday together, which was very lovely.
He told me that she wanted to meet me and that I was invited to a party she was hosting. I knew that would be extremely difficult for me and said that I appreciated the invite, but that I would not be going. I started researching polyamory and how to deal with jealousy. I learned that it takes a lot of inner work and that it comes from insecurity.
I ended up looking through all her socials and forcing myself to look at pictures of them together. Would not recommend. I concluded that I would go to the party and meet her because, either I'd get upset and end this nightmare and break up with him, or I'd find she really wasn't that bad, and maybe we would even become friends?
After that, he said he might be affectionate with her in front of me. I had to beg him to tell her how I felt and to not do it in front of me. The drive there was anxiety-filled for both of us. He had never had 2 partners at once and we were both trying to help each other. We parked, and walked through this beautiful garden that was in front of her house and made it to the front door. She greeted us at the door and we introduced ourselves to each other. She was a bit short, with dark short hair. I don't want to describe her in too much detail in case anyone would recognize her, but I will say she has some very cool tattoos. The party ended up being very fun. She was a good host.
But unfortunately, I was still plagued with intense jealousy. Any time I saw them hang out I would be consumed in sadness. I was asking everyone in my life what to do. Most people just said, break up with him, you're obviously not doing well. I spent hours at work trying to think through my feelings. I tried working on my boundaries and communication, which has helped. It seemed like everything would be ok and eventually I would get past it.
He had to move away because of college and he invited me to come with him to help him move. It was a super fun trip.
There was a moment where we were in town and he flirted with the cashier. He has a habit of saying how attractive they are to me. This absolutely ruined my day and I told him how upset I was and that he can't tell me those things. I don't have a problem with him being attracted to other people. That is a very natural thing. I just wasn't able to hear it.
I've tried so hard to fit this polyamorous mold, but I'm just never able to feel at peace. Being long distance obviously hasn't helped, as he's looking for another partner there. I am also trying to find other people to try and see if that will help, but I really don't enjoy the dating process. I love him. I really want him to be happy. But the truth is, I hate being polyamorous, and the pain that comes with it. I'm just not sure what to do. I feel trapped in this relationship because I love him so much and I really don't want to lose him and he's a really great partner. I'm probably just going to keep staying with him. I just need to scream this to the void.
Thank you for reading.
This is the first time I had felt real visceral jealousy in my life, and by the time I saw what it was like it was too late. I had already become deeply attached to him. The day she arrived was one of the most emotional days I've experienced. It was a few days before my birthday and I remember feeling completely helpless and devastated. He has always been very sweet and reassuring. Then we spent my birthday together, which was very lovely.
He told me that she wanted to meet me and that I was invited to a party she was hosting. I knew that would be extremely difficult for me and said that I appreciated the invite, but that I would not be going. I started researching polyamory and how to deal with jealousy. I learned that it takes a lot of inner work and that it comes from insecurity.
I ended up looking through all her socials and forcing myself to look at pictures of them together. Would not recommend. I concluded that I would go to the party and meet her because, either I'd get upset and end this nightmare and break up with him, or I'd find she really wasn't that bad, and maybe we would even become friends?
After that, he said he might be affectionate with her in front of me. I had to beg him to tell her how I felt and to not do it in front of me. The drive there was anxiety-filled for both of us. He had never had 2 partners at once and we were both trying to help each other. We parked, and walked through this beautiful garden that was in front of her house and made it to the front door. She greeted us at the door and we introduced ourselves to each other. She was a bit short, with dark short hair. I don't want to describe her in too much detail in case anyone would recognize her, but I will say she has some very cool tattoos. The party ended up being very fun. She was a good host.
But unfortunately, I was still plagued with intense jealousy. Any time I saw them hang out I would be consumed in sadness. I was asking everyone in my life what to do. Most people just said, break up with him, you're obviously not doing well. I spent hours at work trying to think through my feelings. I tried working on my boundaries and communication, which has helped. It seemed like everything would be ok and eventually I would get past it.
He had to move away because of college and he invited me to come with him to help him move. It was a super fun trip.
There was a moment where we were in town and he flirted with the cashier. He has a habit of saying how attractive they are to me. This absolutely ruined my day and I told him how upset I was and that he can't tell me those things. I don't have a problem with him being attracted to other people. That is a very natural thing. I just wasn't able to hear it.
I've tried so hard to fit this polyamorous mold, but I'm just never able to feel at peace. Being long distance obviously hasn't helped, as he's looking for another partner there. I am also trying to find other people to try and see if that will help, but I really don't enjoy the dating process. I love him. I really want him to be happy. But the truth is, I hate being polyamorous, and the pain that comes with it. I'm just not sure what to do. I feel trapped in this relationship because I love him so much and I really don't want to lose him and he's a really great partner. I'm probably just going to keep staying with him. I just need to scream this to the void.
Thank you for reading.
