Interested to learn more

K

kitkatcrunchy

New member
Hello,

My name's Katy. I'm new to the term polyamory, and would love some feedback on whether you think it might suit me.

I'm 25, and have been in several monogamous relationships. The longest was four years, and 3 others between six months and a-year-and-a-half. I've always actively kept in contact with my exes because I figure it's a great mental connection to have built, and I'd never want to lose that. I've never been bothered or jealous of my exes' partners besides an odd desire to want to be closer to their girlfriends so that we can all interact with each other better overall. I've always kept this to myself, as I don't think it'd go down well. I have no sexual desire towards other girls, but I'm also very comfortable with the idea of being around them in intimate environments.

It'd be great to hear your thoughts. Thanks :)
 
Hello Katy and welcome!
Sounds like you have a deep sense of compersion for your ex's, even if they are ex's. How have the new girlfriends responded to you remaining friends and wanting to interact with them gone over with them? If both your ex and his new girlfriend are comfortable with it, that's a great thing.
Very curious to see how things work out with future relationships...
Good luck and keep us updated.
 
Yes, according to wiki's definition, that's definitely the feeling. I feel very happy with their successes in relationships and more than that, and really hope it works out for them. The girlfriends I think handle it relatively well. Their boyfriends have shown that keeping in touch is important, and nothing has ever occurred that would misplace their trust. They are pleasant and civil, but no more than that. To be honest, if I get to keep in touch with the people I care about, that's good enough. I understand it's too much to ask for more than that.

I've kept a friendship up for 4 years with one of my exes, and 3 with another. So I feel confident it should continue to work out.

Thank you for the welcome and encouragement.
 
Welcome kitkatcrunchy,
Excellent to have you on our forum.

I have a book to recommend: "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. It reeeally covers a lot ground. Not just polyamory, but other forms of responsible non-monogamy (e.g. swing) as well. It really helps put things in perspective! and it works as a guidebook to help you figure out what you do and don't want out of your poly relationships.

Other good resources ...

Golden Nuggets board
Book and Website Recommendations
Franklin Veaux's poly pages
Glossary
Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Browse around on those, and on all our threads and boards in general, and see what calls to you. Chime in with any questions, comments, or concerns you may have.

Sounds like you're ahead of the curve if you have little jealousy, and lots of compersion. :)

Alas, coming out can be sooo hard for a polyamorist to do. The love/life choices involved are not widely accepted. Nonetheless, poly is getting a foothold in the media and popular mind, little by little.

You've done quite well if you've managed to stay friends with all of your ex's. That's certainly the ideal, but so many people just can't part without hating each other ... :(

Who knows what the future may hold. You'll probably find (regain?) the partner/s that is/are perfect for you, just when you least expect it!

I hope Polyamory.com will serve you well.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
My feedback is that if what you've read about the term polyamory resonates with you, then it might suit you.

Do you think you would enjoy being in multiple romantic relationships concurrently? Do you find that when you're in love with someone, you still have eyes for other people?

If you're here and asking about it, then there's a good chance the term polyamorous resonates with you in some way. But at the end of the day, only you can make the choice whether the term polyamorous would fit you.

I don't think there's any need to decide one way or another. I prefer to just live my life and focus on needs and feelings, rather than labels and boxes. But some people find that labels are a big part of their identity, and I don't want to take away from that either. So really it's up to you :)
 
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