Inaniel
Well-known member
A thread I recently replied to got me thinking about this concept. I feel like there is ethical dilemma when it comes to one sided polly. I feel like we see this pretty often in this community; one person in a historically mono relationships has a change of heart and wants to peruse Poly, and the other person plays along as long as they can get some action too, only to find out they are mono and or their “poly” partner doesn’t like the idea of them seeing people after all. I’ve seen this issue be the source of much contention out of “fairness”.
I think I have a heightened sensitivity to this because of my own situation. Im a male hinge in a relationship with two women. One woman identifies as poly while the other identifies as mono. When approaching anxieties about each of them having additional relationships I have found that my concerns tend to be vastly different for each and it is based on their individual core philosophies. This hasn’t been much of an issue for us as of yet, however it has broadened my perspective.
I think we tend to see one sided poly and chastise it as unfair out of the gate. Or we fail to recognize the Many factors at play, many situations aren’t as simple as “me sleep with someone else; you sleep with someone else”
As an extreme we have seen individuals that want to go out and date, but want their SO at home being mono. On the surface this screams ethical dilemma to me, but if everyone is happy I suppose it’s all dandy. I think people that find themselves interested in poly are quick to run to their partners and say “hey hunny *lets be poly” as a way to ease tramatazation to the mono partner. It seams like the approach of “hey hunny, I want to try being poly, but I want you to keep being mono if that’s what you want”. Would be a better solution for some couples.
From an even broader perspective, would it be unethical for a poly person to be only attracted to and only seek out mono partners? It’s not like opposites attract is a new concept by any means, and this idea seems to fall squarely into that category.
I think I have a heightened sensitivity to this because of my own situation. Im a male hinge in a relationship with two women. One woman identifies as poly while the other identifies as mono. When approaching anxieties about each of them having additional relationships I have found that my concerns tend to be vastly different for each and it is based on their individual core philosophies. This hasn’t been much of an issue for us as of yet, however it has broadened my perspective.
I think we tend to see one sided poly and chastise it as unfair out of the gate. Or we fail to recognize the Many factors at play, many situations aren’t as simple as “me sleep with someone else; you sleep with someone else”
As an extreme we have seen individuals that want to go out and date, but want their SO at home being mono. On the surface this screams ethical dilemma to me, but if everyone is happy I suppose it’s all dandy. I think people that find themselves interested in poly are quick to run to their partners and say “hey hunny *lets be poly” as a way to ease tramatazation to the mono partner. It seams like the approach of “hey hunny, I want to try being poly, but I want you to keep being mono if that’s what you want”. Would be a better solution for some couples.
From an even broader perspective, would it be unethical for a poly person to be only attracted to and only seek out mono partners? It’s not like opposites attract is a new concept by any means, and this idea seems to fall squarely into that category.
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