Is it ever *less* complicated?
- Thread starter Tracy
- Start date
AnnabelMore
Active member
Funny, I *just* said to my gf that my hope is to make things for our vee less complicated, rather than more... specifically, I think that by helping with childcare I can create space for she and her husband to reconnect physically, which will then create sufficient energy for she and I, and she/he/I to do the same. Whereas without that support, maybe it would be harder and take longer for them to get to the point where they can think about anything but the baby. Plus, I get to hang out with their awesome baby!! Win/win/win.
redpepper
Active member
yes, but I have completely adjusted how I do relationships. I don't do them like I did monogamous ones. They are just different, not the same but more complicated.
I feel like my poly relationships have been less complicated, not more, because no one has to waste energy on jealousy, guilt, suspicion, etc. Not that we never have those emotions, but because we promptly talk about them, instead of bottling them up, we have fewer pent up feelings and more time for fun stuff.
Insane00illusions
New member
I actually just did a report for one of my classes about therapy for "non-traditional" couples and learned that once therapists can learn more and put aside their own beliefs (something that must be done with any different culture, religion, ect..) they find that poly people mostly have the same problems as other types of relationships... just more people in the equation.
redpepper
Active member
It is in mono relationships too no?
After 30+ years in a marriage where we never learned to deal with jealousy properly, feeling confused and "wrong" about my desire for others, and now 3 years into being separated/divorced from that guy, and in an open relationship with a poly woman, and lots of dating experiences with others with my partners full support, I can say, I totally agree with that statement.
IndieSolo
Active member
When I first read this comment, I thought you were just saying poly peeps have to be more aware than monos. I missed the second "more." So, yeah, while monogamous relationships require the same awareness to be successful, I think the biggest difference is, as you stated, not that in poly we have to be "more aware" but, rather, that we have to be aware of more people. And that can be tricky to navigate.
OpenandCountry
New member
As a (sort of) newbie, I am finding this out more and more every day.
SourGirl
Member
Awhile ago, I would of said 'No, never.' The very basic logic being; More people, automatically means more problems.
I have learned the last few years, that you have two types of multi-loving people.
You either have the type that wants to love whoever they fall in love with, and work through any, and all issues. They see a future where problems have been worked through, and peace and enjoyment will be around.
You also have a type that wants the 'right' kind of people to love. They want people who 'gel' and blend into each other`s lives, and tend to skip over the drama. Usually they are people who have learned to just enjoy the moment, not build expectations. This type might learn each other slower, as battles are few and far between, but it does seem to be 'less complicated' when everyone gels.
To be honest, the only long-term successful poly/open party people I know, just 'fell' into it. They don't concern themselves with the 'Here`s How You Do It' crowd, anymore then the crowd of nay-sayers. They just live.