Is it Poly and anyone else Mono/Poly?

sweetersong

New member
Not sure if it is even technically classed as Poly, but I figure other than the main forum I started and found out about this in, this would be the best place for support.

I am a bisexual female, been married to my husband for 8 years and always been in a mono relationship. However, my feelings have gradually worn on me that I need a woman, not just physically, but as a loving relationship.

My husband and I talked about this last month and although he is nervous he is happy to go down this route. I have said I am happy for him to also date should he wish, but as someone who doesn't like socialising that much, it is not really for him at this place in time.

So, just really an introduction to us. I am hoping to be able to use what I learn not only for my support, but his as well. There is no other partner in my life yet, although I have a date next week sometime, so will see how things go
 
I'm in a mono/poly relationship with me being the mono partner and for me it works out just fine. I get all I need from her and an additional partner isn't something that is off the table for me in the future. If anything I think I may be polysexual meaning I can have a sexual relationship with more then one person but that may even be a stretch for me. I'm happy with just one person.
 
Thankyou for this. It is good to know there are others like this out there. May tell my husband to come and look on here so he feels he has a bit if support as well, especially to see how common it is now
 
My husband is polysexual (lots of friends with benefits) and sam is monogamous. I have agreed to Sam that I would not seek other partners but he's fine with me having occasional 3somes with Nate (although I haven't done that in a few years) I never thought I would agree to polyfi but here I am and I feel completely fulfilled. I hadn't had any other partners in years so it wasn't a hard agreement to make
 
We are also a mono/poly household... I am bigendered, (female body) and dissociative so when brain switches so does relationship needs... he does not want the hassles of extra relationships.
 
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Sue, thankyou, it is good to read peoples experiences.

I don't *think* I would ever want another man as a partner, other than my husband. Nothing to do with how he would feel about it, but , just me, I would say I am definitely a 4 on the Kinsey scale of bisexuality, if it wasn't for my husband I could see myself being with women full time, I have no desire to have a romantic association with other guys, even though I love my husband completely.
 
Sue, thankyou, it is good to read peoples experiences.

I don't *think* I would ever want another man as a partner, other than my husband. Nothing to do with how he would feel about it, but , just me, I would say I am definitely a 4 on the Kinsey scale of bisexuality, if it wasn't my husband I could see myself being with women full time, e no desire to have a romantic association with other guys, even though I love my husband completely.

I use to be that way. My main focus was always to find a female partner but after years of searching for a poly woman that I was compatible with I gave up. Oddly enough I found Nate to be very nurturing and so he fullfilled that desire I had to be with a woman. I would have been fine continuing to be with Nate alone and dating here and there but then Sam and I got together and it's been amazing
 
I try not to get hung up on "is it poly?" questions / debates, because I'm not a fan of labels. If calling it "poly" helps you cope or explain it to people, then call it poly. Regardless of how some people act, there are no "poly police" who can tell you whether or not you're allowed to call a certain arrangement "poly."

I'm poly and my husband is not. He's open to exploring sexually with people, but "one relationship is more than enough work, thank you very much."
 
Yet another mono/poly arrangement here. My husband is open for other relationships / sex share with others, but not looking at the moment. My other partner is mono.

When I met my husband, I was looking for a relationship with a woman, did not find anything suitable. I started looking for a woman again a couple of years ago... and found Mark, my other guy. Now I have no interest in other relationships at all, am very happy and content with what I have.

Life is full of surprises! It is good to be open for the unexpected.

Oddly enough I found Nate to be very nurturing and so he fullfilled that desire I had to be with a woman.

This happened to me with Mark. He fulfills those needs of mine that I thought only a woman would be able to...
 
I'm a mono cisgender female in a poly vee; the hinge is my bisexual boyfriend, and the other arm is his gay husband who has casual sexual encounters but no other "relationships". Hinge has a male FWB that he sees very infrequently, perhaps twice or three times a year.

I have found a great deal of support and advice here - GalaGirl is wonderful for getting you to think clearly! As a mono I also read a forum for monogamous people involved with poly people on the Yahoo groups website. Your husband might like to subscribe to it for some different points of view.

It's not for the faint-hearted (read some of my crises on this forum, lol) but worth it. I can't imagine him not being in my life now. I have yet to meet my metamour. They have been together 15 years, married for a year and a half; Hinge and I are celebrating our first anniversary next week :)
 
My husband and I are mono/poly. I've known since high school that monogamous relationships didn't "feel right" for me, but forced myself into them because that was what seemed to be expected. Last year, hubby and I decided to try an open marriage. Hubby "played" with another woman a couple of times but decided it wasn't really his thing. I had a a couple of friends with benefits, and with one of them the feelings and connection deepened until in September, with hubby's encouragement, the other guy became officially my boyfriend.

Hubby says he wouldn't mind having sex with another woman if it happens, but he doesn't care enough about it to seek it out. He considers himself completely monogamous. He has no problem with me having my guy, and neither Hubby nor Guy has any issues if I hook up with another guy (though I'm not particularly interested in doing so at this point; I just like having options). Since Guy currently lives over 800 miles from me and we haven't seen each ohter in months, he hooks up with other women, but makes it clear to them that the most he's interested in is a friends with benefits arrangement; he doesn't want a *relationship* with anyone other than me.
 
I am poly, but both of my guys are mono. Each of us identifies as straight. My husband has zero desire to date anyone, and being with me is my boyfriend's first experience with this sort of thing. He says he is very unsure about dating others himself in the future. As of right now, we are a closed, polyfi Vee and all of us are happy with it.
 
Partner is poly, I would rather be mono but have a bf because I don't like doing mono/poly. Or maybe I don't like myself in a mono/poly dynamic. Whatever, at the moment its working better this way. Polys often live mono lives for one reason or another so I don't really have any problem with teaching myself to be poly if it makes my primary relationship work better.

@sweetersong, there's a very good poly/mono group over at yahoo. It is very supportive and nurturing for monos in relationships with poly people.
 
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I opened my marriage a year and a half ago to pursue a relationship with a woman. After she and I broke up, I found I couldn't go back to monogamy, but since then have only dated men, as I've found it very difficult to find women willing to engage emotionally and sexually with a married/bi woman. I'm still hoping my future girlfriend is around here somewhere, though....

My husband remains monogamous by his choice. He doesn't have the libido or the time (he works a lot) to have any other relationships. You can read my blog on this site if you like, "Captain's Log," about how our journey has played out so far. My husband isn't as supportive as yours seems to be. He's tolerant.

I'm like a 5 on the sexuality scale, though I feel like my attraction to men starts sexual and turns emotional, whereas with women it starts emotional and turns sexual.
 
....as I've found it very difficult to find women willing to engage emotionally and sexually with a married/bi woman. I'm still hoping my future girlfriend is around here somewhere, though....

I understand this so well... its heartbreaking sometimes.
 
Partner is poly, I would rather be mono but have a bf because I don't like doing mono/poly. Or maybe I don't like myself in a mono/poly dynamic. Whatever, at the moment its working better this way.

Uhm... does your boyfriend know he's being used in this way? That you'd rather not be with him, but it's convenient for avoiding other issues?
 
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