In polyamorous relationship, there does not need to be group sex for everything to be legit. As adults, we all give our informed consent. So, Allie *could* have sex with Hank without you there, if, say, you weren't in the mood to watch them fuck for hours even after you were done and really just wanting to sleep. You could let them go at it, and you could go to the guest room or wherever to just rest, or do other things such as play a game or watch TV or clean or do another hobby or go work out, walk the dog, etc., etc.I think Allie insists upon my presence because that makes it "legitimate", that is, she's not having a clandestine affair behind my back. That would violate her moral code,
Or he could come visit and you could not have group sex at all (if you didn't feel like it). Maybe you and Allie could have sex before he comes over, and then he has his turn. However, if group sex is your own personal kink (and you're not just doing it out of some idea that it makes Allie feel like she is being "good" while being "bad") then, fine, you do you.
This is not all about Allie (and Hank). Your feelings, desires, etc. matter just as much.
Or talk to her about that! It's her thing, not his.I think. I don't know...she's a dichotomy...wants to be perceived as "straight-laced", but wants to be naughty, too! I'll have to talk to Hank about that...
My partner Pixi and my bf are decades younger than me. They have no problem with that and neither do I. I am young at heart so we can have lots of "fun," but they also appreciate my experience and what they call "wisdom." 6 (or 16) years is nothing to worry about, once we are out of our 20s, I feel. I know that's a loaded subject and many people would disagree. I've just always been fine with intergenerational platonic friends and lovers. I do not exploit anyone, or felt exploited, because of age differences.I appreciate your insight...and your candor. When you told me your age, and still-active libido, I was surprised, and it gave me something to think about. Allie is 38, and looks 15 years younger...she still gets carded in bars sometimes...seriously! To see what she looks like, watch an old Dick Van Dyke TV show, with Mary Tyler Moore. Take away the lacquered-down hair and excess make-up, and you have Allie's doppelganger. Allie's whole family carries some kind of extra youth genome; she has four younger siblings, and they all look like high-school kids, though they're mostly in their 30's. Her mother is 64, and looks to be in her 40's.
I'm already 6 1/2 years older than Allie...what's it going to be like in 25 years? She'll be 63, I'll be pushing 70. Makes me think!
The one one shares a household and finances with. Pixi shares in all that with both Malachi and me. It took years to get to that point, of course.How do you determine who is your "primary" partner?
Why didn't sharing sex with Pixi and your bf or a FWB work?
That would be a long story, and it was different with each guy. Basically, I find triads way too complicated. It takes mad relationship skills on all parts, and the guys I tried it with did not have those.
I guess in my case, Allie is my primary (read only) partner, and I'm her primary. But I wonder who Hank considers his primary? Another thing to ask him about...