I had posted months ago.....gosh, it seems like ages, now.
My husband and I were involved with another woman, and we were all sexually involved, but the love relationship truly occurred between she and I. My husband was great, through all of it. Needless to say, he enjoyed himself in the bedroom, we ALL did, we loved being together, the three of us. She and I loved being together, the two of us, and Husband and her got a few chances to enjoy one another on their own, when the rare opportunity presented.
At first, it seemed effortless. She was a very dear friend of mine, who turned into a woman that I loved, very deeply. Husband works over 80 hours a week, typically, and we have two young ones. She was there, as a friend, a source of adult conversation (shoot me now, PJ Masks), and we developed a very loving, very in love, relationship, over the course of two years.
I am very communicative. She, not so much. I am expressive. She, keeps how she really feels to herself, usually. We were so close before our romantic relations began, so she trusted me more than anyone, already. Still, she kept to herself, emotionally.
This took a serious toll on me. Last fall, I went into a serious bout of anxiety and depression, the first in YEARS, because she'd become involved with a man of her own, but has, many months later, admitted to kind of throwing all that NRE in my face, because she felt she needed attention, and she had to share me with another.
Being our first poly anything, we didn't do enough to protect OUR relationship, before we added someone new. I thought it was okay with me, and maybe it could have been, had she been discreet about her goings on with him. Insert "best friend conundrum------> here. We shared SO MUCH before, it was hard to see where the line should have been drawn. For me, I had a husband, and two babies. Any time I had carefully and consciously drawn out for her was VERY valuable to me. At that time, to her, it was not.
After much contemplation, I had worked up the nerve to ask her if she'd be open to just being with us? Would that hinder her autonomy, seeing that we were already married, raising two kids together? Would she feel boxed in?
She responded, I was waiting for you to ask me to just be with you guys. I have always wanted to just be with you guys.
So we were. Just us three.
Then, I caught her in a massive lie, basically uncovering that she had never actually told this other person (who wasn't even a partner, but a really self-serving Dom) that she was just going to be with us. I gave her another chance. This was all new to us. This construct, this lifestyle. I knew how scary it must have felt to be in her position. I tried to flex, to make her ease into it a little more comfy.
Then we had a blowout, of massive proportion. She was very upset, hurt, offended by me introducing her as my dearest friend to a family on the beach at my parent's beach home (we are not out to them, but are to many others). Husband witnessed it, and was displeased, to say the least. He is a total drama free man. This, woman to woman bickering was all too much for him. She and I needed to check ourselves.
She had said multiple times (before blowout) that she totally supported my marriage, and she knew that he is a little more outwardly traditional than I am. Some of this stuff was just a bit too much for us to share, with our families.
I have discovered again, that she continues to lie.
Then, two weekends ago- another one. She got very angry. At things we've discussed, at length, about how this would be a success. Things like, there are times when I will get caught up in the vacuum of parenting. It happens. My kids also ADORE her. She's not left waiting for something to do.....she has her own room here at the house, and accommodations aplenty.
Sooooooooo
Husband said No More. It has now come between us. I had to end it, and our friendship is in danger of dying because of it.
She's heartbroken, as am I. Am I heartbroken, though? Or, am I mourning the death of a HUGE chunk of my life for the last two years? I had never loved a woman before.
I feel relieved, that I am not juggling so many things, that they'll all inevitably fall to the ground.
I am an empath, I have a really hard time seeing the forest through the trees.
I need to just let ALL of it go, no?
My husband and I were involved with another woman, and we were all sexually involved, but the love relationship truly occurred between she and I. My husband was great, through all of it. Needless to say, he enjoyed himself in the bedroom, we ALL did, we loved being together, the three of us. She and I loved being together, the two of us, and Husband and her got a few chances to enjoy one another on their own, when the rare opportunity presented.
At first, it seemed effortless. She was a very dear friend of mine, who turned into a woman that I loved, very deeply. Husband works over 80 hours a week, typically, and we have two young ones. She was there, as a friend, a source of adult conversation (shoot me now, PJ Masks), and we developed a very loving, very in love, relationship, over the course of two years.
I am very communicative. She, not so much. I am expressive. She, keeps how she really feels to herself, usually. We were so close before our romantic relations began, so she trusted me more than anyone, already. Still, she kept to herself, emotionally.
This took a serious toll on me. Last fall, I went into a serious bout of anxiety and depression, the first in YEARS, because she'd become involved with a man of her own, but has, many months later, admitted to kind of throwing all that NRE in my face, because she felt she needed attention, and she had to share me with another.
Being our first poly anything, we didn't do enough to protect OUR relationship, before we added someone new. I thought it was okay with me, and maybe it could have been, had she been discreet about her goings on with him. Insert "best friend conundrum------> here. We shared SO MUCH before, it was hard to see where the line should have been drawn. For me, I had a husband, and two babies. Any time I had carefully and consciously drawn out for her was VERY valuable to me. At that time, to her, it was not.
After much contemplation, I had worked up the nerve to ask her if she'd be open to just being with us? Would that hinder her autonomy, seeing that we were already married, raising two kids together? Would she feel boxed in?
She responded, I was waiting for you to ask me to just be with you guys. I have always wanted to just be with you guys.
So we were. Just us three.
Then, I caught her in a massive lie, basically uncovering that she had never actually told this other person (who wasn't even a partner, but a really self-serving Dom) that she was just going to be with us. I gave her another chance. This was all new to us. This construct, this lifestyle. I knew how scary it must have felt to be in her position. I tried to flex, to make her ease into it a little more comfy.
Then we had a blowout, of massive proportion. She was very upset, hurt, offended by me introducing her as my dearest friend to a family on the beach at my parent's beach home (we are not out to them, but are to many others). Husband witnessed it, and was displeased, to say the least. He is a total drama free man. This, woman to woman bickering was all too much for him. She and I needed to check ourselves.
She had said multiple times (before blowout) that she totally supported my marriage, and she knew that he is a little more outwardly traditional than I am. Some of this stuff was just a bit too much for us to share, with our families.
I have discovered again, that she continues to lie.
Then, two weekends ago- another one. She got very angry. At things we've discussed, at length, about how this would be a success. Things like, there are times when I will get caught up in the vacuum of parenting. It happens. My kids also ADORE her. She's not left waiting for something to do.....she has her own room here at the house, and accommodations aplenty.
Sooooooooo
Husband said No More. It has now come between us. I had to end it, and our friendship is in danger of dying because of it.
She's heartbroken, as am I. Am I heartbroken, though? Or, am I mourning the death of a HUGE chunk of my life for the last two years? I had never loved a woman before.
I feel relieved, that I am not juggling so many things, that they'll all inevitably fall to the ground.
I am an empath, I have a really hard time seeing the forest through the trees.
I need to just let ALL of it go, no?
