I feel like so many things...personality tests, love languages, the concepts in this book, all sorts of "self help"y things... Each is a good starting point for paths of thinking, understanding, growth. But it's only that. It's never the WHOLE unified, "solve everyone's problems" answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything. But there are good bits that will resonate here and there, and more importantly, give us more tools in the ol' mental toolbox to think about issues we might have.
A LOT of stuff in that book made sense to me and at least explained in a general foundation kind of way, some of the stuff I deal with.
One issue I have, and Claire, I think you get a bit of this, too... The book addresses issues where the woman is struggling with <whatever related to sex> and they use these "this is how the woman's brain works" tricks to allow the male partner to have his smack-the-forehead-eureka-moment, and do the thing and before you know it, sex is groovy again! Or in the case of the lesbian lady, still, she was endeavoring to adjust her thinking. And the thing I'm getting at here is, what about the other partner?
I mean, "we're working on it" is meaning the woman's issue, in the story, because the book is about understanding the various mechanisms of female desire, arousal, etc. but the author gets growly about patriarchy in sexual perceptions and expectations, so what if you have TWO PEOPLE (assume a man and woman just for the sake of discussion) and they aren't exactly aligning in their sexuality quite comfortably or functionally, there is STILL this "need to hack the woman's mainframe" approach....but what about the dude? What about HIS mental landscape? "Same parts organized differently"...uh, ok. But suppose we do all this behavioral and mental gymnastics to get one partner having the sex of her life, is it merely assumed that the guy will be happy with what's going on at that point? Because maybe he won't. I think the book assumes that "happy wife, happy life" thing, and kind of neglects the fact that guys can be complicated too sometimes.
I mean, suppose Andy read the book and had the interest to make Claire into this sexual supernova, dialed up to 11, having the time of her life, but then HE is not getting what he needs out of it. Is that fair? Of course not!
How to adjust so everybody is happy? Where do you meet in the middle, what if meeting in the middle means that NO ONE is satisfied? How incompatible is too incompatible where sex is concerned?
The book does not get into that.
But again...a few new tools for greater understanding.
EDIT: I think it is useful when you KNOW that a problem is your own stuff and need to figure out how to adjust, because you WANT to...especially if, say, you've had a number of partners, and seem to have similar issues arise often with more than one, that sort of thing.
By the by. As for the whole "look in the mirror" exercise, I HAVE of course, I just don't LIKE to. I can't convince myself that what I see is pretty or nice. It's not like a magical pink flower. I have seen plenty of imagery to show me what I WISH I looked like down there, but that isn't the reality. Oddly I am never so critical of male parts. They seem altogether better to me in pretty much every way. And I've had a few female lovers and not felt badly about their bits either. I just don't like mine. And part of it is the whole, no, they don't all look amazing and beautiful, some objectively look better than others. I don't know how to NOT "down-vote" what I see.
Claire, I envy your confidence and appreciation for that part of yourself. I wish I could feel the same way. But I don't.
Anyhow.
I think the best metaphor I took from the book is the "brakes" and "accelerator" thing. Like I know exactly what each of those things feels like. I can trigger them on purpose just thinking certain thoughts. In fact if I think too hard about "brakes" inducing subjects, it can bring me nearly to a state of insecure, miserable depressive panic. Even when there is no cause, like just sitting at work, thinking. Those triggers are powerful. And the fact that I have not been able to diffuse them...well, the book also talks about "completing the cycle" or feeling what you feel without judging yourself for feeling it, and letting the feeling complete itself and stuff. I think maybe I just haven't had TIME to work through anything, because I can't just stop what I'm doing and cry, or yell, or whatever it is that's supposed to happen. There are others around me who would be uncomfortable and I have responsibilities. I often feel like experiencing your feelings freely is a rather indulgent luxury I just don't have time or space for.
the quiz in the book says I have a very sensitive sexual accelerator. Like, I would have scored the highest possible, except one of the questions related to menstrual cycle and I don't have one thanks to continuous birth control pills. 
