Just a success story

P

polymath257

New member
With everyone asking for advice, I thought it would be good to have a success story around here.

My wife and I have been poly in principle, but mono in practice for several years. When we got together, we were both involved with other people and everyone was good...until it wasn't. But that is another story.

C (my wife) has had an on-again, off-again relationship with J for the last 20 years or so (C and I have been together for 10 and married for 5). It has been 'off' for the last 7-8 years, but they started talking again and decided to meet for dinner.

After the dinner, C came home and was *very* excited that she was re-connecting to J. Since we have been mono in practice for so long, we talked for quite a while so she knew I was OK with her seeing J and that I was happy for her.

The next night, she spent the night with J and had a wonderful time. They re-connected in a big way and some crud that had built up between them got talked out. She was a bit late about calling the next morning (and she was expecting to go to work), so I called and asked how things went. It turns out she had decided not to go to work and that she had a great time. Evidently, when the phone rang, she startled enough that J asked if I was aware of where she was. I told her to take her time and enjoy herself.

Since J is not local, C and he will probably not get together more than a few times a year, which seems to be a good pattern for them. They have been talking a lot more again, which is really sweet to see.

Now, the remarkable aspect of all of this: before C and J got back together, the sex between me and C was sliding into 'habit'. More mechanical; still good, but not as good as it had been. Well, evidently the time with J turned on a switch (C's expression) and our own sex life has turned a corner to excellent once again. Both C and I are getting into better shape, we are happier and everything seems to be going very well on all sides.

Anyway, all seems to be good. No drama. Communication is good on all sides. And overall happiness has increased for everyone.

SUCCESS!
 
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Nice... But your wife's relationship is still in that Rainbow and butterflies stage aka NRE plus. Too soon to be calling it a success story.

Don't get me wrong I hope things go well. But I consider success stories to involve more than some NRE.
 
I wouldn't call it NRE if she's known him 20 years.:p
 
Thanks for sharing that, polymath257; that is an encouraging story.
 
Yes - thank you for that. As someone new and struggling, it's great to be reminded there IS an up side and sometimes it's not even complicated or painful. :)
 
There is definitely NRE going on, but given that they have known each other for so long, it is encouraging. C is excited just to get the friendship back, let alone the other aspects of the relationship with J. Also, it is definitely a LDR and they won't be able to see each other more than a few times a year, so some aspect of NRE will exist no matter what, I think.
 
I think it is perfectly natural for long term relationship to heat up when one of the partners gets another lover, assuming the jealousy and other newbie issues are no longer present.

My gf has a lower sex drive than me, and sometimes feels pressure from me, even if it's unstated, to satisfy me. But whenever I get a lover, the pressure is off her, and then she wants me more, since then her sexual activity is more about her own desire and pleasure than out of some moral obligation she might feel to me.

If you read Sex at Dawn you can read more about how promiscuity has worked in humans going back to our early history. for example, there are interesting theories about why women are so vocal during sex. The authors suggest it is to attract other males in the area, to take their turn after the first guy is finished, since women can usually have many more orgasms than one man can elicit before he has his one and falls asleep or loses interest.
 
Hi Polymath,
Thanks for sharing your story. Just so you know (and for anyone else who is looking for success stories), we have a sticky thread at the top of General Discussions where people can post about all the good poly stuff they have going on in their lives. We're not all about problems and advice here!

The link: Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

PS - just a helpful hint for reading long threads: click on the User CP link to go into your Control Panel, and change your default view to 40 posts per page. It makes long threads much easier to coast through when there aren't as many pages!
 
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