Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
11:56 a.m., Wednesday the 25th

We had to move my bed out of my bedroom this morning (a little after 8:00 a.m.) and it is now piled upside-down on top of Brother-Husband's and Snowbunny's bed in the living room. This means I can't sleep in as would be my usual preference, nor will I be able to take a nap, or anything like that. A bunch of our stuff is piled on top of our couch, so. And now Snowbunny is saying she doesn't think the flooring guy will finish the job today. Bleah!

Rainee yanked her way out of the harness, so we had to put her in Eddie's crate. Which she actually seems to be handling quite well. Eddie is on his leash, and his leash is tied to a table leg or something.

Sooo tired. And I can't eat or drink, as our water is going to be shut off later today, and the toilets will be unavailable, for how long I don't know. I'll be so glad when this is over.

The flooring guy is pretty cheerful though. Always humming or whistling.
 

Darqon

New member
These jobs always take longer than they estimate.. :/

Also, if you have a good sized bucket you can fill up with water before they shut it off, you can pour that into a toilet quickly in order to "manually" flush it. Pouring water into the bowl quickly will start the siphoning action.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Luckily, we have two bathrooms, and one of the two has been restored to working order. And it does look like the flooring guy will be here tomorrow. The plumber as well, to reseat the other toilet.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
2:48 p.m., Friday the 27th

The flooring guy was here yesterday, but only til about noon, at which point the job was finished. And the plumber finished his part of the job at about the same time. So we have all new flooring now, and it looks pretty sweet. And finally we can start putting all our stuff away, though that will be a painstaking process, and something we'll probably do a little at a time. For the moment, we have no good place to sit down and eat dinner, our dining room area is totally piled with stuff.

So SB and I always have a game of Chess going with each other on Chess.com, and I always win ... until a few days ago! She won by checkmate ... damn, I didn't see that coming. So my rating took a huge hit, and dropped from 1266 to 1188. SB's rating jumped from 302 to 389. I didn't love losing, but way to go SB! It was quite a dramatic checkmate, involving a calculated sacrifice on her part, and me thinking I had just gotten away with a pawn promotion and a simultaneous rook capture. I got greedy, and failed to notice the looming threat. Nice!

Then, on Wednesday, I got caught up on everything, and had enough time leftover to play a bot game. I played as White, versus the 1400-point bot named Ali ... and things were actually going okay for awhile, until I made a super stupid mistake, and lost a rook (to a skewer). At that point winning was out of the question for me, but I got lucky, and ended up with just three pieces on the board, Ali's rook and king, and my king. With that, I was able to draw the game (by the fifty-move rule). It was pretty painful though. My self-confidence took a huge hit. Anyway, my technical response to a drawn game is that my next bot game will be exactly the same as my current game. That is to say, I will play as White against Ali again. But with the hit to my self-confidence, I'm really worried that my skill level will drop as well, just long enough for me to lose. I shouldn't feel this way, after all Ali is a 1400-point player. But I do.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
3:30 p.m., Saturday the 28th

So yesterday I got all caught up, and then played (as White) a bot game (versus Ali). I am relieved to be able to tell you that I won. Relieved ... but not satisfied. It was not a clean game -- hell it wasn't even messy. It was filthy. Deplorable. Despicable. The only reason I was able to squeeze a win out of it is because Ali played poorly in the endgame. All of the bots play poorly in the endgame, but Ali is extra bad at it. So, I should have lost, but a win is a win, and I'll take it.

The middlegame is usually where my two great weaknesses bubble up to the surface. I suck at scanning the whole board, and I suck at anticipating more than one move ahead. These weaknesses are costly at this level of play. In this last game I lost a bishop, and remained behind in material for most of the remainder of the game. Plus my overall position on the board was ... well, a mess. As I said I should have lost, but I'm shortsighted when it comes to winning. A win is a win.

My next bot game, I'll be playing as Black (versus Ali). Me playing as Black means I'll be on the ropes right from the beginning. So I guess either I'll lose, or else the game will be a downright sewer ... or both. What can I do, I have to try.

SB said we'd have some kind of drinky-drink at dinner. Plus she gave me a couple of cannabis capsules. She and BH are currently out looking for furniture. This concludes my riport.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
3:04 p.m., Sunday the 29th

Yesterday I got all caught up, and proceeded to play as Black against Ali. I would characterize this game as better than the last game, but still a mess. The worst part of it was when I mistakenly let Ali fork my king and my rook with his bishop. I jumped the bishop with my queen, but lost the rook in the bargain which put Ali ahead in material by two points. Frustrating, and I thought I had lost the game right there. Later, Ali kind of did the reverse, jumping one of my knights with one of his rooks, and losing that rook in the process. That was pretty lucky and probably saved the game for me, although at the time I was suspicious and assumed I had the losing overall position on the board.

The best moment for me, though at the time I felt like I was just looking for things to do, was when I had a pawn advanced as far as the second rank with Ali's king in front of it, and I moved a bishop to protect that pawn. That move would come back to haunt Ali, he should have jumped that pawn before I protected it with that bishop. After trading some more pieces, thus simplifying the board, I realized that if I could get my one remaining rook onto the first rank, protected by my pawn, I would have checkmate. Even if Ali stopped that from happening by jumping my rook with his rook, my pawn would then jump his rook and promote to queen, still protected by my bishop, and again, checkmate. Ali's own h-pawn, blocked by my bishop, helped prevent his king's escape.

At the time my rook was protecting my bishop, but I took the gamble of moving that rook away from that post. It would take multiple moves to get that rook to its new position. I prayed that I'd have enough time.

At that point, Ali started throwing things at me. First he threw his rook directly into the path of my king. So I jumped that rook. Then he threw his knight directly into the path of one of my pawns. Anything to delay the inevitable ... I guess that's what you do when you're a bot and you can't resign!

So I jumped that knight, and then Ali had nothing left but his king and some pawns. Feebly, he advanced one of his pawns, and then I moved my rook to its final position: checkmate. Quite a cool ending, for such a messy game. My next opponent is a guy named Mateo. After that, my only remaining 1400-point opponent will be the Chess engine. Then I start playing against the advanced players (starting with some 1500-point opponents). I never thought I would make it this far, and my critical weaknesses haven't gone away. But I'll keep trying, and keep my fingers crossed.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
5:20 p.m., Monday the 30th

I didn't get all caught up yesterday, because SB invited me to go with her running some errands and I jumped at the chance. Then today, SB was feeling generous and said I could have some whisky and Coke. I jumped at that chance too, and SB was saying I could have a second helping over dinner, so, my fingers are crossed.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
1:30 p.m., Tuesday the 31st

I did get that second helping of whisky and Coke; yay! I should mention that our couch (in the TV room) is all cleared of clutter, and we have been sitting on it, with a folding table, for eating dinner. So at least we don't have to eat standing up.

Yesterday I got all caught up, then played a bot game, and won again! Honestly I'm surprised. Things were looking bad for me for awhile. Luckily Mateo -- like all of the bots -- sucks in the endgame. But he's too clever for me in the earlier parts of the game. For most of the game I remained a point or two behind in material. That type of thing does not bode well. And my overall setup got all screwed up. So I'm not entirely sure how I won, but I'm glad I did. This is quite a winning streak I'm on, I don't know how long I can keep it up. My next bot game -- probably later today, it looks like I'll get all caught up again -- will be me as Black, playing against Mateo. I have no idea what to expect, I am deathly afraid of losing.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
2:12 p.m., Wednesday the 1st

I won another bot game, whew! and it was even a somewhat clean game, it had some scary moments, but I managed to pull through alright. The computer analysis (after the game ended) said I made zero mistakes, zero blunders, and zero missed wins. So even the computer thought a played a clean game, amirite? One of the scary moments was when Mateo almost forked my king and rook (with a knight). I reacted to that just in the nick of time. But the fact that I noticed it at all ahead of time suggests that I might be doing slightly better on my weak areas. I also got lucky: Mateo made some noticeable mistakes, giving me a steadily growing lead in material. I still felt a wave of relief upon winning, but I have to admit this was an easy game for me compared to other recent games.

Today SB noticed that I was feeling more anxious than usual, and she suggested it might be okay if I have a drinky-drink after 3:00 p.m., less than an hour from now. Hopefully she'll remember that, and stick to it!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
4:32 p.m., Thursday the 2nd

She stuck to it. And I got some Jäger. Two fingers' worth -- not a lot -- but enough to get a slight buzz. She even reluctantly agreed for me to do the same today ... but I'd better not ask for it tomorrow, it would be too many days in a row.

I did not get caught up on things yesterday. I did get caught up on Facebook, but then I just didn't feel like going further, so I laid down for awhile. I don't know whether that will happen today. It hasn't been the greatest day. Sometimes you know someone is going to rake you over the coals -- and it's not even someone whose opinion should matter -- but it still hurts when they do it. Suffice it to say, when I post on a newbie's thread, I say whatever I think they need to hear. Even if it sounds stupid. Not everyone on this forum is okay with that, unfortunately for me.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
5:07 p.m., Friday the 3rd

Yesterday improved for me. I didn't get caught up on things, but I did get to eat out with SB. It was a really good restaurant, dinner was delicious, and we had really good margaritas. We'll be going back there. In the meantime, BH went to a curling class. He got his own dinner.

I probably won't get caught up today either, mostly because I spent quite awhile assembling my books and bookshelves. Kind of a sucky job, but it feels pretty good to have it done. Today, some guys came over and installed a new dishwasher. Which was good because the old one basically didn't work. There's nothing on the calendar tomorrow, but on Sunday, BH and SB will go on a road trip. And I will have a great big glass of Jäger. None of this two-fingers business.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
3:09 p.m., Saturday the 4th

Dinner was late last night and in theory I had enough time to catch up on everything, possibly even play a bot game. I got as far as catching up on Facebook, after that I just felt too tired, too burned out, so I laid down for a couple of hours. SB was on the phone with a relative (a cousin I think) for quite awhile, then she went out and got us pizza, which was good. Today BH and SB have been working around the house. I am crossing my fingers that they will go on a nice long road trip tomorrow. Today, as soon as I get ready, the three of us will go out to visit some hardware stores. I don't know whether we'll eat out.

I'm a weak person. A selfish person. I own it and I'm not ashamed. It's in my genes, and my past, I suppose.

This concludes my riport.
 

fuchka

Member
Kevin, I might be wrong, but it sounds like you're feeling down on yourself including your contribution to this forum (from your post a few posts up). I don't always agree with your advice but it's obvious that you are caring and are trying to see things from other people's perspectives.

Sometimes when I read your replies I'm struck by how you've really tried to imagine what the OP is going through.

You don't come across as weak and selfish to me, but someone who knows themselves pretty well, and navigates what they want and need in their relationships.

I'm glad you're not ashamed to be who you are.

Thanks for being such a steadfast part of this forum.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
12:16 p.m., Sunday the 5th

Heh. I always feel down on myself. It's what I do. My mother was a super critical person, and I internalized the idea that the one and only way to please her was to perpetuate her negative view of me. I know that now, but it is really hard to just turn off the self-criticism. I have developed the habit, and it is with me for life. I say that because I have tried to resist it, and it only goes away to a certain extent.

Thank you fuchka, for your words concerning my efforts to contribute in some small way on this forum. I probably don't always contribute what people need, but that's what I try to do. Sometimes I think my selfishness is an actual asset, it allows me to sympathize with other people's selfish perspective, it allows me to accept that everyone is a little bit selfish and that's okay, as long as it doesn't go too far. But I do try to put myself in the other person's shoes. It's what I do.

You are truly a help to me fuchka, your words are exactly what I needed to hear. We can't expect each other to be perfect, we can only validate people for who they are. I myself have far to go in that area, I need to realize that what someone else is going through, is a little piece of me. And again I say thanks, those are the words of affirmation that I needed to hear.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
6:49 p.m., Monday the 6th

So yesterday, BH and SB went on a road trip -- to White Sands -- and I had my great big glass of Jäger. To be exact, I finished off the bottle. This means I spent a lot of time lying on my bed. But I regret nothing.

Today, it being Labor Day, SB had a day off, while BH still worked. This means SB and I had a rare opportunity to do a sexual encounter. The extent of which, was, that SB did manual favors for me, while, all I did for her was a back/neck rub. That's all she wanted. To quote her own words, "I am becoming asexual." And to be honest, I am becoming a bit asexual myself, so I am more than good with today's encounter.

Right now SB is at a Barn Hunt practice. They've actually put her in charge of it. She won't get back probably until 8:30 p.m., but hopefully she'll bring us takeout for dinner. That's all I can think of to tell you for now.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
5:34 p.m., Wednesday the 8th

It's been a frustrating day today. I asked SB for some cannabis and she gave me some. Three softgels worth, but alas to little or no avail. I'm really struggling to catch up on things. I don't know if I'm going to get to my Facebook stuff at all tonight. Like I said, a frustrating day (in general).
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
3:48 p.m., Thursday the 9th

I did get to some of my Facebook stuff yesterday, so in that sense my head is still above water. A few days ago, SB said that today (Thursday), she and I would go shopping. I hope that continues to be the case, I could use the chance to get out of the house.

Today isn't as frustrating as yesterday, but I do feel like I'm still struggling to get my act together.

And I'm hungry. Really hungry. Must ... not ... eat.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
3:12 p.m., Saturday the 11th

It was hard, but I managed to not eat (until dinner). SB and I did go shopping, but I'll be honest, I did not find the beef jerky that I was hoping to find. (We shopped at Sprouts.) Last night, BH and I watched the first episode of a new series, the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

Today, and mind you there is no known reason for this, but I am not living life so much as just enduring it from one moment to the next. I would love to drink, or at least take a strong dose of cannabis, but I'm afraid to ask for either. I just hope this wave of -- well, pain I guess is the right word -- will pass.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
1:21 p.m., Sunday the 12th

I think BH is getting more laughs out of it than I am, but I find most of it entertaining. We watched Episode Two (Season One) last night, after eating out at a really good place (with outdoor seating) where I was able to get sushi. Well and we bought some stuff at Lowe's. And Sprouts.
 
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