Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

12:48 p.m., Wednesday the 11th

Yesterday's chess bot game was against the same bot but this time I played as black. I still won, but didn't play as well. Meanwhile, Rainee seems to have come down with some kind of a bug. Her gums are not a healthy pink, they are more like a pale gray. We're just watching her for the moment, if it gets worse we'll take her to the vet.
 
12:41 p.m., Thursday the 12th

Rainee is about 14 years old, and Snowbunny doesn't think Rainee will make it much longer. This is hard for me to contemplate; I can only hope that Snowbunny's wrong. Meanwhile, Brother-Husband needs surgery for a hernia, he got interviewed for that yesterday. He got upset at Snowbunny because she was joking like she thought the surgery would be frivolous. I don't think she meant it that way, but Brother-Husband got upset thinking she didn't want him to have the surgery.
 
12:54 p.m., Friday the 13th

Thanks. She's hanging in there, but it's touch and go and we can tell she's not feeling like herself. She's been picking all sorts of spots around the house where she lays down. I figure she's looking for a comfortable place to rest, but everywhere she goes, it's uncomfortable. SB doesn't think the vet will be able to do anything to help her -- other than euthanasia, which I don't want. I am afraid I am going to lose my best friend. I am selfish that way. I know she's old, but I was still hoping for (counting on) some five more years with her.
 
1:45 p.m., Saturday the 14th

She ate a little more this morning, but she still isn't feeling like herself. Still trying various odd spots around the house to lie down, as if looking for something comfortable. I can only hope that she'll get feeling better.

Meanwhile, today is BH's and SB's anniversary -- 30 years! Right now they're out and about doing things around town. Tonight they're going to eat dinner at a fancy restaurant on top of the mountain. They'll get me something on the way back. Meantime it's just me and the pets here in the house.
 
2:53 p.m., Sunday the 15th

Rainee's still not feeling right. She's laying on Ginger's doggie bed; there's a second doggie bed and Ginger's using that. I think the dogs know that something is amiss with Rainee. We have good pets.

SB took me to get a haircut today, also we stopped at Ross, she just got a couple of things there. I'm more tired than usual today, I might lay down for a while in a couple of minutes. That's all I have to tell you for now.
 
1:24 p.m., Monday the 16th

Rainee hasn't eaten at all today, but I hear she did drink a lot of water and I'm hopeful about that. She's on the table in our spare bedroom, it is another odd place for her, as, if she was feeling like herself she would be on the bed (next to the table). She's been there quite a while and hasn't been looking for alternative spots. Maybe that means she feels slightly more comfortable? I have to hope for that.
 
1:40 p.m., Tuesday the 17th

I wonder if she knew her time was up, and she wanted to help me get used to not having her in my room (like I did so much in the past). Selfless right to the end. She passed away last night at around 8:00 p.m. ... thankfully it looks like she passed peacefully in her sleep. When SB found her, she was lying on SB's cushioned computer chair, and her eyes were closed. And of course her sufferings had ended. She was 14 years old.

In spite of the comforting thoughts, there's an owie in the pit of my stomach. When they made her they broke the mold. I haven't cried yet, it is like I am still in shock, maybe this is the denial stage. I can't believe she's gone. Life without Rainee. It's one of the hardest things I've ever been through. No more sleeping with Rainee at night. No more dabbing her watery eye. Though I'm surrounded by loved ones, I still feel so alone.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. May Rainee live happily in the kitty heaven.
 
1:40 p.m., Wednesday the 18th

Thanks Eponine. As an atheist I don't believe in any heaven, but of course I hope I'm wrong.
 
3:07 p.m., Thursday the 19th

Fortunately I have about a week's supply of cannabis-infused marionberry gummies (indica enhanced). I'm somewhat out of it, and it helps dull the pain. Nevertheless I have a reaction, sometimes, like I'm actually seeing Rainee in one of her favorite places (like on my bed). Then it registers (anew) that she's gone, and it's like a kick in the gut.

On Tuesday, BH and SB buried Rainee in our backyard. SB planted a lilac bush on the grave. I can see it clearly from my window. I look out there often and think, "There's where Rainee is." Somehow that thought is slightly comforting. Any little bit helps, there are so many big and little things I miss about her. No longer will she sleep with me.
 
1:13 p.m., Friday the 20th

I've decided to change Sam's nickname to Stan -- it's a better fit. We have plans to take Stan with us on a road trip tomorrow, I didn't have to go, but I thought it might be good for me to have the distraction. I'm feeling pretty sad and lonely, but I know life goes on, I can get through this, although I'll always have an empty place in my heart.
 
7:31 a.m., Saturday the 21st

We're going to the Albuquerque Museum today, it is next to Old Town so we'll probably walk around in Old Town as well. Not sure what else we might do, but in any case, it gets me out of the house, and gets my mind a little off of Rainee. A little.
 
11:46 a.m., Monday the 23rd

So the four of us had our outing, we also stopped at some antique stores, and we bought some snacks at a small fancy grocery store. BH wanted to go to a cat shelter, but SB convinced him that it's too soon for that.
 
3:02 p.m., Tuesday the 24th

When Rainee was still with us, we had a gate in front of my bedroom -- with a gap in the bars, wide enough for Rainee to get through, but too narrow for the dogs. In this way, my bedroom was like a sanctuary for Rainee -- the dogs don't mean any harm but sometimes they'd get too rambunctious for Rainee. Well a couple of days ago, we realized we didn't need the gate anymore, so SB removed it. Since then, Ginger has been visiting me at night, on my bed. No way in Hell could Rainee be replaced, but having Ginger visit like that, is some small consolation.
 
11:21 a.m., Wednesday the 25th

Two cleaning ladies came over today, and they are here deep cleaning the house. I have moved my computer out to the dining room, which is adjacent to SB's workstation. SB and I are visiting, off and on. We were just talking about something we had for dinner last night, a chick-pea green-bean stir fry type of thing. SB said she probably wouldn't make it again. I thought the sauce was a little weird, but didn't much mind overall.
 
3:13 p.m., Thursday the 26th

SB and I went grocery shopping after dinner (at Albertsons, where SB picked up a scrip). Ginger paid me some short visits in bed last night, and Ginger and Eddie both paid me a visit around 7:00 a.m.

An hour or two ago, SB and I were reminiscing about things that had made Rainee unique and adorable. I haven't stopped missing Rainee, it's just not right not having her in my life. SB even said she'd had a reaction of expecting to see Rainee on my bed.
 
1:39 p.m., Friday the 27th

I heard that Stan had a double bereavement. There were two outdoor cats that would visit him, and he would feed them every day. It's unknown whether they had an owner elsewhere in the neighborhood, or if they were feral; they seemed quite tame. About a week ago, one of them stopped showing up at his house. A few days later, the other one stopped showing up. He'll never know what happened to them. Did someone scoop them up and adopt them? Did someone snuff them out? With both cats gone missing in a few days, Stan suspects foul play. But there's no way he can know, and there's nothing he can do about it. I feel pretty bad for him. I'm mourning for Rainee, and that's with me knowing what happened to her -- that she died peacefully in her sleep. I can't imagine not having that closure.
 
Sorry for your loss. I lost a cat, Hemingway, earlier this year and it's so hard. You just keep expecting to see them where they would normally be😿

It sounds like you and Rainee shared a special bond and that you will have fond memories about her for the rest of your life. She had a good life with you and was well loved
 
11:58 a.m., Saturday the 28th

Yeah, Rainee left a permanent imprint on me. She pulled me out of some of my darkest times. I feel like I can't live without her, but I suppose I will. Sorry for your loss too. I can tell you loved your cat.
 
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