As I mentioned in a previous thread, my husband and I are very new to this. I know this is a Poly site but we started off feeling more comfortable labeling ourselves as in an Open Marriage. The reason is that neither of us are ready to have another long-term relationship. We do feel that we can fall in love with more than one person but I think maybe we had the stereotypical primary and secondary only relationship in mind? (with no room for other partners). Now, we are both on dating sites (I am only on openminded.com and he is on there plus okcupid) and I am starting to realize the stereotypes. People think that an open marriage is just about the sex and that polyamory is other people joining couples with not a lot of wiggle room when it comes to extra relationships. However, I realize those are just stereotypes. I really HATE labels. So does it really matter how we present ourselves? I guess I am thinking mostly about the dating sites (even though dating sites are not ideal for me but I am a stay at home mom so I don't get out much). So far, on Openminded.com I have had a lot of messages from people who seem to be only in it for the sex. The thing for us is.... we are not only in it for the sex.... but at the same time aren't ready for another long term relationship. Does that make sense? We want to date and fall in love, which leads to sex. But not necessarily find someone looking to settle down. Although.... I am more wiling to find a long term relationship than my husband is. When advertising ourselves, my husband said she is fine if I call myself Poly while he says he is an open marriage (having seperate profiles of course). Will that cause a problem? We both agree 100 percent on what we want and mutually support each other. And my husband understands that as a female on a dating site, I need to be more cautious. Do you think maybe if we do have to label ourselves that maybe it's just situational?
Labels: Open Marriage Vs. Polyamory?
- Thread starter KGMlove
- Start date
Inyourendo
New member
I just say that we are in an open relationship. My husband isn't looking for love, he just likes having fuck buddies (he does not identify as poly) where I on the other hand need romance.
You could also use the term "ethical non-monogamy," to show you're willing to date others, but aren't cheating.
You can have another long term loving relationship without expecting the "relationship escalator" typical with mono couples. You can see a love interest as often as you wish or desire or can manage. It can be 50/50 with your husband if that suits you and your OSO. Or it can be one or two dates a week with or without overnights. Or it can be once a week, twice a month, or once a month ,with good online or phone convos in between meetings. It's up to you and what is wanted and practical!
You can have another long term loving relationship without expecting the "relationship escalator" typical with mono couples. You can see a love interest as often as you wish or desire or can manage. It can be 50/50 with your husband if that suits you and your OSO. Or it can be one or two dates a week with or without overnights. Or it can be once a week, twice a month, or once a month ,with good online or phone convos in between meetings. It's up to you and what is wanted and practical!
As long as you *have* thought about the difference - honestly, if I'm talking to someone new, I usually have a "what do *you* mean by that" conversation by the first date, just because the difference in definitions can really make the difference between getting hurt by someone and having an awesome relationship.
IndieSolo
Active member
Keep in mind that just because you're married to each other, both of you are NOT required to want the same thing! You are two autonomous beings, always. One of you can be looking for casual no strings sex while the other wants more meaningful, ongoing relationships. That's okay! You're not joined at the hip and , as long as you both are supportive of each other and in agreement about what's important to you (like safer sex practices), the world is your oyster!
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We both can have sex with others, she is more or less exclusive to me and one fiend, I have had gfs in past one on and off for 8 years. WE tried the swinger thing, not us, we do occasionally as we still have friends in that community. We do talk about a wife, that has a good possibility of happening if we find the right woman, and the dog allows us.