Sweetpea
New member
Intro first:
Hello. I've been out as poly since 2003. I have a husband who is my financial and family partner. We still have a child at home. Husband aka J is mono sexually, but has platonic relationships and interests he puts alot of time into. We have been open since day 1 of our relationship in 2004 and still in love and happy living together.
Current situation is I have a submissive boy friend aka S who I was with for a year then we had to break up for two and now we are back together and more stable than ever. We share friends in the local kink community primarily and get people together for sexual exploration and also spend time alone. I started my kinky journey in the late 90's and have never found someone like him that I feel so bonded and committed to till now.
More recently I got involved with a friend and colleague Z who I know professionally but do not work with. We have been friends for 4 years, but I have liked him as more than friends since we first met. He is also married and poly but lives a 6 hour drive away on a good day. I admitted to him I had more feelings for him 6 weeks ago when we rented a house together for a class we took in Arizona. Turns out he also has feelings for me. Things have gotten a bit complicated since then as they can and I am having big feelings and miscommunications I would like some help on. So I turn to you guys as I have in the past and probably will again.
There are a few things at play here and it feels less straight forward than I am comfortable with. So since Z and I admitted we have feelings for each other I am seeing a side of him that requires alot of time and energy to sort things out. Being online/ phone, voice messages, facetime letters packages you name it seem to be filling my life with miscommunications. I misunderstand what he means and he misunderstands me, sometimes it can happen in the same day. I have been emotionally triggered by him which is not something I have ever had with him or often with many people at all. Then I take space to sort my feelings out and in the meantime he bombards me with more texts and more emails etc. He breaks boundaries I havent even been able to set in place yet and so it requires so many conversations many of which he misunderstands what I mean. Meanwhile I have alot of things going in in the present and dont like phones or the internet much at all.
I care for him, Z that is. May even be in love although Im the type who often needs to get hit over the head before I realize. I move slowly towards these things. I am getting a bit spooked by all his ways though. I sent him an email that took me a week to sort my stuff out about and asked him to give it some time before he responded. He texted me that night with a quote from Dune and our differences. I was so relieved and felt seen, it was short and sweet. Then the next day he left me a voice text telling me he didn't understand my email at all and that is how he talks to all the woman in his life that way responds quickly that its not just me that he talks to like that, in what he thinks I think is obsessive. oh and also that L his wife thought it was cute (not sure what she means or why he felt like he needed to tell me that). The funny thing is that I didn't mention that at all in any of the letter. Not once. Not once did I say I thought he was obsessed with me. But ofcourse we are both at work all day today and can't hash this stuff out and I don't really want to.
I know I didnt give alot of details here but I hope this gives you a picture. I am going to drive to where he lives Friday and will be spending the evenings with him while I am there. I am feeling like I can't do LDR with him basically, but I still want something with him. When we talk through things he is so sweet and gentle and I find him very sincere and charming and connected. It lasts until the next day when he begins to bombard me with his train of thought voice text/emails after the next and so on. I ask him him to back off and then we misunderstand ad each other and have to sort it out again and again.
Any advise insight or questions are welcome. Thanks .
Hello. I've been out as poly since 2003. I have a husband who is my financial and family partner. We still have a child at home. Husband aka J is mono sexually, but has platonic relationships and interests he puts alot of time into. We have been open since day 1 of our relationship in 2004 and still in love and happy living together.
Current situation is I have a submissive boy friend aka S who I was with for a year then we had to break up for two and now we are back together and more stable than ever. We share friends in the local kink community primarily and get people together for sexual exploration and also spend time alone. I started my kinky journey in the late 90's and have never found someone like him that I feel so bonded and committed to till now.
More recently I got involved with a friend and colleague Z who I know professionally but do not work with. We have been friends for 4 years, but I have liked him as more than friends since we first met. He is also married and poly but lives a 6 hour drive away on a good day. I admitted to him I had more feelings for him 6 weeks ago when we rented a house together for a class we took in Arizona. Turns out he also has feelings for me. Things have gotten a bit complicated since then as they can and I am having big feelings and miscommunications I would like some help on. So I turn to you guys as I have in the past and probably will again.
There are a few things at play here and it feels less straight forward than I am comfortable with. So since Z and I admitted we have feelings for each other I am seeing a side of him that requires alot of time and energy to sort things out. Being online/ phone, voice messages, facetime letters packages you name it seem to be filling my life with miscommunications. I misunderstand what he means and he misunderstands me, sometimes it can happen in the same day. I have been emotionally triggered by him which is not something I have ever had with him or often with many people at all. Then I take space to sort my feelings out and in the meantime he bombards me with more texts and more emails etc. He breaks boundaries I havent even been able to set in place yet and so it requires so many conversations many of which he misunderstands what I mean. Meanwhile I have alot of things going in in the present and dont like phones or the internet much at all.
I care for him, Z that is. May even be in love although Im the type who often needs to get hit over the head before I realize. I move slowly towards these things. I am getting a bit spooked by all his ways though. I sent him an email that took me a week to sort my stuff out about and asked him to give it some time before he responded. He texted me that night with a quote from Dune and our differences. I was so relieved and felt seen, it was short and sweet. Then the next day he left me a voice text telling me he didn't understand my email at all and that is how he talks to all the woman in his life that way responds quickly that its not just me that he talks to like that, in what he thinks I think is obsessive. oh and also that L his wife thought it was cute (not sure what she means or why he felt like he needed to tell me that). The funny thing is that I didn't mention that at all in any of the letter. Not once. Not once did I say I thought he was obsessed with me. But ofcourse we are both at work all day today and can't hash this stuff out and I don't really want to.
I know I didnt give alot of details here but I hope this gives you a picture. I am going to drive to where he lives Friday and will be spending the evenings with him while I am there. I am feeling like I can't do LDR with him basically, but I still want something with him. When we talk through things he is so sweet and gentle and I find him very sincere and charming and connected. It lasts until the next day when he begins to bombard me with his train of thought voice text/emails after the next and so on. I ask him him to back off and then we misunderstand ad each other and have to sort it out again and again.
Any advise insight or questions are welcome. Thanks .