Crystal1990
New member
Hey, very new to this and would love some support! Feel like I'm being torn up inside and no one to talk to about it.
Background - I am in a 17 year relationship. We started going out when I was 14 and we are now married and have 2 children. Due to family issues my partner had very extreme views on monogamy which I desperately tried to fit into leaving me with hardly any friends and us hugely codepentant. I always knew I was bisexual but never explored it.
I have always been a very open, bubbly and some may say flirty person who loves to connect with others. I have had several friendships where strong feelings developed so I cut them off out of fear of what this would mean in relation to my partners extreme rules (no looking/thinking/being attracted to/emotional connection/ no porn etc.). This always left me in a huge amount of pain and I'd take months to recover. Feel like I've had to shrink myself down to fit expectations.
Current situation- Recently my husband gave me the go ahead to open my side of the relationship to explore being with women so I've been exploring via apps. However something unexpected happened. I went on a work trip with an awesome individual I've known for around a year and we really bonded whilst away. On the last night we had a little too much to drink and ended up having sex. It felt so right and after lots of conversation we concluded that we both wanted to continue developing the relationship. However the person is male meaning I'd crossed my husbands boundary.
This was a month ago and I've since confessed all and my husband has been very supportive. I've known my ability to love more than one person for as long as I've been in relationships and acknowledging my true nature feels like I can finally breathe and look up for the first time.
My husband is really trying to adapt and says he has see the benefits of a poly relationship after such an unhealthy perspective on monogamy. He has great days where he wants to hang out with my partner but he has really low days where jealousy is so intense that he pushes me away. He is exploring porn and poly apps but the lack of likes on the app only knocks his confidence further.
I have had a few day trips with my partner so we can have some face time and my husband can practice knowing I'm with him. He sets the boundaries but struggles to keep to them and although I follow them I also am told I'm in the wrong. This puts a huge amount of distance between us and pushes me away.
At the same time my feelings for my partner are getting stronger and I feel like my primary relationship is deteriorating. I'm often left wishing that I'd never opened this can of worms and continued to repress all my feelings or that I just want to be with my new partner.
I know we are early days in our journey and my husband has been so forgiving but I'm at a loss as to what the right thing to do is. Is it just time we need or is my husband just changing for me which is sure to end our relationship anyway?
If you got this far then thank you and would be grateful for any advice from people who have travelled the same path
Background - I am in a 17 year relationship. We started going out when I was 14 and we are now married and have 2 children. Due to family issues my partner had very extreme views on monogamy which I desperately tried to fit into leaving me with hardly any friends and us hugely codepentant. I always knew I was bisexual but never explored it.
I have always been a very open, bubbly and some may say flirty person who loves to connect with others. I have had several friendships where strong feelings developed so I cut them off out of fear of what this would mean in relation to my partners extreme rules (no looking/thinking/being attracted to/emotional connection/ no porn etc.). This always left me in a huge amount of pain and I'd take months to recover. Feel like I've had to shrink myself down to fit expectations.
Current situation- Recently my husband gave me the go ahead to open my side of the relationship to explore being with women so I've been exploring via apps. However something unexpected happened. I went on a work trip with an awesome individual I've known for around a year and we really bonded whilst away. On the last night we had a little too much to drink and ended up having sex. It felt so right and after lots of conversation we concluded that we both wanted to continue developing the relationship. However the person is male meaning I'd crossed my husbands boundary.
This was a month ago and I've since confessed all and my husband has been very supportive. I've known my ability to love more than one person for as long as I've been in relationships and acknowledging my true nature feels like I can finally breathe and look up for the first time.
My husband is really trying to adapt and says he has see the benefits of a poly relationship after such an unhealthy perspective on monogamy. He has great days where he wants to hang out with my partner but he has really low days where jealousy is so intense that he pushes me away. He is exploring porn and poly apps but the lack of likes on the app only knocks his confidence further.
I have had a few day trips with my partner so we can have some face time and my husband can practice knowing I'm with him. He sets the boundaries but struggles to keep to them and although I follow them I also am told I'm in the wrong. This puts a huge amount of distance between us and pushes me away.
At the same time my feelings for my partner are getting stronger and I feel like my primary relationship is deteriorating. I'm often left wishing that I'd never opened this can of worms and continued to repress all my feelings or that I just want to be with my new partner.
I know we are early days in our journey and my husband has been so forgiving but I'm at a loss as to what the right thing to do is. Is it just time we need or is my husband just changing for me which is sure to end our relationship anyway?
If you got this far then thank you and would be grateful for any advice from people who have travelled the same path