Living together

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PeaceNlove

New member
DH, Sparkles, me, and the kids have been living together now for 7 months. Obviously, only the last month or so has been as a triad. The home we are in now is just too small to continue living this way. We have decided to look for a bigger house or two houses that are side by side or duplex. It is so difficult! For those who live together as a triad how did you manage to find a big enough space or close enough space. We prefer to be as close as possible. Sparkles is not only my girlfriend and DH's girlfriend but she is also my best friend and our kids are just like siblings so a huge move would be extremely hard on all of us to be separated.
 
My family rents a 5-bedroom, 3 1/2 bath house. We will be buying property in a year together. I believe we found our current place on Craigslist. We're using Zillow to look for real estate. It's just a matter of searching for the number of bedrooms needed. I have the master suite, and then each of my husbands have their own bedroom.
 
I like the idea of everyone having their own bedroom. That is what I would want if I lived with two or more partners. I imagine that would be tough with kids still at home due to size and expense though.
 
Hi PeaceNlove,

I think a lot depends on budget. For example, if you have the funds you can have your own house custom-built. Otherwise I guess you would work with a realtor who would help you find something suitable for your situation. Perhaps a duplex. Or maybe renting would work better, it really depends on your situation.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
If budget can be an issue, a "stepping stone" or "for now" home could be a Mobile Home. Contrary to what a lot of people believe they can be customized.

You could even have one built with adjoining "Master Suites" if you wanted... for not too much money (compared to a "site built" home).
 
We can't buy a house at the moment. We all have bad credit and its going to be about a year or so to get that up. So it will be just renting for right now. Currently we are in a 3 bedroom house. DH and I have a room, Sparkles has a room, and the kids (6,2, and 1) are all in one room. We do have a large playroom for the kids and that is the only way we have not lost our minds lol. Things are just cramped! We really want a 4 bedroom house with some kind of playroom area or 5 bedroom. We found a perfect floor plan for when we get to buy a house (thinking of buying land and having a modular home put out on it) it has a master suite but also a "MIL suite" so we would all have a larger room and our own bathrooms (This was very important to Sparkles if we get a new house built. She doesn't want to have a room the same size as the kids while we have a huge master suite... totally reasonable)
 
Maybe I am misunderstanding something, but if this is an equal triad, then why are you and your husband be sharing a master suite, and she stay separate? That smacks of couple privilege to me. Both of my husbands - and my boyfriend, when he moves in - all have the same size bedroom, and all are separate from me. I understand that with a rental, maybe avoiding a master bedroom is impossible, but if so, I would probably put Sparkles in it, and then you and your husband have separate smaller rooms, to ease her comfort. Or draw straws for who is in the big room. To just assign it to the original couple is kind of crappy, if that is in fact what is happening. In my home, I have the master suite all by myself, and the guys trade off staying in it with me, depending on the night of the week. On their off nights, they have their own bedroom and space.
 
Bluebird said:
Maybe I am misunderstanding something, but if this is an equal triad, then why are you and your husband be sharing a master suite, and she stay separate? That smacks of couple privilege to me. Both of my husbands - and my boyfriend, when he moves in - all have the same size bedroom, and all are separate from me. I understand that with a rental, maybe avoiding a master bedroom is impossible, but if so, I would probably put Sparkles in it, and then you and your husband have separate smaller rooms, to ease her comfort. Or draw straws for who is in the big room. To just assign it to the original couple is kind of crappy, if that is in fact what is happening. In my home, I have the master suite all by myself, and the guys trade off staying in it with me, depending on the night of the week. On their off nights, they have their own bedroom and space.
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Sparkles doesn't want us to all share a room. She wants her own space. With the kids and the fact that we do want more we definitely can't afford for us to each have our own room. Also, I am still nursing my son and my kids often come climb in bed with us at some point in time during the night and when we have another baby the crib will be in our room. Sparkles has stated several times that she doesn't care about a master suite. She thinks the big room is unnecessary and she doesn't take bathes so she always says I am the only one who be using a big tub lol. Her only request is that when we buy a house her room be bigger then the kids room and we defiantly agree. Like I said in a perfect world we would have two masters but while renting that is not at all likely to happen. Rarely do you get to rent a house that is everything you want. Especially where we live.
 
Ok, but why is the default you and your husband? Just pointing out that this seems kind of wonky. If you have the kids to tend to at night, it seems more helpful to have you in a separate bedroom and Sparkles and your husband getting some shut eye in the master.

I know what you mean about renting though - we were lucky to find the house that we have now!
 
Bluebird said:
Ok, but why is the default you and your husband? Just pointing out that this seems kind of wonky. If you have the kids to tend to at night, it seems more helpful to have you in a separate bedroom and Sparkles and your husband getting some shut eye in the master.

I know what you mean about renting though - we were lucky to find the house that we have now!
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Mainly because although we are a triad, their relationship together is still very new between them. They while they are attracted to eachother and such they have made it known that i am the glue that holds it all together. Outside of that they wouldn't typically have entered into a relationship together. For the last 5 years they have been strictly friends where as me and Sparkles already had our own history. Just like me and DH do.

Also, With Sparkles depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, ect... it helps for her to have her own private place to go to. like her own sanctuary

while i see your point, its not as if we are pushing her to the side as much as there is so many other parts that play a role.
 
Cool. I hope you didn't take that as combative, just wanting to make sure that you consider things from all angles. :)
 
How about NOT living together while waiting for the money to buy the custom place? Seek apartments that are across from each other or similar? Could that alleviate the "all adults have their own room" and "kid space issues?" You all sound tired of being cramped.

Galagirl
 
GalaGirl said:
How about NOT living together while waiting for the money to buy the custom place? Seek apartments that are across from each other or similar? Could that alleviate the "all adults have their own room" and "kid space issues?" You all sound tired of being cramped.

Galagirl
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That is definitely one of the options we are looking into.the I only concern is the over all cost and finding such place in general. It is so hard to find space for a larger family! We found a house that would have been perfect size wise but it was in a very bad area of town. With little kids that is a concern.

I hate moving lol I grew up moving around a lot and I hate it even more now as an adult.
 
Where was she living 7 mos ago? With how many of the kids? Was that an apartment complex you guys could return to? And just be ok being in the same apartment complex to start, and let the leasing office know you'd prefer next door ones if possible as the leases go up again with the other tenants?

Galagirl
 
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Then it sounds like you'd want a 2 bed/1 bath for Sparkles and her 6 year old. And then a 2/1 or a 2/2 for you, spouse, and your 2 kids.

But not at her previous complex.

Galagirl
 
Re: mobile homes ... don't they go down in value as time goes on?
 
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