GreenAcres
New member
I agree with NYCindie. This isn't about your parents, it's about you. People treat you as you allow them to, and you're allowing your parents to treat you like a child. Boundaries require enforcement.
1. Create your boundary. For example, "As a self-supporting adult, I do not wish to tell my parents everything about my life. They do not have a right to know everything I do."
2. Enforce:
-When parents ask: "Mom, Dad, I think it's time that I start having my personal space. I love you and I want you to be a part of my life, but i am not going to clear everything I do with you, nor tell you every detail of my personal life and time."
-When parents balk, restate more firmly: "This is personal, and I am allowed to have personal space. I don't wish to discuss it with you."
-When they balk again (and they will): "This is my final discussion of this: I am an adult, and you need to respect that. I don't wish to discuss this with you/you cannot stop over unannounced/etc."
-When they balk yet again: Walk away if you're in their home or in public. If on the phone: Tell them politely that the conversation is over and they can call you back when they want to discuss something more appropriate, and hang up. If they're at your place, tell them they need to leave, and can return or call you when they are interested in talking about something more appropriate.
Stick to it. It's much like training a dog or raising a child: consistency. No means no. Their desire to know every little thing about your life isn't healthy, and it isn't your problem. Make them deal with their issues, and stop carrying that baggage for them. As an adult, you have nothing to feel guilty about, and if they try that, simply cut them off and don't engage. They'll eventually stop.
