Hello, My name is S. I am in a Relationship with M, he is my fiance we have been together for two years, known each other for almost 6 years. I am bi but m is straight. we have been dabbling in things like swinging, threesomes, and open but none work! But a few months back we moved in with our lesbian friends H and L! i get aroused watching them kiss and find myself staring at L! Me and M talked about it and we really want a "third" or "unicorn" not sure if im using the phrasing correct? Our sex life is ok but honestly really wishing there was a female involved! Someone help! idk what i am doing!
I suggest you NOT take up with L because she is your roomie.
You don't need your household stability/finances shaken up if a botched romance happens and then you are stuck living with disgruntled ex and her GF. Some people are too "messy" to get involved with. I would put "roomies" on the "messy list."
we have been dabbling in things like swinging, threesomes, and open but none work!
It's up to you whether you get involved with L, you are aware of the risks. Of course it would depend on if the feelings are returned on L's part, also you have to consider, if you want L as a third or a unicorn, how will that look if she is still involved with H? or were you hoping that she would break up with H?
If you choose to not pursue things with L, there is always OKCupid for your search. Just be aware that it will take some time to find the HBB you are looking for. If there is any way Polyamory.com can help, just let us know.
I agree with GalaGirl. I don’t understand what it is that you are trying to accomplish or why it hasn’t worked for whatever your purposes are.
It sounds to me as though you are attracted to women and have been trying to engage sexually with women in a way that doesn’t make M feel threatened (threesomes, swinging...) and that it hasn’t worked because you haven’t found partners who are compatible with both of you. Is that accurate? If so, that’s pretty normal: finding someone who magically wants to be involved with both of you, and is an actual human with agency and autonomy of her own, and who both of you like in return and aren’t just using for sex.....there’s a reason that such a magical person is referred to as a “unicorn.”
If I were in your shoes, I would just date women separately. Involving M in the relationship is bound to make things more complicated than they need to be. What do you want? You want a female lover. What does he want? He wants a female lover — possibly in addition to you. By dating separately from each other, you can both get what you want without giving up what you have or tying yourselves and a third person into knots in order to make them fit into the mold you are hoping to achieve.
