Well, I have been missing for a few weeks.
I started the poly idea by falling in love with my wife Sarah's friend Sunny. Sarah decided to do the same with her friend's husband Sam. Since she decided, I had major problems with everything. I pretty much lost that special love for my Sunny during this time. Long story short, I struggled to be poly. I tried so hard I started having feelings for another woman. I know it was just my head wanting someone to take me away from this, but nevertheless, the feelings were there.
I also lost my ability to get an erection, which could have been caused by all this, or just my antidepressant medication. It was then I started to realize that polyamory might not be for me.
I also suffer from really bad anxiety. I have been on medication for many years, but for some reason I decided to get myself off the meds. Well, my anxiety has come back something fierce. I almost considered going to the hospital one night.
So, in November, I asked Sarah to take a break from Sam. She reluctantly agreed to make it a friendship. However, when my anxiety got worse I just told her I needed her to stop. It was making me physically ill and pushing me away from her. We have 3 kids together, ages 6, 6, and 9. I can't let this happen. She agreed.
We are not currently speaking to our SOs. Sarah is a total mess. Still dealing with limerence, NRE, what have you, crying, etc. I feel horrible, but I cannot give her something that makes me sick.
So I am again asking the senior members here: how should I handle this situation? Is it possible to remain friends? Should I move away entirely? Will Sarah ever stop wanting to be with Sam? I don't know what I should do. I just know that I am not comfortable with her loving someone else, and not physically, either.
We have talked about it. I am torn. I want her to bd happy, but I know that I will not be happily married like this. I have to be honest with myself. Eventually this is going to push me away and I do not want that. Sarah loves me very much and wants to stay with me, but not if it makes me sick. The thing is, she will never run away with Sam. So it's a lose-lose situation.
I am sad I cannot find a place in my heart to move past my fears and insecurities. I sometimes think it's just my anxiety that causes me to be non-poly. I really believe in multiple loves. I just can't seem to live like that.
FYI, we are going to see a therapist who is poly-experienced.
I started the poly idea by falling in love with my wife Sarah's friend Sunny. Sarah decided to do the same with her friend's husband Sam. Since she decided, I had major problems with everything. I pretty much lost that special love for my Sunny during this time. Long story short, I struggled to be poly. I tried so hard I started having feelings for another woman. I know it was just my head wanting someone to take me away from this, but nevertheless, the feelings were there.
I also lost my ability to get an erection, which could have been caused by all this, or just my antidepressant medication. It was then I started to realize that polyamory might not be for me.
I also suffer from really bad anxiety. I have been on medication for many years, but for some reason I decided to get myself off the meds. Well, my anxiety has come back something fierce. I almost considered going to the hospital one night.
So, in November, I asked Sarah to take a break from Sam. She reluctantly agreed to make it a friendship. However, when my anxiety got worse I just told her I needed her to stop. It was making me physically ill and pushing me away from her. We have 3 kids together, ages 6, 6, and 9. I can't let this happen. She agreed.
We are not currently speaking to our SOs. Sarah is a total mess. Still dealing with limerence, NRE, what have you, crying, etc. I feel horrible, but I cannot give her something that makes me sick.
So I am again asking the senior members here: how should I handle this situation? Is it possible to remain friends? Should I move away entirely? Will Sarah ever stop wanting to be with Sam? I don't know what I should do. I just know that I am not comfortable with her loving someone else, and not physically, either.
We have talked about it. I am torn. I want her to bd happy, but I know that I will not be happily married like this. I have to be honest with myself. Eventually this is going to push me away and I do not want that. Sarah loves me very much and wants to stay with me, but not if it makes me sick. The thing is, she will never run away with Sam. So it's a lose-lose situation.
I am sad I cannot find a place in my heart to move past my fears and insecurities. I sometimes think it's just my anxiety that causes me to be non-poly. I really believe in multiple loves. I just can't seem to live like that.
FYI, we are going to see a therapist who is poly-experienced.
Last edited by a moderator:
