Lots Of Feelings

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GirlyPink

New member
Hi!

I am very new here. I am a 22 year old girl. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months now. He is so sweet, understanding and loving. This is my first ever relationship, and I have lots of feelings. I have obviously spoken to my boyfriend, but he recommended that I get some advice that maybe won't be so biased. I don't know where to begin.

My boyfriend is an open relationship with his wife and he has been very open about that. I am very open and supportive of him if he wants to pursue other relationships. He says I am very strong for navigating this relationship because it can be very challenging. I feel a lot of jealousy, anger, sadness, anxiety, and overall kind of crazy.

My boyfriend is in an open relationship with his wife. He has been super-sensitive to my feelings about our relationship. I don't really know how to deal with sharing a partner. And on top of everything we are long distance and I only get to see him about once-twice a month.

Now, this may be just be my anxiety talking, but I do not think his wife likes me like at all, I think because I am younger and I want to talk to him literally all the time. I feel like that's not a bad thing to want, though, to be able to talk to my boyfriend whenever. I also am just upset that, like, I give so much to our relationship and he does too, but it's frustrating when he doesn't answer my texts for hours at a time some days.

I guess I just need some advice on how to deal with being in a polyamorous relationship. I also am not familiar with any terms yet, so I am sorry if I said something wrong.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this! I am grateful for any advice/help. <3
 
Even if he lived around the corner, there will be times when he is busy and cannot answer your texts immediately.

You're with a man who is married, may have kids, likely has a job, other family commitments, and those things aren't things he shares with you. That's polyamory. You can't expect a married man to have the same time and space for you that a single guy has.

You're 22. Maybe find a traditional relationship with someone in a similar life stage and preferably monogamous.
 
I agree that the expectation to answer texts quickly fades with age and greater responsibilities. As a good poly hinge, father, and worker, there are times where he will not engage with you because in that moment, he has other priorities. Harsh but true.

In my life, I can't text at work until my breaks, it would be unprofessional to do so. I don't text partner A when I'm spending quality time with partners B or C. It would be rude to the partner I'm with to do so. I don't have kids, but I definitely wouldn't be texting when I'm reading them a story, having a meal, or playing with them as it's beyond rude.

So yes, you can talk to him as much as you like, but you need to manage your expectations in a polyamorous relationship with a presumably older, employed, married, father. He will talk back when he can, and sometimes that will be a while. Check in with yourself as to what your needs actually are in a relationship...like having someone who will always text you back immediately. You may find that in someone who is actually the opposite of your current bf.

His wife may not like you for blowing up his phone, no surprises there. That's not an age thing except for that you're young enough that you likely don't have the pressures of parenthood or career, so you can blow up his phone. Or perhaps you're a single mom who is craving adult conversation during the day. Either way, he can't provide it instantaneously. Also, if you're regularly telling him your negative emotions and expecting him to fix them for you, she is probably really tired of him then telling her about that, even if it's just him saying, "I need to go talk with GirlyPink for a bit, she's feeling jealous/angry/sad/anxious again." Imagine for a second what that's like from her perspective. Really, really intrusive. I'm pretty confident that you wouldn't like it if he spent your dates texting another jealous/anxious/sad/angry partner (i.e. not his wife who is probably quite good at giving him space on scheduled dates). Being in a polycule (network of relationships) means respecting the time that any hinge partner is having with another partner. Respect his time management. Respect his wife, his children, his boss, clients, business partners, work colleagues or whomever he is with that he cannot reply to your texts immediately.

If you want to learn a bit more about polyamory, here's some starter links that may be relevant to your current situation.
If you prefer podcasts, try https://www.multiamory.com/podcast


(BTW, him telling you you're strong isn't the compliment you think it is.)
 
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You aren't going to get the sort of time & attention you desire in a long-distance relationship with a married poly man. He isn't available for lots of dates or texting or spontaneous booty. Are you truly satisfied with a partner you only see once or twice a month?

Your choices are either 1) try to fill in the space with other partners. However, if you're actually mono-amorous (romantically/sexually focused on ONE person at a time) this won't feel satisfying to you. 2) Find partner who is monogamous or local or has less on his or her plate, whatever combination works to get you the sort of relationship you actually WANT. In short, sounds like you'd prefer someone who can give you more of their time & loves getting lots of attention from you. This man, great as he may be, isn't it.
 
Evie said:
His wife may not like you for blowing up his phone, no surprises there. That's not an age thing except for that you're young enough that you likely don't have the pressures of parenthood or career, so you can blow up his phone.
Click to expand...


Just to add and not saying it's the case here. But sometimes, people in the OP's position speculate or are led to believe that the wife is just jealous when actually she is concerned.

She's concerned because sometimes they have some sort of agreement that they don't have the space or consent for other "serious" relationships and the husband has sought someone out who is obviously wanting one. Sometimes her concern is genuinely ALL for a usually younger woman who is on the path for heartache because the wife KNOWS her husband isn't going to leave her so the only thing that will happen is the newer woman is abruptly discarded.
 
I'm just a random bitter person who failed to make the right decision, and I'm gonna tell you your future if you don't find the strength to design your future. Feel free to dismiss what I write, but please consider.

You're gonna stay in this relationship. You try to date for yourself, but you don't want to commit fully to any of your potential boyfriends because you have this man you love, and no relationship develops.

Maybe you finish school. In any case, you're gonna move to where he lives to get more time and attention, because there's two of them and they have ties in place, and they're not gonna break those to move to your city.

You date. It's great. You see him twice a week, which you feel isn't as much as his wife (while you actually are getting the quality time). You're also paying the rent for your own apartment, while they are already living together with the financial benefits it brings. So you start advocating for a more equal time-split and cohabitation situation. He loves you and wants to grant you that, but now his wife really isn't happy. She was fine with him dating, but they didn't agree on a co-primary relationship. They have some conflict. Eventually, they sort it out. She adapts.

With trouble, you find some living arrangement that, for the moment, just works. You're happy. But now they decide to have a child. You knew this was coming, but you are still blindsided by the strength of your jealousy. You have to undo the rest of your monogamous programming because now it's completely certain that she's here to stay. You grieve, you adapt.

Besides, you'd like a child of your own at this point, but none of you feels like having a baby in two households at once is a good idea. So you wait.

You realize you made this compromise of moving to their city, and if it were up to you, you would have chosen somewhere else to live (perhaps somewhere near to your family, or closer to work opportunities). But there's no way to move the polycule, because having a small child, they got really entangled with the local community, which is now very important to your partner's wife.

You realize you've chosen polyamory, but it would be much easier to compromise on big life choices with a monogamous person. Your partner is nice, but you're certainly not in love anymore, and the sexual passion has waned quite a bit.

But you're past thirty now, and it would be about time to have a kid if you want one. Will you have it in this situation? Will you regret the adaptations you made to match his lifestyle? Will you be fine leaving and starting over?
 
Hello GirlyPink,

You need time, your feelings are not going to go away right away. Polyamory is so opposite of the way we are taught things are supposed to go, you have a lot of monogamous conditioning to work through. On the other hand, I am concerned about his wife's feelings toward you, she needs to get over that as you have done nothing wrong. I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend, I know this is a difficult time, and the fact that it is long-distance makes it extra hard.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
OP, you sound like a kind and thoughtful person.

But I wouldn't recommend a poly relationship for anyone's first ever relationship unless non-monogamy strongly appeals to you regardless of whether this relationship works out.

Especially with an older married man, a poly relationship in that circumstance is going to be more challenging than a poly relationship with someone unmarried and/or your own age.

Is there any advantage for you to date a married man in an open relationship?

For example, that you believe in the philosophy of polyamory (multiple loves), that you want to date multiple people yourself, that you like not having the pressure of ever marrying your partner, that you like that your boyfriend isn't possessive of you, that you've always been drawn to non-monogamy, that you like having time to yourself so you're happy he has his own life, etc.

(All of the above were advantages for me when I was in my first poly relationship, second relationship ever, when I was only 21. But no one in my life understood why I felt happy dating a man who lived with another woman; and no one gave me good advice when he ended up treating me badly anyway).

Other than that you have feelings for this particularly guy, would you seek out open/poly relationships yourself?

Most people are monogamous (whether by choice, orientation, or lack of awareness of other options), so you should be able to find a monogamous boyfriend if that's what you want.

If you want to be in a non-monogamous relationship, you can also find one that isn't as challenging, for example someone who isn't married or cohabitating with his other partner(s).

If you want to continue in this relationship, you have to recognize that you can't "talk to your boyfriend whenever" because you need to respect that sometimes he will be spending time with his other partner and won't want to be interrupted. As others have said, he may also have other commitments like work or children when he isn't available to text you/talk to you (which could be true even if he were monogamous). In general, not everyone wants to text constantly with someone they're dating.

I am skeptical of your boyfriend telling you that you are "strong for navigating this relationship." I'm sure you're strong and it's true that it does take certain emotional strengths to navigate non-monogamy. But there is something a little manipulative about him saying that. Especially if he is indeed older than you with more life experience. It is like a way of him lulling you into accepting a type of relationship that you don't actually want. "You're so strong to do this, you're so special/so different from other women," etc. Eh, it doesn't sit right with me.

Non-monogamy should be a joyous, appealing choice to anyone pursuing a non-monogamous relationship.

Perhaps it is appealing to you, and you just want help navigating the dynamic?
 
Here are a couple examples of women I know who successfully dated/are still dating older poly married men when they were in their early twenties:

1) A woman I know, Aqua, has spent close to 15 years now in a very happy relationship with an older married man. It started when she was about 22 or 23, I think, and he was in his 30s. I believe they met because she was interested in exploring non-monogamy, and kink in particular, so she was seeking out a relationship style that appealed to her. But she also knew she wanted marriage and kids someday, so she imagined that non-monogamy was just something she was going to explore in her 20s and then give up later.

Aqua started dating Copper, who was/is married to Silver. Copper and Silver were both older than Aqua and very experienced in the local poly and kink scenes. They have an established life together and identify as hierarchical poly (meaning they put some limits on their other relationships in order to prioritize each other), but they have a reputation for treating their other/secondary partners kindly, maintaining multiple long-term serious secondary relationships where the metamours get along well.

Aqua initially wanted things to stay casual or just kink-focused with Copper, but they fell in love. Aqua was worried about what that would mean for her. Copper explained clearly that no matter how serious, loving, and committed they became with each other, he didn't want to live with anyone other than Silver, didn't want to be married to anyone other than Silver, and would never want to have children with Aqua. (He also was clear that he intended to have other partners besides Silver and Aqua, as well).

He encouraged Aqua to continue developing her own independent life and to date other people and seek out potential partners of her own for marriage and children someday. Aqua agreed with that plan, but warned Copper that she might choose monogamy for the right marriage partner someday.

As their relationship developed, Aqua flourished. Copper was consistently kind and loving. He helped Aqua pay for an apartment where he could visit conveniently while she attended grad school. Aqua and Silver became friends and a big part of each other's lives. After grad school, Aqua searched for a job near Copper and Silver (luckily, not far from her own family) and got an apartment near them (again with Copper's financial help). Aqua's professional career went well, and when she could afford the apartment on her own, she and Copper discontinued their financial entanglements, but otherwise did not change their relationship.

Throughout a decade of dating Copper, Aqua put a lot of effort into dating other people [I know her because she went on a date with my former partner at the time] and she eventually determined that she definitely, fully identifies as polyamorous and did not want to end up in a monogamous marriage. So, she narrowed down her search for a potential marriage partner who is non-monogamous and would accept Copper as a metamour while building a life with Aqua. It took about 10 years to find the right person, but Aqua did find him and married in her early 30s.

I don't know much about Aqua's husband, just the fact that they married, bought a house, had a kid, just had a second baby, and Aqua is still in a relationship with Copper, going on 15 years now. She still speaks very highly of her metamour Silver. (I don't think Aqua has other partners besides her husband and Copper, and I don't know if she wants any others... maybe when her kids are older LOL... or maybe her husband prefers a more limited non-monogamy... I don't know that he has other poly partners himself.)

So, that's an example of a successful poly arrangement where the married man was clear about what limits their relationship had and didn't have, and the unmarried woman deliberately sought out a life partner of her own.

2) Another young woman I know, Lavender, is only about 22 and has been dating a married poly man in his 30s for about a year now. Lavender was raised by poly people in a very open alternative community, so she was not unfamiliar with non-monogamy at all and gets good advice from her "elders." She likes her married boyfriend specifically because he is chill, non-possessive, and doesn't pressure her to get more serious.

Prior to meeting him, she dated a lot of awkward and bewildered 19- to 21-year-old dudes who had never heard of non-monogamy, were dumbfounded when she said she wanted to date them and keep dating other people, were intensely jealous of anything else she did, and were utterly useless at communicating their feelings.

The older married dude is very awesome compared to that. His wife is very comfortable with poly, has several partners of her own, and is very friendly with Lavender. I do think she kind of regards Lavender as a kid, but she's not jealous of her. And Lavender is so likeable and adorable that anyone would be lucky to have her as a metamour.

Lavender's boyfriend (and his wife) do not have the budget to help Lavender navigate the financial uncertainty of her 20s, so Lavender is figuring out her career, housing, etc., on her own. She is happy identifying as mostly single, with a poly boyfriend whom she sees about once a week.

These are just examples, OP, of what poly relationships with your dynamic can look like.
 
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Tinwen said:
I'm just a random bitter person who failed to make the right decision, and I'm gonna tell you your future if you don't find the strength to design your future. Feel free to dismiss what I write, but please consider.

You're gonna stay in this relationship. You try to date for yourself, but you don't want to commit fully to any of your potential boyfriends because you have this man you love, and no relationship develops.

Maybe you finish school. In any case, you're gonna move to where he lives to get more time and attention, because there's two of them and they have ties in place, and they're not gonna break those to move to your city.

You date. It's great. You see him twice a week, which you feel isn't as much as his wife (while you actually are getting the quality time). You're also paying the rent for your own apartment, while they are already living together with the financial benefits it brings. So you start advocating for a more equal time-split and cohabitation situation. He loves you and wants to grant you that, but now his wife really isn't happy. She was fine with him dating, but they didn't agree on a co-primary relationship. They have some conflict. Eventually, they sort it out. She adapts.

With trouble, you find some living arrangement that, for the moment, just works. You're happy. But now they decide to have a child. You knew this was coming, but you are still blindsided by the strength of your jealousy. You have to undo the rest of your monogamous programming because now it's completely certain that she's here to stay. You grieve, you adapt.

Besides, you'd like a child of your own at this point, but none of you feels like having a baby in two households at once is a good idea. So you wait.

You realize you made this compromise of moving to their city, and if it were up to you, you would have chosen somewhere else to live (perhaps somewhere near to your family, or closer to work opportunities). But there's no way to move the polycule, because having a small child, they got really entangled with the local community, which is now very important to your partner's wife.

You realize you've chosen polyamory, but it would be much easier to compromise on big life choices with a monogamous person. Your partner is nice, but you're certainly not in love anymore, and the sexual passion has waned quite a bit.

But you're past thirty now, and it would be about time to have a kid if you want one. Will you have it in this situation? Will you regret the adaptations you made to match his lifestyle? Will you be fine leaving and starting over?
Click to expand...
I am very sorry to hear this, Tinwen.

Your 30s is not too old! Leave and build your own life. You will be so happy, I promise.

Plenty of women (not just poly women) have had to start over in their 30s after thinking they would have a kid with someone but it never happened. They can still go on to have children with someone else.

Never wanted children myself, but I did just have to start over in my 40s after being with Eli for 12 years and thinking we would grow old together (as poly people in separate house, but together). Similarly, I found I made all the compromises and he was willing to make absolutely none. Nor to appreciate the ones I had made.

Leaving him seemed insurmountable at first, but after I did it, I felt such a weight off me and such freedom for a future of my choosing.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello GirlyPink,

You need time, your feelings are not going to go away right away. Polyamory is so opposite of the way we are taught things are supposed to go, you have a lot of monogamous conditioning to work through. On the other hand, I am concerned about his wife's feelings toward you, she needs to get over that as you have done nothing wrong. I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend, I know this is a difficult time, and the fact that it is long-distance makes it extra hard.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
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Thank you for the advice! May I separately message you if that is okay?
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
Even if he lived around the corner, there will be times when he is busy and cannot answer your texts immediately.

You're with a man who is married, may have kids, likely has a job, other family commitments, and those things aren't things he shares with you. That's polyamory. You can't expect a married man to have the same time and space for you that a single guy has.

You're 22. Maybe find a traditional relationship with someone in a similar life stage and preferably monogamous.
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I understand that he is not available 24/7 and I know he has other commitments. I seem to have not worded what I was trying to say correctly. I do not expect him to solely have time for me all the time and I have never pressured him to drop everything for me. I appreciate you taking the time to respond! :)
 
Evie said:
I agree that the expectation to answer texts quickly fades with age and greater responsibilities. As a good poly hinge, father, and worker, there are times where he will not engage with you because in that moment, he has other priorities. Harsh but true.

In my life, I can't text at work until my breaks, it would be unprofessional to do so. I don't text partner A when I'm spending quality time with partners B or C. It would be rude to the partner I'm with to do so. I don't have kids, but I definitely wouldn't be texting when I'm reading them a story, having a meal, or playing with them as it's beyond rude.

So yes, you can talk to him as much as you like, but you need to manage your expectations in a polyamorous relationship with a presumably older, employed, married, father. He will talk back when he can, and sometimes that will be a while. Check in with yourself as to what your needs actually are in a relationship...like having someone who will always text you back immediately. You may find that in someone who is actually the opposite of your current bf.

His wife may not like you for blowing up his phone, no surprises there. That's not an age thing except for that you're young enough that you likely don't have the pressures of parenthood or career, so you can blow up his phone. Or perhaps you're a single mom who is craving adult conversation during the day. Either way, he can't provide it instantaneously. Also, if you're regularly telling him your negative emotions and expecting him to fix them for you, she is probably really tired of him then telling her about that, even if it's just him saying, "I need to go talk with GirlyPink for a bit, she's feeling jealous/angry/sad/anxious again." Imagine for a second what that's like from her perspective. Really, really intrusive. I'm pretty confident that you wouldn't like it if he spent your dates texting another jealous/anxious/sad/angry partner (i.e. not his wife who is probably quite good at giving him space on scheduled dates). Being in a polycule (network of relationships) means respecting the time that any hinge partner is having with another partner. Respect his time management. Respect his wife, his children, his boss, clients, business partners, work colleagues or whomever he is with that he cannot reply to your texts immediately.

If you want to learn a bit more about polyamory, here's some starter links that may be relevant to your current situation.
If you prefer podcasts, try https://www.multiamory.com/podcast


(BTW, him telling you you're strong isn't the compliment you think it is.)
Click to expand...
I do respect his life and his marriage to his wife and I have also told him that she is priority number 1. Thank you for replying and giving some solid resources! :)
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
Just to add and not saying it's the case here. But sometimes, people in the OP's position speculate or are led to believe that the wife is just jealous when actually she is concerned.

She's concerned because sometimes they have some sort of agreement that they don't have the space or consent for other "serious" relationships and the husband has sought someone out who is obviously wanting one. Sometimes her concern is genuinely ALL for a usually younger woman who is on the path for heartache because the wife KNOWS her husband isn't going to leave her so the only thing that will happen is the newer woman is abruptly discarded.
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This is a very good point. I have been with older men because I just have never clicked with boys my own age. A lot of time, I have been abruptly discarded because they are either married and didn't share that with me or someone gets jealous!
 
Tinwen said:
I'm just a random bitter person who failed to make the right decision, and I'm gonna tell you your future if you don't find the strength to design your future. Feel free to dismiss what I write, but please consider.

You're gonna stay in this relationship. You try to date for yourself, but you don't want to commit fully to any of your potential boyfriends because you have this man you love, and no relationship develops.

Maybe you finish school. In any case, you're gonna move to where he lives to get more time and attention, because there's two of them and they have ties in place, and they're not gonna break those to move to your city.

You date. It's great. You see him twice a week, which you feel isn't as much as his wife (while you actually are getting the quality time). You're also paying the rent for your own apartment, while they are already living together with the financial benefits it brings. So you start advocating for a more equal time-split and cohabitation situation. He loves you and wants to grant you that, but now his wife really isn't happy. She was fine with him dating, but they didn't agree on a co-primary relationship. They have some conflict. Eventually, they sort it out. She adapts.

With trouble, you find some living arrangement that, for the moment, just works. You're happy. But now they decide to have a child. You knew this was coming, but you are still blindsided by the strength of your jealousy. You have to undo the rest of your monogamous programming because now it's completely certain that she's here to stay. You grieve, you adapt.

Besides, you'd like a child of your own at this point, but none of you feels like having a baby in two households at once is a good idea. So you wait.

You realize you made this compromise of moving to their city, and if it were up to you, you would have chosen somewhere else to live (perhaps somewhere near to your family, or closer to work opportunities). But there's no way to move the polycule, because having a small child, they got really entangled with the local community, which is now very important to your partner's wife.

You realize you've chosen polyamory, but it would be much easier to compromise on big life choices with a monogamous person. Your partner is nice, but you're certainly not in love anymore, and the sexual passion has waned quite a bit.

But you're past thirty now, and it would be about time to have a kid if you want one. Will you have it in this situation? Will you regret the adaptations you made to match his lifestyle? Will you be fine leaving and starting over?
Click to expand...
I know our relationship won't last forever, but thank you for being open and sharing your experience with me! :)
 
MeeraReed said:
OP, you sound like a kind and thoughtful person.

But I wouldn't recommend a poly relationship for anyone's first ever relationship unless non-monogamy strongly appeals to you regardless of whether this relationship works out.

Especially with an older married man, a poly relationship in that circumstance is going to be more challenging than a poly relationship with someone unmarried and/or your own age.

Is there any advantage for you to date a married man in an open relationship?

For example, that you believe in the philosophy of polyamory (multiple loves), that you want to date multiple people yourself, that you like not having the pressure of ever marrying your partner, that you like that your boyfriend isn't possessive of you, that you've always been drawn to non-monogamy, that you like having time to yourself so you're happy he has his own life, etc.

(All of the above were advantages for me when I was in my first poly relationship, second relationship ever, when I was only 21. But no one in my life understood why I felt happy dating a man who lived with another woman; and no one gave me good advice when he ended up treating me badly anyway).

Other than that you have feelings for this particularly guy, would you seek out open/poly relationships yourself?

Most people are monogamous (whether by choice, orientation, or lack of awareness of other options), so you should be able to find a monogamous boyfriend if that's what you want.

If you want to be in a non-monogamous relationship, you can also find one that isn't as challenging, for example someone who isn't married or cohabitating with his other partner(s).

If you want to continue in this relationship, you have to recognize that you can't "talk to your boyfriend whenever" because you need to respect that sometimes he will be spending time with his other partner and won't want to be interrupted. As others have said, he may also have other commitments like work or children when he isn't available to text you/talk to you (which could be true even if he were monogamous). In general, not everyone wants to text constantly with someone they're dating.

I am skeptical of your boyfriend telling you that you are "strong for navigating this relationship." I'm sure you're strong and it's true that it does take certain emotional strengths to navigate non-monogamy. But there is something a little manipulative about him saying that. Especially if he is indeed older than you with more life experience. It is like a way of him lulling you into accepting a type of relationship that you don't actually want. "You're so strong to do this, you're so special/so different from other women," etc. Eh, it doesn't sit right with me.

Non-monogamy should be a joyous, appealing choice to anyone pursuing a non-monogamous relationship.

Perhaps it is appealing to you, and you just want help navigating the dynamic?
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I really appreciate this advice! I did not realize that him saying I am strong is manipulative. Thank you for putting things into perspective for me, thank you again for your time! :)
 
GirlyPink said:
I understand that he is not available 24/7 and I know he has other commitments. I seem to have not worded what I was trying to say correctly. I do not expect him to solely have time for me all the time and I have never pressured him to drop everything for me. I appreciate you taking the time to respond! :)
Click to expand...
If your question didn't come across how you wanted, could you reword it now?
 
MeeraReed said:
I am very sorry to hear this, Tinwen.

Your 30s is not too old! Leave and build your own life. You will be so happy, I promise.

Plenty of women (not just poly women) have had to start over in their 30s after thinking they would have a kid with someone but it never happened. They can still go on to have children with someone else.

Never wanted children myself, but I did just have to start over in my 40s after being with Eli for 12 years and thinking we would grow old together (as poly people in separate house, but together). Similarly, I found I made all the compromises and he was willing to make absolutely none. Nor to appreciate the ones I had made.

Leaving him seemed insurmountable at first, but after I did it, I felt such a weight off me and such freedom for a future of my choosing.
Click to expand...
Thank you :/
I emphasized certain aspects, making this a lot more clear-cut... me personally, I still don't really know what I want, e.g. I'm much less sure I want a child than I make it sound in the text. But there it is, the (in my opinion) underemphasized hurdle of polyamory. I have to resolve my in vs. out dilemma - I still believe there is also a way "in", but I'm hovering in the fucking "neither in nor out" space, trying to decide between family-focus vs. carreer-focus and the known vs. the unknown, inner uncertainty translating to outward inaction.

Let's stop derailing OPs thread.
 
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Hi GirlyPink,

I responded to your private message, it is fine for us to talk in that conversation. I hope things work out for you in your current relationship.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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