Me, the know-nothing

Mastinaro said:
I at least 3 occasions I told her "I know you were with him, and I accept it as long as we can talk it out and you make efforts to stop it. But please come clean. I am already resigned that you are doing it".
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You do realize that requiring her to "make efforts to stop it" kinda begs her to lie to you, don't you? "Be honest with me, but don't tell me what I don't want to hear" is what you've essentially said to her. Hence, the lies. At least take responsibility for your part in things going south here.
 
I'm sorry you deal with this.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can do so you can be healthy. Divorce seems to be the best solution in this case. She's not wanting to be honest, she continues the affair with the questionable BF, now spends household money to support his cocaine habit. Ugh.

If she wants to keep going with the BF post divorce... that's her deal.

You do not have to be a part of that. Get yourself out of the line of fire. Continue to separate your finances, living arrangements, etc as you proceed through the divorce.

I'm very sorry it turned out this way though.

Galagirl
 
Thanks for all your answers. I don't think lying in such an important matter is justified, ever.

The plot has thickened a bit. She tells me she's been lying to her BF all this time by telling him that we haven't been an item for a long time. And there is a third man she's been seeing. The father of one of our boy's best friends. Husband to a friend of hers -not super close, but a good friend anyway. According to her, no sex yet, but making out.

Now I am really starting to think that something snapped inside her. I've know this woman for 15 years and I know this is NOT her. I've lived with her for over 10 years and she never, ever strayed. I'll guess I start hanging out in Psychology forums instead.

Anyway, thanks a bunch. You are a very kind lot.
 
FWIW, I still consider you welcome on this forum at any time. Anytime we can help, just let us know.
 
Thank you so much, Kdt. Life allowing, I will come back. My brief (and regrettably fake) dip into poly was lovely. When I sort my life out I will try to embrace this style.
 
Mastinaro said:
Thanks for all your answers. I don't think lying in such an important matter is justified, ever.

The plot has thickened a bit. She tells me she's been lying to her BF all this time by telling him that we haven't been an item for a long time. And there is a third man she's been seeing. The father of one of our boy's best friends. Husband to a friend of hers -not super close, but a good friend anyway. According to her, no sex yet, but making out.

Now I am really starting to think that something snapped inside her. I've know this woman for 15 years and I know this is NOT her. I've lived with her for over 10 years and she never, ever strayed. I'll guess I start hanging out in Psychology forums instead.

Anyway, thanks a bunch. You are a very kind lot.
Click to expand...

I can't even begin to fathom what is up with your wife's behaviour - and if she's trying to "lie" and cover-up, she's not doing a great job, since she seems to keep "confessing" her sins to you.

My best guess is she may be acting out as a means of getting out of the marriage, without having to directly say so. OR she could be in the grip of a drug addiction herself (along with the bad boyfriend) that is making her act out of character. Other possibilities are a legit chemical imbalance: brain chemistry issues/mental illness, menopausal depression and changes in personality associated with mid-life crisis or the like (not likely, but it happens).

I'm so so sorry this has happened. If you care for your wife, you may want to see if she's willing to be assessed, but regardless, I'd definitely protect yourself, the kids, and your assets from being further affected by her actions.
 
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