Pigwidgeon
Member
I’m really struggling to get my husband to understand my need for alone time. This has always been a bit of an issue, but has understandably become worse during lockdown.
He works from home and doesn’t really go out unless we’re together so there is almost never a time when I am at home and he isn’t - and when it does happen I’m usually with our children. (I appreciate many of my friends moan about their husbands going out to sailing or to play golf or to the pub or whatever and wish they were around more!)
I am really lucky that our children are pretty easy and even when we are all in the house I can sneak away and be by myself....but I can hear them watching their stupid YouTube videos or they’ll come and tell me they’re hungry or they’ll come and do a poo whilst I’m relaxing in the bath.
I’m also lucky because I can get out for walks but I just want to be alone in my home sometimes. Not to do anything specific, just to be.
My husband just doesn’t get it or says it’s easier said than done. He takes it a bit personally and I don’t think he understands it’s not that I want to be away from him but that I want to be alone and uninterrupted for a bit. (I have told him this.)
Today he has offered to take the children out so I can be alone. I know I sound ungrateful but that’s not what I want. I want him to take them out because he wants to take them out, to weave some alone time into my normal life rather than it having to be something he is giving me and that I should be grateful for. And it’s Sunday and I’m not doing anything, so I’d feel guilty not going out as a family.
I feel really ungrateful and like I’m asking too much but I also know it’s making me stressed and irritable and I don’t want to be like this. I have tried talking to friends about it but they don’t seem to get it... however their husbands aren’t working from home or they’re split up and their ex has their kids at least sometimes.
I love my husband to bits but I fantasise about splitting up just so I could have my own place and have regular alone time (plus handy for poly activities but that’s another story!).
He’s going to see a counsellor this week which I hope will help him understand this better, so I’m looking for validation here more than practical solutions - I appreciate it will get easier once lockdown is over. It’s more that I feel like he’s not respecting what I think is a fair and reasonable request - he doesn’t need to understand it or agree with it to be able to respect it.
He works from home and doesn’t really go out unless we’re together so there is almost never a time when I am at home and he isn’t - and when it does happen I’m usually with our children. (I appreciate many of my friends moan about their husbands going out to sailing or to play golf or to the pub or whatever and wish they were around more!)
I am really lucky that our children are pretty easy and even when we are all in the house I can sneak away and be by myself....but I can hear them watching their stupid YouTube videos or they’ll come and tell me they’re hungry or they’ll come and do a poo whilst I’m relaxing in the bath.
I’m also lucky because I can get out for walks but I just want to be alone in my home sometimes. Not to do anything specific, just to be.
My husband just doesn’t get it or says it’s easier said than done. He takes it a bit personally and I don’t think he understands it’s not that I want to be away from him but that I want to be alone and uninterrupted for a bit. (I have told him this.)
Today he has offered to take the children out so I can be alone. I know I sound ungrateful but that’s not what I want. I want him to take them out because he wants to take them out, to weave some alone time into my normal life rather than it having to be something he is giving me and that I should be grateful for. And it’s Sunday and I’m not doing anything, so I’d feel guilty not going out as a family.
I feel really ungrateful and like I’m asking too much but I also know it’s making me stressed and irritable and I don’t want to be like this. I have tried talking to friends about it but they don’t seem to get it... however their husbands aren’t working from home or they’re split up and their ex has their kids at least sometimes.
I love my husband to bits but I fantasise about splitting up just so I could have my own place and have regular alone time (plus handy for poly activities but that’s another story!).
He’s going to see a counsellor this week which I hope will help him understand this better, so I’m looking for validation here more than practical solutions - I appreciate it will get easier once lockdown is over. It’s more that I feel like he’s not respecting what I think is a fair and reasonable request - he doesn’t need to understand it or agree with it to be able to respect it.