Doublelove69
New member
So I would like some advice on meeting a new couple. I've been talk to a couple for a little while. And I would like this to last. How can I keep it from being all about sex? I'm still new to this and want to do it right.
Meeting a new couple!!!
- Thread starter Doublelove69
- Start date
It sounds like you have been trying to date couples for a while and it has always seemed shallow and all about sex. Is that right?
Can you share more information? Are you female and bisexual and trying to date MF couples who want to "add a third and become a throuple"?
Can you share more information? Are you female and bisexual and trying to date MF couples who want to "add a third and become a throuple"?
Doublelove69
New member
Yes. It's a bi male couple. They are wanting a mmf throuple.
Generally, if you want a long-term relationship, rather than just jumping into talking about sex and having sex right away, you should spend some non-sexual time talking about what your long-term goals are. This can seem like "too much, too soon" though, so it's best to keep things light and friendly for a while before things get too hot emotionally or sexually. You need to get to know these guys, their history with poly, etc. See how they relate to each other too.
Remember that "throuples" or triads are 3 Vs stacked up.
You and Guy A
You and Guy B
Guy A and Guy B
Each dyad will have its own dynamic. There is no guarantee you will get along as well with Guy A as you do with Guy B. Also, one of them may be very interested in you, while the other one isn't. One of the guys may be more interested in a triad than the other. Make sure they are both really into you intellectually and emotionally before jumping into bed.
Triads are very hard to do. They are great when they work, but they are actually quite rare. It can take a lot of long hard conversations to make sure your goals actually really line up. Beware of NRE (infatuation) and rose-colored glasses! It can make you miss red flags.
That said, MFM relationships generally work out better than FMF ones do.
What would happen if you hit it off with Guy A long term, but the spark with Guy B wasn't there, or faded? Would they break up with you despite the love between you and Guy A?
Remember that "throuples" or triads are 3 Vs stacked up.
You and Guy A
You and Guy B
Guy A and Guy B
Each dyad will have its own dynamic. There is no guarantee you will get along as well with Guy A as you do with Guy B. Also, one of them may be very interested in you, while the other one isn't. One of the guys may be more interested in a triad than the other. Make sure they are both really into you intellectually and emotionally before jumping into bed.
Triads are very hard to do. They are great when they work, but they are actually quite rare. It can take a lot of long hard conversations to make sure your goals actually really line up. Beware of NRE (infatuation) and rose-colored glasses! It can make you miss red flags.
That said, MFM relationships generally work out better than FMF ones do.
What would happen if you hit it off with Guy A long term, but the spark with Guy B wasn't there, or faded? Would they break up with you despite the love between you and Guy A?
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Hello Doublelove69,
Communication is the most important thing (second to knowledge and consent) in polyamory. Say to this MM couple that you are hoping for the full spectrum of romance, not just sex. Ask them if you could do some non-sexual things with them for a while, so that you could make sure that the three of you are a good match for each other in many ways. If you are honest about your wants, needs, and feelings, I think they will respect that.
Keep pursuing things with them, but pursue things a little at a time. Don't be in too much of a hurry. I know this is very exciting, you have wanted to meet a new couple for a long time, and I'm sure you don't want to lose them now that you have found one. Try not to let your anxiousness become too strong, you don't want to scare them away by being too anxious about them. As I said, communication is the most important thing.
I'm very happy for you, that you have found this couple.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Communication is the most important thing (second to knowledge and consent) in polyamory. Say to this MM couple that you are hoping for the full spectrum of romance, not just sex. Ask them if you could do some non-sexual things with them for a while, so that you could make sure that the three of you are a good match for each other in many ways. If you are honest about your wants, needs, and feelings, I think they will respect that.
Keep pursuing things with them, but pursue things a little at a time. Don't be in too much of a hurry. I know this is very exciting, you have wanted to meet a new couple for a long time, and I'm sure you don't want to lose them now that you have found one. Try not to let your anxiousness become too strong, you don't want to scare them away by being too anxious about them. As I said, communication is the most important thing.
I'm very happy for you, that you have found this couple.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
AjaxSantiago
New member
I was in a triad. MMF. It was amazing because the M was my best friend and we shared our F. It was very sexual at first. Like nonstop. We were together all the time, naked. The excitement was what kept us going at it. My best friend wasn’t cold he was always just a loner. Even growing up he would break off alone.
But relationship wise, it felt more like me and her were in love separately. My best friend loves me, and would love to make love to me, but he would “f*ck” her. I loved them both very much. But they didn’t have the spark. The rough sex was fun but after a while she wanted to feel love from him too. It splintered into a V. Then she left me and him. He was very rough with me sometimes (only sexually), and I ended up taking a job somewhere so that physical presence disappeared. We stayed in contact though
I’m now in a marriage now with kids. And I always introduce him as my best friend because he is. But I would love nothing more than to have him and her living together with me. I’m happy to say they get along very well, but my wife is not really into polyamory anymore because of our kids. I’d probably have to introduce the idea to them via a sexual dynamic. Threesome first. Then relationship if all goes well.
She lets me explore and engage in other relationships but she doesn’t want to bring it home. I feel like my best friend and I with her would become the perfect polyamory triad.
But relationship wise, it felt more like me and her were in love separately. My best friend loves me, and would love to make love to me, but he would “f*ck” her. I loved them both very much. But they didn’t have the spark. The rough sex was fun but after a while she wanted to feel love from him too. It splintered into a V. Then she left me and him. He was very rough with me sometimes (only sexually), and I ended up taking a job somewhere so that physical presence disappeared. We stayed in contact though
I’m now in a marriage now with kids. And I always introduce him as my best friend because he is. But I would love nothing more than to have him and her living together with me. I’m happy to say they get along very well, but my wife is not really into polyamory anymore because of our kids. I’d probably have to introduce the idea to them via a sexual dynamic. Threesome first. Then relationship if all goes well.
She lets me explore and engage in other relationships but she doesn’t want to bring it home. I feel like my best friend and I with her would become the perfect polyamory triad.