Meeting girlfriend's parents

M

Maleficent

New member
(Quick back ground: I've been with my husband for 16 years, and with my girlfriend for almost one year. We moved away from her due to my husbands military career and are planning to move her in with us. Possibly soon. There are seven dependent children between the three of us.)

Not long ago she came out to her parents about our relationship. It sort of just needed to happen so she went for it. Bravo to her. :)

I'm visiting her at the end of the month and will be her plus one at her cousins wedding. We don't intend to be very obvious at the wedding and reception. Only her parents know and we don't want to cause a stir with the extended family. We just want to enjoy each others company and have a nice evening.

Her parents will be in attendance and I get to meet them. I'm just a wee bit freaking out. lol They were not so thrilled to find out their daughter is dating a woman. Less thrilled that I am a married woman. Even less thrilled that she's also dating my husband. And way even less thrilled that she plans to sell her house and move across the country to live with us.

They are "accepting" and "trying to understand". Which is better than spitting nails and not speaking to her. They are concerned for her. It's crazy to imagine myself on the receiving end of a what-are-your-intentions-with-our-daughter conversation.

So that's the story so far. lol It's nice to talk about it openly. Any tips or encouragement would be lovely. Last time I met the parents it didn't go so hot. DH's parents are....um..... well they are crazy.
 
Just be yourself. I know my family would be concerned it was some weird cult and being confronted with a normal, healthy person would completely disarm them.
 
I'm pretty normal, so that's good. :)

Ill meet them at the wedding then they are spending the next week visiting my girlfriend and her kids. They have a hotel room, I'm staying at her house. We will have several days to get to know each other.

My girlfriend couldn't take time off so it's me, the kids, and her parents until 2:00 every day. I just don't know what to expect. When I have visited before I love the days with the kids and we do fun stuff but I don't want to get in the way. They haven't seen their grand kids in a year. She says I'm over thinking and making myself too nervous. She's probably right.
 
Maleficent said:
Ill meet them at the wedding then they are spending the next week visiting my girlfriend and her kids. They have a hotel room, I'm staying at her house. We will have several days to get to know each other.
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This is a pretty cool problem to have. Granted, I would not volunteer to be in a situation where I was expected to 'entertain' my partners parents for any notable length of time, but if that's as bad as it gets I'd say we're all doing pretty well.

I hope you have a good time. I'm curious to hear how it goes.
 
I think you're right. It is a pretty cool problem to have. :)

I have her full support. The kids love me and we have a great bond. It's almost embarrassing how much I want her parents to like me. I feel like a teenager.

Entertainment is not expected but I don't mind at all. I'd rather we go play with the kids than sit around all awkward and stuff. And if they don't want me tagging along I have other friends I can visit to keep busy.
 
Update

What a week! Time with her was amazing as always. Time with the kids was so fun. The wedding was beautiful. My date was beautiful. I can't get enough of her.

Meeting her parents wasn't nearly as awkward as I imagined it to be. They seemed to spend a while sizing me up which I expected but after a bit they relaxed.

They invited me along on outings with the kids but I felt like it was better for me to let them go without me. Just the vibe I was getting. I cooked dinner in the evenings and we all visited until they went back to their hotel for the night.

She had a chance to ask them how they felt about the relationship. Basically they like me a lot but still struggle with the idea of us being romantically involved. They see how happy she is and feel like im good for her. They just don't want to "see anything" which is fine.

I got hugs from each of them when we said good bye. Not a bad start.
 
Well, I'm glad it went ok, but this

They were not so thrilled to find out their daughter is dating a woman.
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Are they homophobes? Did they not know she was bi til now?

I've never had an issue with what gender my adult kids dated or had relationships with. As long as they are happy, who cares how the genitalia are configured?

So glad the younger generation is so much more relaxed about same sex relationships. It's all based on crappy ancient Judeo Christian "values," which are from interpretations of Biblical verses dating from when Babylon and Rome ruled the world. Come on, people! Grow up.
 
I think it's a compound issue of their daughter dating a married woman and a married man. At once. It's a lot to take in. I don't think they are homophobic at all. She is also ending a 15 year marriage to her kids father, so it's not unthinkable that her parents were shocked to hear about her new relationship(s) and orientation.

Add in the religious aspect for extra awkwardness and its reasonable to me that they are not accepting the relationship with open arms. I'm perfectly fine with small steps toward acceptance. They have been nothing less than polite and engaging with me. I don't care if they are ever 100% ok with me. I'm ok with me and I love her no matter what.

My Love is much more eager. She pushes them a bit to talk about our relationship. She wants them to know that this isn't a fling or a phase. We're serious. Her efforts are met with mixed results. Those are her waters to navigate and my job is to support her any way I can.
 
Can I pipe in about the moving-in thing? I'm just apprehensive about her selling her house to move across the country, straight into your house, after less than a year of dating.

Since she's currently self-sufficient, it might ease the transition for her to move into an apartment near you guys, get used to seeing you more often, spending more and more nights at your place, until moving in won't be so drastic.

Especially with 7 kids involved, that's just a whole lot to deal with all at once. Moving across the country will be traumatic enough for her kids. They'll have to make new friends. Even if your kids will be friends with them, moving in will put pressure that may spoil the friendships before they begin. Never mind accepting two new authority figures.

After all, what's the rush? If this is as serious as it seems, taking it slow for the next year won't hurt anything.
 
The situation is a bit more urgent. I'm not comfortable sharing about her personal life but joining households as soon as we can is the best option for her and most importantly for her kids. It will likely take another year before she's able to tie up loose ends with her ex and the house.
 
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