Meeting your parters family.....

M

MHHIPDX

New member
Hello all,
I have been with my boyfriend coming up on a year ( I’m apart of a VEE) and he has talked a lot about me meeting his mother and father. He’s even discussed about the primary bf and I meeting them all together so they can see their is no weirdness between us. It makes me kind of nervous because I have never even met a guys parents when I was I dating in a monogamous type of relationship in my past. Has anyone had any experience with this and what wound be your advice for me going forward?
 
"Meeting the parents" can be a big step in any kind of relationship... What are you most nervous about? What would be the worst outcome, and how would it impact your relationship (if at all)?

Is your boyfriend out as poly to his parents?

If not, be prepared to become the symbol of poly to his parents. If they are open to the idea, they would more likely welcome you. If the concept of poly itself is off-putting, though, they might find it difficult to accept you as well.

My advice to you would be to - first - take time to identify how you feel about meeting his parents. Is it something you just don't want to do? Where are your fears coming from? Or is it just the newness... You're nervous but you are open to facing it?

Second - have a direct conversation with your boyfriend about this. You can say that talk of meeting his parents is making you nervous, and these are your concerns (if any).

Your boyfriend would have his own reasons for wanting to introduce you to his parents. Many people who are close to their parents want to share special things in life with them, including partners who make them happy. Or maybe he's been wanting to come out to them as poly for a while and he wants to do it this way. Or a mixture of those and/or other things.

Just because your boyfriend wants to do it, doesn't mean you have to.

If his parents don't know he's poly, then having a meeting including the other arm of your V could indeed show that you all are comfortable with each other (if you are!). But perhaps a better approach would be for your boyfriend to talk with his parents first. Tell them what's happening and ask them whether they'd like to meet you, and if so, whether they'd like to meet you just the two of you (your boyfriend and you) or with his other boyfriend too. Again, if that is within your comfort zone.
 
Hi MHHIPDX,

If you go forward with this idea of meeting your boyfriend's parents, your best bet would be to play a passive role as a rule of thumb. That is, present yourself, at least at first, as a rather quiet type, hear what they have to say before you say anything, if possible. It is okay to make small talk with them (talk about the weather and whatnot), and, if they have questions for you, answer their questions politely. If they ask an unreasonable question (e.g. they want details about your sex life), be polite but just say something like, "Well, that's personal."

I do tend to think that your boyfriend should out himself to his parents as poly, before involving you in a meetup. But if you are okay with it, and you both (all three) want to do it this way, you can combine the meetup with your boyfriend outing himself. Just realize that there might be some extra awkwardness if you do it that way.

Do whatever you can to help yourself be less nervous about this meetup. If you can give off a vibe of calm and comfortable, it is likely to also help set his parents at ease. But just do the best you can. Be yourself.

I am hopeful that this meetup will go well. Let us know.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
My boyfriend came to Thanksgiving at my house this year, and my parents attended. I let them know he was coming and so they had time to get used to the idea before they actually met him.

It was a little nervewracking for everyone I think, but it went okay.
 
When my bf met my parents, Hubby was also there. And little girl. I'd just given birth a week before (parents live across the country from me). Lol It was fine. My parents strongly disapprove of my relationship structure, but not their choice. They were cordial. Most focus was on the new tiny human which was actually kind of awesome. My parents could clearly see how much Boy cares about the family as a whole. We all had a safe topic of conversation. It went well enough.

My mom has since spent more time with Boy and even jokes with him over the phone when I talk to her and he's around. She still disapproves but again - not her choice so she behaves in a way that keeps her more involved in my life.
 
FallenAngelina said:
Wait, Thanksgiving is coming up in three weeks. ?
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That’s awesome! That you said that. I actually was talking to my boyfriends other and I said asked him what he thought about us all having thanksgiving together and he said yes! So I’m looking forward to it.
 
Sounds like an excellent get-together. :D
 
Vicki82 said:
My boyfriend came to Thanksgiving at my house this year, and my parents attended. I let them know he was coming and so they had time to get used to the idea before they actually met him.

It was a little nervewracking for everyone I think, but it went okay.
Click to expand...

MHHIPDX said:
That’s awesome! That you said that. I actually was talking to my boyfriends other and I said asked him what he thought about us all having thanksgiving together and he said yes! So I’m looking forward to it.
Click to expand...

Do you mean, you, your 2 partner's and one of one of your partners other bf too?

So, 4 poly partners all in one place with the parents of one of the partners who is not even aware of poly in general, or that their child is poly? Just trying to be clear.

That's a lot of poly people at once. All 4 of you (if it's 4, maybe it's 3) would have to be on the same page about poly, how you all do it, and be on on your best behavior also. I'm assuming you're all, or mostly, college age "kids." Maybe your partner is still being supported by their parents. Sometimes, if parents do not agree with polyamory, they threaten to pull out their financial support (if any).
 
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