Metamour relations

I dont think wanting to spend time with the people closest to you at the exclusion of others makes you a Queen Bee in any sense. I was being facetious by referring to myself that way just for not inviting all my metamours on frequent group activities. That's up to their partners to do.

Badger cannot cannot limit your time with Moose. Only Moose can choose to do that.

Got it 👍🏻
 
I think you should go back and read every post you've written in this thread. There is a lot of backtracking of information you originally shared.

I'm just putting what you're saying into perspective instead you deflecting your partner's choices onto your metamour.

I appreciate your perspective, thanks for your comments.
 
I'm trying to think of how I might be feeling (even in normal times) if my husband had a girlfriend. I could see myself posting a pic of just me and my partners on Facebook, because they're my partners and it's my Facebook. Why would all my posts need to include my metas? I would assume that it's up to my husband to invite his partner to whatever we're doing, not my place. I'm not the one in the relationship with her.

I don't know what Badger is thinking or why she is handling things the way she is, but if it was me? It would have nothing to do with my feelings for OP- it just wouldn't be a thing that I would consider is my business to post about, especially publicly.

So I'd be talking to Moose, not to Badger. Why isn't he passing those invitations to you? Why is it the expectation that you think your meta should invite you to everything?
 
You could try to look at the whole shebang from a different perspective--not that you are excluded from a kind of quad, but that Badger has her V, herself and her 2 partners. You are her friend, not another partner. She wants to have certain social events with her partners, but not necessarily include all her friends.

Everyone is allowed to invite only certain friends to their social events. One doesn't need to invite ALL one's friends and families to every event we plan. You might have one party for these eight people over here, and then have another party for a different eight people, but invite your SO(s) to both events.

I can see how it hurts, though. But being invited late, as an afterthought? I'd say I'd refuse those kinds of insincere invitations. They seem done out of obligation.

Maybe Badger is a party throwing kind of person, and also wants to project a certain image on social media. That's a complaint about social media, how we can project a persona that seems "perfect," but it isn't actually real. She might like being seen as a woman hot enough to have 2 lovers, but think that one of those lover's OSO being around tarnishes her brand, so to speak.
 
Hi Knickers,

I find it confusing, and for you it must be frustrating, that Badger is so welcoming toward you in meatspace, yet so unwelcoming toward you on social media. If I were in your shoes, it would probably make me wonder what my actual standing was with her. I think she should be more consistent, but, of course, you haven't any control over that. So, your best move, probably, is to block Badger on social media. It's a shame that you have to do that, but I think it's necessary for your own emotional well-being. Those are my latest thoughts anyway.

With regards,
Kevin T.
 
I'm trying to think of how I might be feeling (even in normal times) if my husband had a girlfriend. I could see myself posting a pic of just me and my partners on Facebook, because they're my partners and it's my Facebook. Why would all my posts need to include my metas? I would assume that it's up to my husband to invite his partner to whatever we're doing, not my place. I'm not the one in the relationship with her.

I don't know what Badger is thinking or why she is handling things the way she is, but if it was me? It would have nothing to do with my feelings for OP- it just wouldn't be a thing that I would consider is my business to post about, especially publicly.

So I'd be talking to Moose, not to Badger. Why isn't he passing those invitations to you? Why is it the expectation that you think your meta should invite you to everything?

Thanks for your comments.

Please let me clarify

Yes, I definitely don’t expect her to be posting all over social media about me etc. I don’t think I ever said anything about me taking issue with her posting pictures with her partners or anything like that. I’m talking about specific plans that she broadcasts on social media that I’m inevitably invited along to (by Moose and Hawk) where she tags many of our mutual friends and her partners but leaves me out of. It just irks me. Moose and Hawk both DO pass the invitations along to me. I do not expect her to invite me to everything and I never said that was my expectation. Of course, it would be kind of her to include me when she knows I’m going to be there and invited anyway but obviously this is not on her radar....

so, my work around for me having hurt feelings over it (which I believe I’m allowed) is to block seeing what she posts since that is what is causing me strife.
 
Hi Knickers,

I find it confusing, and for you it must be frustrating, that Badger is so welcoming toward you in meatspace, yet so unwelcoming toward you on social media. If I were in your shoes, it would probably make me wonder what my actual standing was with her. I think she should be more consistent, but, of course, you haven't any control over that. So, your best move, probably, is to block Badger on social media. It's a shame that you have to do that, but I think it's necessary for your own emotional well-being. Those are my latest thoughts anyway.

With regards,
Kevin T.

Yes, correct, it does make me feel insecure about where I stand with her. I agree with your recommendation and have already blocked her on social media. I didn’t want it to come to that but it’s I’m using up entirely too much emotional energy on it. Thanks Kevin :)
 
It's a shame you have to do that, but hopefully you will start feeling better. Hang in there!
 
so, my work around for me having hurt feelings over it (which I believe I’m allowed) is to block seeing what she posts since that is what is causing me strife.

Good for you. If you haven't done so already, then I suggest you block them. I have been in the same boat. I unfriended one meta, and deleted my friend request to another meta. By doing so, it has made my life less stressful.

Also, I feel you regarding the passing along of invites. My metas do the same to me through my spouse (it's more of 'Hey, your invited, and you can bring along your spouse if you want, versus you both are invited).

The metas have my phone number, and know they can contact me directly about invites. So why go through my spouse to invite me? It feels like a snub to me. My spouse has said they wouldn't invite me if they didn't want me there, but it feels as if they are inviting me out of courtesy to my spouse, rather than a true want. Fuck 'em, I have a flowerbed to tend.

I hope I read your responses correctly. If not, please feel free to clarify.
 
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