Monofeelinlovepoly
New member
Hello everyone,
I am in search of advice. I am dating a man who is polyamorous. I am very monogamous. It is still a new relationship, but I am trying to decide whether it has a chance of working before I risk his heart (and mine) too much.
He has a secondary partner (forgive me if I mess up terms) and a couple more casual relationships. I'm apparently the primary?. He says that means he wants to build a life with me (live together, kids).
I struggle with it, but am open to trying to make it work. I've heard of writing up a contract, and I like the idea of defined boundries. But I want to be reasonable - well I have to be. If you have suggestions for things to think about I would be grateful.
How do you have a discussion about rules when you don't know what will happen in the future? What if he meets someone and likes them more or wants to spend more time with them? How can I ensure both of our needs are met? How do I feel secure? I worry he won't have enough time for me.
Also, information sharing. He tells his secondary partner a lot of information and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I would prefer she knows nothing about me or our relationship but that may not be reasonable. He would really like us to be friends or at least on ok terms. I really struggle with that part. What in your opinion is reasonable? Any tips for how to make that work?
He is very open about it and really wants me to feel secure. I know it will take compromise on both sides.
Any advice?
I am in search of advice. I am dating a man who is polyamorous. I am very monogamous. It is still a new relationship, but I am trying to decide whether it has a chance of working before I risk his heart (and mine) too much.
He has a secondary partner (forgive me if I mess up terms) and a couple more casual relationships. I'm apparently the primary?. He says that means he wants to build a life with me (live together, kids).
I struggle with it, but am open to trying to make it work. I've heard of writing up a contract, and I like the idea of defined boundries. But I want to be reasonable - well I have to be. If you have suggestions for things to think about I would be grateful.
How do you have a discussion about rules when you don't know what will happen in the future? What if he meets someone and likes them more or wants to spend more time with them? How can I ensure both of our needs are met? How do I feel secure? I worry he won't have enough time for me.
Also, information sharing. He tells his secondary partner a lot of information and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I would prefer she knows nothing about me or our relationship but that may not be reasonable. He would really like us to be friends or at least on ok terms. I really struggle with that part. What in your opinion is reasonable? Any tips for how to make that work?
He is very open about it and really wants me to feel secure. I know it will take compromise on both sides.
Any advice?