More than friends?

L

LadyLove

New member
Long story but here are the cliffs notes.
I’m female and married in a hetero/monogamous relationship with T. I’m bi but have only ever been with men. T and I had been discussing opening up our marriage so I can explore my attraction to women for over 12 months.
I met G almost 10yrs ago and felt an instant attraction to her. At the time, I believed she was hetero and in a long term relationship. She was “off the market” in my mind and I was married. We developed a close friendship and I was an usher at her wedding. Fast forward to recently - she’s come out at gay, her marriage has broken down and she’s been leaning on me for support. We both got really (I mean REALLY) drunk and she admitted she’s attracted to me and I told her the feelings were mutual. We’ve since confirmed that it wasn’t just the alcohol talking and we would both like to try being more than friends. Our core friendship is so important to both of us and we don’t want to ruin that. At the same time, I can’t seem to get G off my mind or out of my dreams!

Is it possible for this to work? Can being intimate and/or romantic with a friend not end in disaster? Any advice moving forward?
 
LadyLove said:
Is it possible for this to work? Can being intimate and/or romantic with a friend not end in disaster? Any advice moving forward?
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Yes, sure. Lots of people date friends and end up attracted and "in love."

Disasater would mean that the romantic relationship doesn't work out, and you end up enemies.

If you're careful, you might be able to remain "just friends" if the romance ends. This isn't a polyamory situation. It's pretty common in monogamy too.

https://www.eharmony.com/dating-adv...-stay-friends-after-the-relationship-is-over/
 
It's kind of all in how the relationship shakes out. If you continue to treat each other with respect, even if there are hurt feelings at the end it's likely you will be able to move on and stay friends. Two of my ex partners are still very dear friends of mine.

Not all relationships have to end in, kill it with fire.
 
Hi LadyLove,

I cannot guarantee that you won't lose your friendship with G if you and she end up breaking up. However, I think your odds can be good if you approach it in the right way. Two things I would suggest are, first, take it slow. And second, communicate a lot with her. Keep each other posted on how you're feeling and where both of you are at WRT the relationship. Be vigilant and watch for the signs that might indicate the relationship is in trouble. Also, not to state the obvious, but keep posting on this forum, to let us know how things are going with G. This way we can give you up-to-the-minute feedback and advice, in the context of how things are actually going and the details. The fact that the two of you are close friends is a positive indicator, but don't rely on that fact by itself.

Such is the advice I would give you for now.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Two things I would suggest are, first, take it slow. And second, communicate a lot with her. Keep each other posted on how you're feeling and where both of you are at WRT the relationship.
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As a husband to a bisexual woman, who tried poly to allow her exploration, I'd like to also advise that you maintain the best communication with T that you can, too. Jealousy happens at some level for pretty much everyone, and as someone who fell into NRE extremely hard, sometimes that can get overlooked. My situation sounds different, since we attempted a triad and what you're attempting sounds more like a V, but just don't underestimate NRE and how it can affect T to see you that way about someone else. Taking it slow can be difficult. :eek:
 
@ morganc ... I like those first-date tips, thanks for posting.

@ LBeyond ... you're right, it's not just about how well she's relating to G, she needs to maintain her relationship with T too, especially when the dreaded NRE kicks in. I remember my first experience with poly, before I knew it, I was taking my wife for granted, and ended up regretting how I treated her. I'd like to think I'd do better in that area, if there was a next time.
 
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