perpetually.concerned
New member
I met a person on Fetlife back in April who had a picture of him in a doggy bitchsuit strapped into a segufix as his main picture. We connected and chatted about kink stuff in a way that didn't feel creepy at all (how is that possible amiright? love talking sex with kinky folx who can chat about it in a nerdy way). I'm actually super sensitive on this stuff, like really don't like being asked out at ALL if I don't initiate w/ kink forward people. But he and I just nerded out about kink for a long time!! I was being all like in my future I want to build a commune that has a far off in the woods sex house where I can do all this stuff! And he was like I have a dungeon. And I was like wtf amazing I've always said that's the first thing I would do if I happened to get rich. And he said, yeah that's what happened to me, I happened to rich and I bought a sex house. And I was like wtf did I just find my soul mate? Bc the sex house, not bc rich, and I'm feeling like eep weird oh no about the money thing lol.
I'm such a huge sex nerd. I love sex so much for the exploration it enables. I'm a really curious person and I find sex like the MOST fascinating thing. Mainly for the way it enables connection. I've had so many extremely emotionally deep one night stands in my life. Sometimes it's like really getting into each other's hopes and dreams, and sometimes it's as simple as being really silly together. With sex, you get past the bullshit so quickly. I love being intimate with people and letting my guard down. It feels so much simpler than stiffly talking to someone for hours and hours. I want a sex house because I want to explore it ALL. And have a space to share with other nerdy people. I want to be a mommy domme professionally and creatively, doing things like building a software company together where the payment is my domme services. Like every day basically I'm coming up with some weird future vision of incorporating kink into my every day life. I'm so weird y'all.
So me n him get real nerdy back and forth at each other, talking about our various kinks and stuff. I tell him there's this one BDSM scene in Nymphomaniacs I really liked and the next day he watches it . Like melt my heart, ok. We agree to meet up not that long after texting. He warns me that he's really introverted and can be really awkward with people. I'm like, amazing, same. We plan to walk around his neighborhood before going to the sex house. I show up and am just immediately so endeared by him and his small lanky body and bad posture and limited ability to make eye contact and his nervous energy. [I like, love awkward ppl. they make me feel so at home bc i think of myself as deeply awkward which has only made sense to me recently as I've come to realize i'm autistic] We have no problem diving right into conversation. We have a long conversation about the world. No idea how we started. I think I asked him about his company or something and he said it was XXX and I was like is that a reference to XXXX book and then we got talking about books. We talk about that book which involves aliens and like the future of humanity. I bring up Oryx and Crake and the Three Body Problem. We talk about what the future is and dystopian concepts. I go on a riff about how maybe the end of the world happens because some disgruntled grad student releases a plastic eating bacteria into the ocean and resultantly all infrastructure is destroyed. Then i'm onto aliens and simulation theory bc I'd recently listened to this 6 hour long podcast my friend had posted about it. He said he thinks of reality as a simulation because what are the odds of being born at such a critical time in the world, and he believes it's a challenge to make things better. I think this is basically the most beautiful framework of understanding all of the problems of the world currently that I've ever heard. I throw out does he believe in astrology bc I think it's stupid when people believe in simulation theory but not astrology bc why wouldn't you, if it was a program and you were the software engineer, introduce an interesting element where literally all of life was predictable in something as arbitrary as the stars if not only for shits and giggles to watch the tension between queer people and rich white tech bros and be like LOL BUT THE QUEERDOS HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS and see how long it takes to have cross polination of ideas. I would totes watch that drama.
We continue talking about many, many things in the world that are challenges as if it's very important to us to understand.
[[ This is something i have literally always done with partners and have mostly felt I was just talking at them with. My first boyfriend and I talked in similar ways, but he was not an optimist. The last person I told I loved, I could do it with too to some extent. He was an optimist, but he was more of a listener. Other than that, most people I dated either found me interesting or would act like I was just being anxious and it would turn into rabbit holes about me being depressed about the climate crisis and them saying well why don't you do something about it if you care so much. This man was the first person to ever be both optimistic and interested in spending a lot of time thinking about what the world could be. And the conversations on that first date and for our entire relationship continue this way. Almost always talking about the world on a broad ideas level, testing mental theories, and always with so much lightness that made space for the darkness. Like LOL what are all the amazing possibilities of the future!!! -->> anxious spiral about potential negative consequences of that thing -->> counter point that is optimistic! and on and on. ]]
I'm on some point I'm really trying to finish flushing out, and we've arrived at the house. He asks if I'm ready to go in, and I'm like-- let's do one more block, I need to finish this thought or I'm going to be distracted. So we do! AND THEN I GOT TO SEE THE BONDAGE HOUSE.
My idea for what it would be was like super fancy and shit. But really it was this hilariously out of place house in an expensive part of town. Like clearly was the oldest house on the block that was due to be torn down. It didn't even have a paved walkway to the door. It was amazing. Inside it was not fancy at all either lol. And he had covered the entire floor in tempurpedic foam with soft blankets on top. We walk in and he gives me a little tour, showing me all his toys and his Segufix. He asks if I want to try things, and I'm like 'sure!' and *immediately* I strip naked and he puts me in the dog bitch suit outfit bc I'm wild. He has me walk around in it and tells me to bark and I'm bad at that park so I don't really. He takes me out of that one and then I think puts me in this metal shackel apparatus that has my writs up by my face and my knees bent and together. In both of these, he's putting me in while we're just talking about whatever, has me try it out a bit, then just keeps talking maybe with us cozyed up. Holding me in bondage talking about the world and money. He told me as soon as he got rich, he became a part of the "hated class" and that's been frustrating. I have another date planned after and am worried about the time- I check and it's like 30 min after my date time. I make moves like i'm leaving, and he stops me and asks before I go if I think he's autistic. I say I don't know enough about autism to say! I get on my phone and I apologize profusely to the couple and say I never do that type of thing but was literally tied up and not paying attention to the time and decide I can't make it. My date says 'yay! more time!'.
I try out the Segufix. We talk about polyamory, and he admits to me that he's not sure if he and his wife are doing open or poly but he thinks he wants poly and I tell him about some of the different types. He tells me he initiated it and they tested things out by him sleeping with a sex worker which was like two weeks prior, and it went well. And I'm like damn this is really shitty. Probably could have seen it coming that this was not someone poly established bc the bio said nothing about poly, but I didn't think I was gonna like, immediately fall in love with him??? (NRE! I know!) He tells me this is his FIRST DATE where he's moved to this point. Had gone on like two other dates where they hadn't clicked. I'm already thinking about it like, well this is tough. Probably would be easier to start off dating someone that isn't your literal soul mate. This is gonna be a tough journey for us!
I never feel this way on dates btw. Sometimes I really, really like people, but never before had I felt SO aligned with someone intellectually.
I'm such a huge sex nerd. I love sex so much for the exploration it enables. I'm a really curious person and I find sex like the MOST fascinating thing. Mainly for the way it enables connection. I've had so many extremely emotionally deep one night stands in my life. Sometimes it's like really getting into each other's hopes and dreams, and sometimes it's as simple as being really silly together. With sex, you get past the bullshit so quickly. I love being intimate with people and letting my guard down. It feels so much simpler than stiffly talking to someone for hours and hours. I want a sex house because I want to explore it ALL. And have a space to share with other nerdy people. I want to be a mommy domme professionally and creatively, doing things like building a software company together where the payment is my domme services. Like every day basically I'm coming up with some weird future vision of incorporating kink into my every day life. I'm so weird y'all.
So me n him get real nerdy back and forth at each other, talking about our various kinks and stuff. I tell him there's this one BDSM scene in Nymphomaniacs I really liked and the next day he watches it . Like melt my heart, ok. We agree to meet up not that long after texting. He warns me that he's really introverted and can be really awkward with people. I'm like, amazing, same. We plan to walk around his neighborhood before going to the sex house. I show up and am just immediately so endeared by him and his small lanky body and bad posture and limited ability to make eye contact and his nervous energy. [I like, love awkward ppl. they make me feel so at home bc i think of myself as deeply awkward which has only made sense to me recently as I've come to realize i'm autistic] We have no problem diving right into conversation. We have a long conversation about the world. No idea how we started. I think I asked him about his company or something and he said it was XXX and I was like is that a reference to XXXX book and then we got talking about books. We talk about that book which involves aliens and like the future of humanity. I bring up Oryx and Crake and the Three Body Problem. We talk about what the future is and dystopian concepts. I go on a riff about how maybe the end of the world happens because some disgruntled grad student releases a plastic eating bacteria into the ocean and resultantly all infrastructure is destroyed. Then i'm onto aliens and simulation theory bc I'd recently listened to this 6 hour long podcast my friend had posted about it. He said he thinks of reality as a simulation because what are the odds of being born at such a critical time in the world, and he believes it's a challenge to make things better. I think this is basically the most beautiful framework of understanding all of the problems of the world currently that I've ever heard. I throw out does he believe in astrology bc I think it's stupid when people believe in simulation theory but not astrology bc why wouldn't you, if it was a program and you were the software engineer, introduce an interesting element where literally all of life was predictable in something as arbitrary as the stars if not only for shits and giggles to watch the tension between queer people and rich white tech bros and be like LOL BUT THE QUEERDOS HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS and see how long it takes to have cross polination of ideas. I would totes watch that drama.
We continue talking about many, many things in the world that are challenges as if it's very important to us to understand.
[[ This is something i have literally always done with partners and have mostly felt I was just talking at them with. My first boyfriend and I talked in similar ways, but he was not an optimist. The last person I told I loved, I could do it with too to some extent. He was an optimist, but he was more of a listener. Other than that, most people I dated either found me interesting or would act like I was just being anxious and it would turn into rabbit holes about me being depressed about the climate crisis and them saying well why don't you do something about it if you care so much. This man was the first person to ever be both optimistic and interested in spending a lot of time thinking about what the world could be. And the conversations on that first date and for our entire relationship continue this way. Almost always talking about the world on a broad ideas level, testing mental theories, and always with so much lightness that made space for the darkness. Like LOL what are all the amazing possibilities of the future!!! -->> anxious spiral about potential negative consequences of that thing -->> counter point that is optimistic! and on and on. ]]
I'm on some point I'm really trying to finish flushing out, and we've arrived at the house. He asks if I'm ready to go in, and I'm like-- let's do one more block, I need to finish this thought or I'm going to be distracted. So we do! AND THEN I GOT TO SEE THE BONDAGE HOUSE.
My idea for what it would be was like super fancy and shit. But really it was this hilariously out of place house in an expensive part of town. Like clearly was the oldest house on the block that was due to be torn down. It didn't even have a paved walkway to the door. It was amazing. Inside it was not fancy at all either lol. And he had covered the entire floor in tempurpedic foam with soft blankets on top. We walk in and he gives me a little tour, showing me all his toys and his Segufix. He asks if I want to try things, and I'm like 'sure!' and *immediately* I strip naked and he puts me in the dog bitch suit outfit bc I'm wild. He has me walk around in it and tells me to bark and I'm bad at that park so I don't really. He takes me out of that one and then I think puts me in this metal shackel apparatus that has my writs up by my face and my knees bent and together. In both of these, he's putting me in while we're just talking about whatever, has me try it out a bit, then just keeps talking maybe with us cozyed up. Holding me in bondage talking about the world and money. He told me as soon as he got rich, he became a part of the "hated class" and that's been frustrating. I have another date planned after and am worried about the time- I check and it's like 30 min after my date time. I make moves like i'm leaving, and he stops me and asks before I go if I think he's autistic. I say I don't know enough about autism to say! I get on my phone and I apologize profusely to the couple and say I never do that type of thing but was literally tied up and not paying attention to the time and decide I can't make it. My date says 'yay! more time!'.
I try out the Segufix. We talk about polyamory, and he admits to me that he's not sure if he and his wife are doing open or poly but he thinks he wants poly and I tell him about some of the different types. He tells me he initiated it and they tested things out by him sleeping with a sex worker which was like two weeks prior, and it went well. And I'm like damn this is really shitty. Probably could have seen it coming that this was not someone poly established bc the bio said nothing about poly, but I didn't think I was gonna like, immediately fall in love with him??? (NRE! I know!) He tells me this is his FIRST DATE where he's moved to this point. Had gone on like two other dates where they hadn't clicked. I'm already thinking about it like, well this is tough. Probably would be easier to start off dating someone that isn't your literal soul mate. This is gonna be a tough journey for us!
I never feel this way on dates btw. Sometimes I really, really like people, but never before had I felt SO aligned with someone intellectually.
But mostly I'm a mommy and a little 
Every time we spent time together at his place, we'd immediately get in cute pink fuzzy bear onesies and cuddle. Every time he got hard he would make this silly naughty face and pointedly look at his dick. It always made me giggly. I had never had sex feel so wholesome. Often I would hold him and stroke his head and he would suck on my breasts in a very caregiver/little way. I felt very caretaking too in putting him in bondage and getting him off. The last time we saw each other, I had him in a sleepersack and he wanted me to be kissing him the whole time which was more intimate than normal.