My boyfriend wants a triad, but......
- Thread starter UnicornLove
- Start date
It sounds like this couple is new to polyamory. Like so many (if not most) newbies, they get the idea they will try poly by "finding a girl to share." They imagine this will prevent jealousy and protect their primary relationship.
And you are their Unicorn. Unfortunately, like most Unicorns, you fell more for the husband than the wife. And any threeway sex you may have had did not prevent jealousy at all.
So now, a year later, no one is talking much about the elephant in the room. You are interested sexually and emotionally in the husband. You and the wife do not much care for each other even as friends, much less as sex/love partners.
The husband is still clinging to the idea that you three are a functioning triad. You three attempt to share a bed, but you 2 women fight over the guy like a too small blanket.
Reassess. Talk. It's obvious to us here this isn't a functioning triad. You can bring that up! Make sure they both know of your new awareness that you can't all continue in this limbo.
If you'd like one on one time with your bf, say, at your place, not his wife's home, say so. Then it's on them to decide if they are able to do that. Maybe the wife would go mad with jealousy to have her h go spend an overnight at your place, or a weekend, or a vacation. Maybe he would be wracked with guilt to do so. That's their problem. Step back and let them solve their problem around their fantasy of poly (a triad with a Unicorn), and the reality (their Unicorn is not a "good girl" that "knows her place" as both their secondaries, but is an autonomous human being with desires and rights of her own).
Read this, about the rights of secondaries:
https://www.morethantwo.com/polyforsecondaries.html
And you are their Unicorn. Unfortunately, like most Unicorns, you fell more for the husband than the wife. And any threeway sex you may have had did not prevent jealousy at all.
So now, a year later, no one is talking much about the elephant in the room. You are interested sexually and emotionally in the husband. You and the wife do not much care for each other even as friends, much less as sex/love partners.
The husband is still clinging to the idea that you three are a functioning triad. You three attempt to share a bed, but you 2 women fight over the guy like a too small blanket.
Reassess. Talk. It's obvious to us here this isn't a functioning triad. You can bring that up! Make sure they both know of your new awareness that you can't all continue in this limbo.
If you'd like one on one time with your bf, say, at your place, not his wife's home, say so. Then it's on them to decide if they are able to do that. Maybe the wife would go mad with jealousy to have her h go spend an overnight at your place, or a weekend, or a vacation. Maybe he would be wracked with guilt to do so. That's their problem. Step back and let them solve their problem around their fantasy of poly (a triad with a Unicorn), and the reality (their Unicorn is not a "good girl" that "knows her place" as both their secondaries, but is an autonomous human being with desires and rights of her own).
Read this, about the rights of secondaries:
https://www.morethantwo.com/polyforsecondaries.html