GSAS082612
New member
So, as I have written in here previously, I have stated I am in a polyfidelitous triad with a female, Samantha, 21, married to my male partner, with a 2-year old daughter; she has a son on the way, is 30 weeks pregnant, due March 22, 2013; and a male, Glenn, 34, divorced from his ex of 9 years; shares 4 kids with his ex, ages 4-12.
I am 18 years old, not married, no kids. I should include my past history to further explain my relationship to a decent level of understanding.
Sam and I met when I was 14 and still in my freshman year of high school. She was in her senior year. She and I have had a very off-on friendship during the course of the past 3 years. I have always liked her, loved her. Sam got involved with Glenn a few months before she graduated, moved in with him, got pregnant and had their daughter Jocelynn a little before being together a year.
At that point, Glenn’s divorce papers with his wife were in the final stages, and they were engaged, prepping to wed. Their affairs, I know very little about. Glenn had made the mistake of sleeping with his ex-wife within the allotted year they were together at that point. After Sam had found out, which was on Father’s Day, the first one with the newborn daughter they shared, the light in Sam’s eyes dimmed. The love was tainted. She "forgave" him without meaning it, and moved on to resent him for what he did.
Their love was trashed. Sam did not seek revenge on Glenn at all within the pre-planning stages of their marriage. And she married Glenn 4 months after finding out about his cheating. The anger continued to build within her. She felt the need to get even. After being married less than 4 months, on Valentine’s Day this past year, Sam cheated on Glenn with a co-worker of theirs, and did not tell him of her infidelity at all. But she didn’t feel that did it justice. She cheated on Glenn again with her ex-boyfriend, Ricky, and continued to pursue a relationship with him, despite being married. She held hands with Ricky, they kissed, and planned a future together, despite the man she had at home.
Glenn found out and it essentially killed him. He never knew the woman he loved could mutilate his heart like that.
Now on to me. Sam and I were on very rocky terms before, and for a while after she got married, up until January of 2012. We started talking again after I went to help her pack for the new place she and Glenn were moving to.
Well, before all of this happened, I got involved with a man with a tricky past, Derek. He was 18 at the time with a 1 year old son, Christopher. 5 days after getting together with Derek, I made the mistake of cheating on him with my best guy friend, Nathan. This was planned. I knew exactly the cost of what would happen. We weren’t protected for half of the sex, and he then went to use protection.
Also, Sam and I essentially made out together in the apartment, on Valentine’s Day (yes, the day she cheated on Glenn with her co-worker, Tim). This apartment was still in Sam’s name for the rest of February. Things were very iffy between all of us. I was still involved with Derek too.
About 3 weeks after Derek and I had sex, I found out I was pregnant. I was 8 weeks along.
I wasn’t pregnant with Derek’s baby, but Nathan’s. I told Derek I was pregnant in early April, and said that I’d known for about a month. I was then 12 weeks pregnant. I was determined to keep the baby but tried to hide it from Derek, fearing he would leave me alone to raise the child. I was selfish and didn’t want that especially because the actual father, Nathan, A) didn’t know and B) was going into the Air Force.
I didn’t want to put that on Nathan. I didn’t think it would be a good idea at all to distract him like that. We talked and wrote letters while he was gone. I wrote a dozen letters telling him about the baby, about it being his, and apologizing, but I never could send them. I didn’t expect him to want to be there, nor did I think he would be involved.
I was dead set on the baby having Derek’s last name, Derek being Daddy, the end. But I slipped it to Sam when Derek was around that the baby’s father wouldn’t be around, which confused him. In June, I confessed it was Nathan’s. He knew Nathan and I had had sex, so it wasn’t news to him, but it then made sense to him. He'd never calculated the weeks really, up until then. He'd had his suspicions, but never admitted it.
In late June/early July, Derek and I were on the rocks and were given no choice but to tell Nathan. I told Nathan and he flipped. He lost his mind. He frankly didn’t want to believe it, not that I blame him.
I had at that point found out I was having a girl. I wanted to name her Scarlet Chelsea. 3 weeks later, I suffered a miscarriage.
That resulted in me moving in with Sam and Glenn. Derek and I were in the worst part of our relationship. He was physically, mentally and verbally abusive and controlling.
My feelings for Sam were never rushed or forced, but with how Derek was, he made it impossible to not want to have Sam. Although I never intended to cheat on Derek, I did, for them. There was a threesome that led to something else. And the next day they asked me to “marry" them. I was pretty much like “okay.” I mean, I wanted it, but didn’t trust it would last, especially because I didn’t have any feelings for Glenn besides that he was sexy and good in bed.
My love for Sam grew, and it has since. But she got jealous when she realized our love for one another was developing quicker than before. It wasn’t until a month after we had been in the poly-fi relationship, I had officially broken up with Derek, and made it clear that I wanted to stay with them, that Glenn told me he loved me. And I do. Being girls, it is a natural thing to have our emotions toy with us and get a very jealous, envious emotion when the man they love is with another woman without them.
My love for Sam was strained because she is pregnant, and she started showing more, which was hard to deal with, because I did love my daughter and wanted her. It wasn’t until late October that Glenn realized what the deep-rooted problem was. I just couldn’t take it. It felt like I was pushing myself. Sometimes I tried, but it was too much. I couldn’t handle it at points. It brought me to tears.
When I lost Scarlet, I didn’t know how to deal. I didn’t know how to talk about it. So, I turned to a recovering website, my major issues were hidden by small drinking binges, lashing out and cutting. And I am just barely starting to cope, which was why Glenn and I did agree to try for a baby.
I am not pregnant. We have stopped trying with the new issue. I just now have a new issue. The way I lost Scarlet is how I feel I could lose Glenn and Sam. With Sam’s mistake, it kills me to know our love could be at its end because of a mistake pre-me. We all had a talk last night and have tried to see what we can do. Glenn has said that he doesn’t want me to hurt, or be hurt, because he loves me. He is a very selfish man when it comes to us, but he isn’t selfish, if that makes sense. I don’t know. He loves and wants what is best for me but doesn’t want to lose me. And he knows that if he decides to stay this time, Sam and Glenn will need to work, will be skewed compared to my time with Glenn or Sam. We will need that individual time and couple time and triad time to grow, but with Glenn and Sam trying to work at their relationship to fix what they have will interrupt a lot of things and make it nearly impossible.
At this point, Glenn isn’t sure if he is staying or leaving. I told him I would stick by him. He wasn’t so sure of that, up until I texted him yesterday a heartfelt message: “Remember at one point, I was telling you everything you're telling me now-- "I’m sorry I'm such a mess," "I can't think," "I’m sorry you're getting the bad end of my emotions," "I don’t know how bad I’m going to be," "I don’t know if you can handle it," "You could change your mind, after all, you see," "This isn’t what you bargained for," "You deserve better" and you always said the one thing I didn’t trust, but now I do: "I love you." It’s my turn. No matter how badly you push me off, I will stand tall and be there for you. I’ll have my moments, like you did, but I know I’ll only rise up stronger, because you have shown me I am. And I can be that person for you. I’ll help you stand when you can't. I love you.”
I want to be there for them both, because they were there for me during the hardest parts of my life, Glenn especially, because he took more of the beatings of me and my problems, despite him not having to. I am not perfect, nor are they. But they did stand by me.
I don’t know. I am such a mess. I love them. I want to be with them. I am scared I am losing the loves of my life. I say I can be here. I want to. I want them to work, but I am nowhere near as strong as I pretend to be. I say I will be okay without them, but I am not so sure I will be.
I am scared. Do I voice how I feel or let them think I am strong? If they leave, what do I do then? I am not here just because I have nowhere else to go. I don’t have a backup plan. I am here because I intended for this to work and hope it will. But I am scared.
At this point, any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
I am 18 years old, not married, no kids. I should include my past history to further explain my relationship to a decent level of understanding.
Sam and I met when I was 14 and still in my freshman year of high school. She was in her senior year. She and I have had a very off-on friendship during the course of the past 3 years. I have always liked her, loved her. Sam got involved with Glenn a few months before she graduated, moved in with him, got pregnant and had their daughter Jocelynn a little before being together a year.
At that point, Glenn’s divorce papers with his wife were in the final stages, and they were engaged, prepping to wed. Their affairs, I know very little about. Glenn had made the mistake of sleeping with his ex-wife within the allotted year they were together at that point. After Sam had found out, which was on Father’s Day, the first one with the newborn daughter they shared, the light in Sam’s eyes dimmed. The love was tainted. She "forgave" him without meaning it, and moved on to resent him for what he did.
Their love was trashed. Sam did not seek revenge on Glenn at all within the pre-planning stages of their marriage. And she married Glenn 4 months after finding out about his cheating. The anger continued to build within her. She felt the need to get even. After being married less than 4 months, on Valentine’s Day this past year, Sam cheated on Glenn with a co-worker of theirs, and did not tell him of her infidelity at all. But she didn’t feel that did it justice. She cheated on Glenn again with her ex-boyfriend, Ricky, and continued to pursue a relationship with him, despite being married. She held hands with Ricky, they kissed, and planned a future together, despite the man she had at home.
Glenn found out and it essentially killed him. He never knew the woman he loved could mutilate his heart like that.
Now on to me. Sam and I were on very rocky terms before, and for a while after she got married, up until January of 2012. We started talking again after I went to help her pack for the new place she and Glenn were moving to.
Well, before all of this happened, I got involved with a man with a tricky past, Derek. He was 18 at the time with a 1 year old son, Christopher. 5 days after getting together with Derek, I made the mistake of cheating on him with my best guy friend, Nathan. This was planned. I knew exactly the cost of what would happen. We weren’t protected for half of the sex, and he then went to use protection.
Also, Sam and I essentially made out together in the apartment, on Valentine’s Day (yes, the day she cheated on Glenn with her co-worker, Tim). This apartment was still in Sam’s name for the rest of February. Things were very iffy between all of us. I was still involved with Derek too.
About 3 weeks after Derek and I had sex, I found out I was pregnant. I was 8 weeks along.
I wasn’t pregnant with Derek’s baby, but Nathan’s. I told Derek I was pregnant in early April, and said that I’d known for about a month. I was then 12 weeks pregnant. I was determined to keep the baby but tried to hide it from Derek, fearing he would leave me alone to raise the child. I was selfish and didn’t want that especially because the actual father, Nathan, A) didn’t know and B) was going into the Air Force.
I didn’t want to put that on Nathan. I didn’t think it would be a good idea at all to distract him like that. We talked and wrote letters while he was gone. I wrote a dozen letters telling him about the baby, about it being his, and apologizing, but I never could send them. I didn’t expect him to want to be there, nor did I think he would be involved.
I was dead set on the baby having Derek’s last name, Derek being Daddy, the end. But I slipped it to Sam when Derek was around that the baby’s father wouldn’t be around, which confused him. In June, I confessed it was Nathan’s. He knew Nathan and I had had sex, so it wasn’t news to him, but it then made sense to him. He'd never calculated the weeks really, up until then. He'd had his suspicions, but never admitted it.
In late June/early July, Derek and I were on the rocks and were given no choice but to tell Nathan. I told Nathan and he flipped. He lost his mind. He frankly didn’t want to believe it, not that I blame him.
I had at that point found out I was having a girl. I wanted to name her Scarlet Chelsea. 3 weeks later, I suffered a miscarriage.
That resulted in me moving in with Sam and Glenn. Derek and I were in the worst part of our relationship. He was physically, mentally and verbally abusive and controlling.
My feelings for Sam were never rushed or forced, but with how Derek was, he made it impossible to not want to have Sam. Although I never intended to cheat on Derek, I did, for them. There was a threesome that led to something else. And the next day they asked me to “marry" them. I was pretty much like “okay.” I mean, I wanted it, but didn’t trust it would last, especially because I didn’t have any feelings for Glenn besides that he was sexy and good in bed.
My love for Sam grew, and it has since. But she got jealous when she realized our love for one another was developing quicker than before. It wasn’t until a month after we had been in the poly-fi relationship, I had officially broken up with Derek, and made it clear that I wanted to stay with them, that Glenn told me he loved me. And I do. Being girls, it is a natural thing to have our emotions toy with us and get a very jealous, envious emotion when the man they love is with another woman without them.
My love for Sam was strained because she is pregnant, and she started showing more, which was hard to deal with, because I did love my daughter and wanted her. It wasn’t until late October that Glenn realized what the deep-rooted problem was. I just couldn’t take it. It felt like I was pushing myself. Sometimes I tried, but it was too much. I couldn’t handle it at points. It brought me to tears.
When I lost Scarlet, I didn’t know how to deal. I didn’t know how to talk about it. So, I turned to a recovering website, my major issues were hidden by small drinking binges, lashing out and cutting. And I am just barely starting to cope, which was why Glenn and I did agree to try for a baby.
I am not pregnant. We have stopped trying with the new issue. I just now have a new issue. The way I lost Scarlet is how I feel I could lose Glenn and Sam. With Sam’s mistake, it kills me to know our love could be at its end because of a mistake pre-me. We all had a talk last night and have tried to see what we can do. Glenn has said that he doesn’t want me to hurt, or be hurt, because he loves me. He is a very selfish man when it comes to us, but he isn’t selfish, if that makes sense. I don’t know. He loves and wants what is best for me but doesn’t want to lose me. And he knows that if he decides to stay this time, Sam and Glenn will need to work, will be skewed compared to my time with Glenn or Sam. We will need that individual time and couple time and triad time to grow, but with Glenn and Sam trying to work at their relationship to fix what they have will interrupt a lot of things and make it nearly impossible.
At this point, Glenn isn’t sure if he is staying or leaving. I told him I would stick by him. He wasn’t so sure of that, up until I texted him yesterday a heartfelt message: “Remember at one point, I was telling you everything you're telling me now-- "I’m sorry I'm such a mess," "I can't think," "I’m sorry you're getting the bad end of my emotions," "I don’t know how bad I’m going to be," "I don’t know if you can handle it," "You could change your mind, after all, you see," "This isn’t what you bargained for," "You deserve better" and you always said the one thing I didn’t trust, but now I do: "I love you." It’s my turn. No matter how badly you push me off, I will stand tall and be there for you. I’ll have my moments, like you did, but I know I’ll only rise up stronger, because you have shown me I am. And I can be that person for you. I’ll help you stand when you can't. I love you.”
I want to be there for them both, because they were there for me during the hardest parts of my life, Glenn especially, because he took more of the beatings of me and my problems, despite him not having to. I am not perfect, nor are they. But they did stand by me.
I don’t know. I am such a mess. I love them. I want to be with them. I am scared I am losing the loves of my life. I say I can be here. I want to. I want them to work, but I am nowhere near as strong as I pretend to be. I say I will be okay without them, but I am not so sure I will be.
I am scared. Do I voice how I feel or let them think I am strong? If they leave, what do I do then? I am not here just because I have nowhere else to go. I don’t have a backup plan. I am here because I intended for this to work and hope it will. But I am scared.
At this point, any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
