My new Ai-jin
- Thread starter ramfish
- Start date
ramfish
New member
J- came over yesterday after work, which meant he came over at 6am. =p He slept here as best as he could (our cats refused to let us sleep). I thought we had a pretty good day, though it did seem a little short because he had to leave by 5 and we slept until 11. I was unreasonably crabby at the end of the day because I knew he had to leave and I didn't want him to go.
He started lecturing me saying 'you've been acting all depressed for the last hour or so and I won't let you now stop it.' >.> When HP came home he and J- both made fun of me for my pouty behavior. It admit, it was pretty childish; and toward the end there I think I was more mad at myself for being pouty he had to go than at him for having to go. (I hope that makes sense...)
J- has a completely different take on things than HP, which HP and I talked about yesterday. This all sounds really terrible when I say it out loud, but I would like to reflect on it. Hopefully it doesn't make me or HP sound too bad. Basically HP lets me get away with a lot. By get away with I mean he really isn't very good at telling me no, which I've gotten used to over the years. It's bad, and kinda both of our faults. I blame myself for not having the discipline to not tell myself no...
By 'no' I mean for mostly little things. Like...I want to go out to dinner, and HP says no we can't or no I don't want to...but it doesn't last very long and soon he's finding a way to say yes. It's kinda hard to explain really...since it's so ingrained into our relationship that I hardly notice when it's happening, but I know that it does. The dichotomy is apparent, however, when I run into situations like that with J- and he puts his foot down and tells me no. It almost makes me do a double take. Like...wait...what? I don't get what I want? This never happens.
And as much as I pout, or cry, or feel hurt when he does it...I know something else. It's really good for me. I need something like this, so even if I fight it, I'm glad J- is that way with me.
He started lecturing me saying 'you've been acting all depressed for the last hour or so and I won't let you now stop it.' >.> When HP came home he and J- both made fun of me for my pouty behavior. It admit, it was pretty childish; and toward the end there I think I was more mad at myself for being pouty he had to go than at him for having to go. (I hope that makes sense...)
J- has a completely different take on things than HP, which HP and I talked about yesterday. This all sounds really terrible when I say it out loud, but I would like to reflect on it. Hopefully it doesn't make me or HP sound too bad. Basically HP lets me get away with a lot. By get away with I mean he really isn't very good at telling me no, which I've gotten used to over the years. It's bad, and kinda both of our faults. I blame myself for not having the discipline to not tell myself no...
By 'no' I mean for mostly little things. Like...I want to go out to dinner, and HP says no we can't or no I don't want to...but it doesn't last very long and soon he's finding a way to say yes. It's kinda hard to explain really...since it's so ingrained into our relationship that I hardly notice when it's happening, but I know that it does. The dichotomy is apparent, however, when I run into situations like that with J- and he puts his foot down and tells me no. It almost makes me do a double take. Like...wait...what? I don't get what I want? This never happens.
And as much as I pout, or cry, or feel hurt when he does it...I know something else. It's really good for me. I need something like this, so even if I fight it, I'm glad J- is that way with me.
HPLoveshaft
New member
Hey. I'm a write some stuff here on Sunday. Meanwhile, work.
EDIT: Didn't get home until late Sunday, had a double date with my secondary and the wife and her J-Kun, it was a total blast. Have to go to bed early tonight so I'm not exhausted again tomorrow, I get up at 4a to be to work at 6a. Will try to write something more before Christmas, no promises.
Finally have some time to sit down and write. Basically a few weekends ago Ram and I went on a double-date with our respective secondaries. It was totally awesome. We went to see Avatar in 3D and then went to dinner and then hot tubbing. It was really cool, I hope we get a chance to do it again sometime. I probably had more I wanted to write originally but as I write this after a New Years party and hours of driving I'm not firing on all cylinders.
Peace.
lipsnlace
New member
You could probably start your own blog if you want to share your story with us, too.
ramfish
New member
*sigh* It's been two weeks since I've really seen J- ... it's kinda sucked. My personal issues with insecurity have had me worried about feeling detached. This always happens when I don't people I really care about very much. I get very apprehensive, especially with people I don't know really well. Course it hits me really hard when it comes to him, but I do end up feeling the same way about other people I've met only recently. When I haven't seen them in a while I start to wonder if the relationship is the way I really think it is. I wonder if my friends really like me or if they're just putting up with me. Like maybe they're too nice to just tell me to fuck off. >.>
It's something I deal with every day, some days more than others. It becomes especially a problem with I'm stressed out, and I'm defiantly stressing out recently. The semester just started so I'm busy getting started with classes and getting ready to study abroad, get scholarships, looking for a new job... Also the husband lost his job >.> I was kinda trying to go with the flow today...but it finally hit me and I broke down for a little while.
Ah the joys of stress and depression.
It's something I deal with every day, some days more than others. It becomes especially a problem with I'm stressed out, and I'm defiantly stressing out recently. The semester just started so I'm busy getting started with classes and getting ready to study abroad, get scholarships, looking for a new job... Also the husband lost his job >.> I was kinda trying to go with the flow today...but it finally hit me and I broke down for a little while.
Ah the joys of stress and depression.