My partners making love with others - my feelings.


Hi all!

One of the most inspiring - and shocking - things in polyamory for me.
When I watched my partners having sex with their other partners (both men and women) - surprisingly to me (the first time) - I felt HAPPY. After dozens more times, I've felt: I wasn't happy FOR them - I was happy WITH them. Like, I was involved in their excellent feeling here and now.

Did you feel the same? Or what do you feel or think about it?


Staff member
I have seldom seen any of my lovers, current or former, having sex with someone other than myself. My desire for group sex is pretty minimal. I'm not much of a voyeur or exhibitionist. I get plenty of intense pleasure from one-on-one sex and kink activities.

It sounds like you have a kink for group sex, getting off on watching others have sex. If it didn't make you happy, you wouldn't be doing it, right?

However, not even watching your lover have sex with another, but feeling happy for them knowing that is going on, is called compersion in the poly community.

There are degrees of happiness, from a calm acceptance to being fully turned on. You can even feel tortured and jealous and turned on at the same time!


Active member
A lot of people seem to feel the same way as you at the sight or thought of their partners having sex with others. As an asexual, I don't think I feel "happy with them", but definitely happy for them, especially my husband. I'm fine with having sex myself, but will never be able to provide a fulfilling sexual experience to a partner, so I'm happy when he could have mutually desired sex with someone else.

With my demisexual partner though, I didn't particularly care when he had sex with someone else. Sex is never a component in our relationship.
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Official Greeter
Staff member
I've never seen my partner making love with her other partner, so how I'd react (emotionally) is a matter of conjecture. To the best of my knowledge, it wouldn't bother me as long as my own needs were getting met. It might embarrass me, but that's not the end of the world. My partner sometimes talks to me about her sex life with her other partner, and that doesn't bother me. I'm happy if they're happy.