My partner's other partner

Nay

New member
Hello,

My boyfriend is polyamorous. I told him that I am okay with that as long as we are all together and happy. We just got back with an old girlfriend who is way older than us, like 44. She wants to have his baby and so do I. He told me he would give me one after I finish school. But he told me she is running out of time to have one.

I've even asked about marriage before, since we have been together for 6 years.

I told him that I don’t know how I feel about her having one, as she just got back into the picture.

I don’t know what else to say or do or feel about this situation. I need a lot of attention, and if she gets pregnant I know that I won’t be getting that anymore. Any advice?
 
Hi and welcome!

I have a lot of questions (and I'm sure others will too).

You say: "We just got back with an old girlfriend." Is this someone you have both dated together? Were you in a triad? Are you and she bisexual? Why did you break up and then get back together? Are things going well with her this time? Does she live nearby?

Do you live with your boyfriend? How old are you and he? How long have you been together? (Edit: you said 6 years.) Are you working towards a bachelor's degree in full-time college? When will you be done?

Of course, every pregnant woman needs a lot of attention. So, if the gf got pregnant first, she'd deserve attention from her bf (your bf) and yes, that would cut into your time, as would the early newborn/infant phase.

It's okay to talk at length. We don't mind long posts on this board.
 
We tried this when she lived in another state but she didn’t like it much that he wasn’t giving her attention. Now she lives in the same state as us and are now a triad. My partner and her get along well now. And me and her get along. We spent the weekend together to talk and go over things. She has never been in a triad before. And she said she loved him. Right now I do not live with him. He lives an hour away. He is 33 and I am 36. We have been together for 6 years. She lives like 6 minutes from me. I am working on getting my RN and will be done probably 2026.
 
Oh, she's not "way older" than you, at 36 and 44. I mean, it is 8 years, and does make some difference to the old biological clock, but yours is ticking as well, right?

Are you and she in a romantic/sexual relationship now? You live practically next door to each other. As her partner, you could also "give her attention" when/if she gets pregnant, right?

Maybe you are confusing a V with a triad. Gf wants more attention from the guy, not from you, particularly? And she loves "him," but not you? I am still a bit confused. Maybe you are a V, with bf as a hinge, and you are practicing "kitchen-table polyamory." But it does sound as if there is some jealousy/envy between you and her...

You've got at least two more years before you want to get pregnant. And if/when you do, you'll be in a new career/pay bracket and will want to be working hard, I imagine. Does gf work outside the home? Are either of you planning to be SAHMs, at least at first?
 
Will you keep three households? Or will that go down to two when one gets pregnant? Does Lady also wants to have a marriage or have a certain ceremony? Are you and Lady both mono-amorous towards BF or will you be in a relationship with her as well?
 
She expressed that she doesn’t like when girls touch her during sex but she likes to touch girls. I want to give her attention when she gets pregnant. Me and her give each other attention now that we had a weekend all together. And I like her more than ever. She took very good care of me and him this past weekend. She works downtown and we haven’t talked about being a stay at home mom. I am alittle jealous of how well they get along but I know me and my partner have our own connection. He promised me a baby after I graduate. I did ask him how would he support the baby and our life and he is still in school as well.
 
Will you keep three households? Or will that go down to two when one gets pregnant? Does Lady also wants to have a marriage or have a certain ceremony? Are you and Lady both mono-amorous towards BF or will you be in a relationship with her as well?
 
We talked about getting a house together. I told him I would like to get married but he doesn’t want to leave her out. He wants us both to live with him and feels happy when we are all together. He felt really bad when we both had to leave his place.
 
We talked about getting a house together. I told him I would like to get married but he doesn’t want to leave her out. He wants us both to live with him and feels happy when we are all together. He felt really bad when we both had to leave his place.
Why is BF thinking about fathering two children while still in school right now? When is he planning to have this child with Lady? When is he done with school? Does he have some savings to support you both? BF is being way over his head.
 
Why is BF thinking about fathering two children while still in school right now? When is he planning to have this child with Lady? When is he done with school? Does he have some savings to support you both?
That’s what I said to him. And I wanted to talk to her about that. He said that his mom can help her since his mom and the other girl live together. He has some saved up but it’s not enough to bring another life in right now.
 
That’s what I said to him. And I wanted to talk to her about that. He said that his mom can help her since his mom and the other girl live together. He has some saved up but it’s not enough to bring another life in right now.
I'm confused. So his Ex-Girlfriend is living with his mom? Could you explain that situation a bit more?
 
She expressed that she doesn’t like when girls touch her during sex, but she likes to touch girls.
Do you want to touch her? Have you actually had sex with her of any kind? Sorry to be asking personal questions, but we are anonymous here and I am trying to learn about your relationship dynamics, especially since there are potential babies involved.
I want to give her attention when she gets pregnant. Me and her give each other attention now that we had a weekend all together. And I like her more than ever.
So you're still getting to know her? Had she been in a relationship with you/and/or/bf for just a short time previously?
She took very good care of me and him this past weekend.
What do you mean?
She works downtown
Okay.
and we haven’t talked about being a stay at home mom.
Both of you want babies but aren't planning for their care, or saving up money to be able to stay home when the babies are very young? Childcare is increasingly expensive. Do either of you have family support? (Edit: I see you said this woman has support from your bf's MOM because she lives with her??)
I am a little jealous of how well they get along, but I know me and my partner have our own connection. He promised me a baby after I graduate. I did ask him how would he support the baby and our life. He is still in school as well.
So he can't support either of you financially, even for a while in the post partum period. But maybe gf, at 44, has a more established career and can afford to take time off from work to recover and establish a bond and breastfeeding.
 
That’s what I said to him. And I wanted to talk to her about that. He said that his mom can help her since his mom and the other girl live together. He has some saved up but it’s not enough to bring another life in right now.
Would you please choose nicknames for your gf and bf? It would help make this a bit less confusing.
 
I'm confused. So his Ex-Girlfriend is living with his mom? Could you explain that situation a bit more?
lol sorry I know this is a lot. So his mom and the other girl live together. My boyfriend was not with her at the time. They just now decided to try again.
 
lol sorry I know this is a lot. So his mom and the other girl live together. My boyfriend was not with her at the time. They just now decided to try again.
Okay. Trying again for a committed relationship or trying again just for the sake of a baby because her biological clock is ticking? Two very different incentives. Why is this other Lady with his mom? For the Baby? Something else? Is she going to stay there for long? Or until you are planning to have a house all together?
 
Maybe the other Lady was friends/roommates with bf's Mom first? And he met her through his Mom and started dating her? Maybe he used to live with both his Mom and Lady, but Lady moved away. But now she's back and wants a sperm donor?
 
Maybe the other Lady was friends/roommates with bf's Mom first? And he met her through his Mom and started dating her? Maybe he used to live with both his Mom and Lady, but Lady moved away. But now she's back and wants a sperm donor?
The other lady was met through his brother's girl. My bf's mom and the other lady became friends when she came down to visit. He used to live with his mom.

She is back. They talked, and then we all talked about how we want this to work.

But I am currently waiting on him to express more concerns about her having his baby. I don’t think it's the right time. We are in school.
 
Okay. Trying again for a committed relationship or trying again just for the sake of a baby because her biological clock is ticking? Two very different incentives. Why is this other Lady with his mom? For the Baby? Something else? Is she going to stay there for long? Or until you are planning to have a house all together?
Trying again for a committed relationship. But she does want another child because her clock is ticking. The other lady is with his mom because she could not get an apartment in her name right now. I think the other lady is staying until we get something bigger.
 
Trying again for a committed relationship but she does want another child cause her clock is ticking. The other lady is with his mom cause she could not get an apartment in her name right now. I think the other lady is staying until we get something bigger
She has another/more kid(s)? Is your BF the father? Someone else? Will they live with you too if you will get something bigger? Will BF Mom still be there to help if you make the move?

It is a lot when you are in school and have nothing built yet for raising children. How about take a pause on the Baby Talk and just see if dating and living together works?
 
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