My poly girlfriend wants to have a child with her husband.

Your boundaries are things you yourself decide you will and will not do. Simple example: I do not want anyone to put anything in my ass. I will say no. I will enforce this.

What you are asking is, is it okay for this long-term couple to tell you what you can and can not do or say.

You can, and should, ask your gf about anything you need to know. Her husband doesn't get to decide what she does in her relationship with you. You don't get to decide what she does with her husband, right? It goes both ways.

Please find and read the Secondary's Bill of Rights. That will save us both a lot of time. Read it, reflect on it, share it with gf as a tool for deeper understanding of what's going on after just two months into a poly relationship. (I think this bill of rights is in the resource sticky at the top of this page. I will check.)

Is this her first foray into polyamory?
I'll definitely check that out. This is her first serious relationship outside of her marriage since then being poly.
 
Your boundaries are things you yourself decide you will and will not do. Simple example: I do not want anyone to put anything in my ass. I will say no. I will enforce this.

What you are asking is, is it okay for this long-term couple to tell you what you can and can not do or say.

You can, and should, ask your gf about anything you need to know. Her husband doesn't get to decide what she does in her relationship with you. You don't get to decide what she does with her husband, right? It goes both ways.

Please find and read the Secondary's Bill of Rights. That will save us both a lot of time. Read it, reflect on it, share it with gf as a tool for deeper understanding of what's going on after just two months into a poly relationship. (I think this bill of rights is in the resource sticky at the top of this page. I will check.)

Is this her first foray into polyamory?
I also want to add that she doesn't believe in a hierarchy.
 
I also want to add that she doesn't believe in a hierarchy.

Yet her being married and nesting and planning a baby-- that's built-in hierarchy. She doesn't have to "believe" it-- but it is there.

If something happens to her during the birth and she goes into a coma or something, who is automatically next of kin? The husband. And unless she included you in her hospital papers, he doesn't have to let you visit. He doesn't have to call you at all.

You also don't become "co-primary" partners just two months in. It's okay to be "working towards co-primary," and over time do things like include each other in your hospital paperwork.

But because this is her first poly relationship, I think she's a bit naive. You might be also. I don't say these things to be unkind, but to encourage you to pace yourself, and keep on vetting.

You two are still getting to know each other. Initial attraction and initial compatibility might be there, but you cannot be a mind reader. Keep dating, and ASK about all the things you want to know. Encourage her to ask you things, as well. See if you two are deeply compatible or not. Time will tell.

Galagirl
 
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Do you think it would be overstepping my boundaries to bring up some of these things?
You have a right to have open conversations with a partner to figure out your relationship, her needs, your needs, how you can support one another and how you'll work through things that you don't agree on. Yes! Talk to her. Ask questions, listen, let things sink in and give yourself time to figure out how you really feel, then touch base on them again, if needed.

You two must decide how your relationship will go, but you cannot do that without open, honest communication.
 
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