Hello again readers! I decided to revive the blog for a while at least, because I don't know what to do with my life and I need help. So comments are very welcome! Here's the situation:
I'm falling more and more deeply in love with Marco the more we spend time together, whether it's in person or via text. And that makes me want to do a lot of big life things with him. I have no idea if any of them are actually possible at any point in the future, but I guess that's a conversation to be had. Not like what can he promise me, but more like what are the limits of this relationship. What are the things that will never be possible and what might be, with time. I feel like that's a conversation I need at some point, but I also think it's a bit early in the relationship for that.
Whether I'll be okay with poly long-term with Marco depends on what he's able to give me even though I'm not his primary partner. I can imagine being happy like this long-term if our relationship has space to grow. I don't know yet if it does though, that depends on Marco and Paige and how much they're willing to stretch the limits of their relationship. Time will tell.
I didn't ask directly how much our relationship has space to grow (which is something I've been pondering), but I do feel like it is growing, constantly, and Marco is just making room for it to do so. We haven't hit a limit yet.
As you see, I've been thinking about this for months now: what are the limits of this relationships and can I be happy long term with them. Me and Marco have now hit a limit and I'm not sure how to handle it. Recently we've been having a lot of these "where is this relationship going" conversations, always initiated by me. He'd be happy to just continue as we are, but he also wants me to be happy, so he's trying his hardest to make that happen. We've talked about living arrangements and what could be possible in the future. We briefly talked about all three of us living together, but Marco was quite hesitant about that, and then recently I found out something about Paige that made me realise that her and I would be incompatible as housemates. So that's not going to happen. We also talked about Marco dividing his time between two homes, like some people on this board do, but there are good reasons why that wouldn't work either. There is still the option of me moving closer to their home in the future, so that Marco wouldn't have to travel as much and we could possibly see each other a bit more. I guess that one is still on the table, but now I'm questioning if that would be enough for me.
I think I have three options (feel free to suggest an option I haven't thought of!):
1) Continue as we are now, with seeing Marco about twice a week and living alone
Pros:
+ I'd get to continue the relationship with Marco, which is pretty amazing in all the other ways.
+ I'd get to enjoy the freedom of living and making household decisions alone.
Cons:
- I wouldn't get to live with a partner, meaning I wouldn't have anyone to share everyday life with.
2) Continue dating Marco, but also being open to meeting a new life partner
Pros:
+ I'd get to continue the relationship with Marco.
+ I'd have the possibility of finding a live-in partner to share everyday life with.
Cons:
- That would mean continuing living a poly lifestyle with all its stresses about time management and emotional conflicts.
3) Break up with Marco and start looking for a monogamish life partner
Pros:
+ I'd have the possibility of finding a live-in partner to share everyday life with.
+ The dating pool would be bigger because the person wouldn't have to be poly, just... open to some degree of openness.
+ I wouldn't have the stress of a poly lifestyle.
Cons:
- I would lose the person I love very much and who is a great fit for me.
All of these come with their one pretty significant downside, so I could really use some perspective on what others would do in my situation. At the moment I'm actually, to my own surprise, leaning more towards option 2, even with the stress of a poly lifestyle. Number 3 feels the worst as a gut reaction because of my feelings for Marco and our great compatibility. Number 1 is what I'm doing now, and how I feel about it varies a lot.