Need advice on current situation

AcreoCrimsonstar

New member
I'll try my best to keep this short cause its a long story.

Significant other isnt talking. Not really.

He also isnt showing affection and pulls away when I try to touch him.

Thats the jist of it.

This afternoon, he got home and started fiddling with his new tech stuff he got in the mail. Barely said anything. Didnt even know he was back.

I've done yard work for him and he said he'd pay me. I asked for help with a bill yesterday but the system was down.

Today I checked and it was working. He was still working on his Ipod modification and seemed frustrated or something and didn't say a word. He threw his debit card on my desk and continued working. I said thank you and he said nothing. I took care of the bill and gave him the card, saying thank you again. He said nothing.

I went to the restroom and the door slammed. Ithought it was our 3rd coming back from his meeting at college.

I returned to the room and saw nobody was in the house, so I thought He went outside to test his thing in his car. I sat at the computer, filled out a job application and after a while realized he was actually gone. He left without saying anything. I got fed up with this and I left. Granted I am asking myself "am I crazy?" "Am I overreacting?" But this is an ongoing issue that I tried to talk with him about and back when I did, he just sighed and kept scrolling through his phone. Its weeks later and I still feel very disconnected from him. Its throwing my being out of whack and this is unhealthy for me. I dont wanna turn resentful or anything but I just keep getting the feeling he doesnt want to continue the relationship. He wont talk if I try.

Now there's more that has happened between us and that changed our relationship. I have apologized to him when I tried to have a deep talk but as I mentioned, he scrolled in his phone and changed the subject.

Is it time for me to move on or take yet another step back? I just started coming back around after taking weeks off from them both. Things havent been the same. He doesnt love me the way he used to. I try to show him that I still do but he's cut himself off. I feel this is my fault and like I ruin everything I touch.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I am sorry you struggle.

I could be wrong. But my guess?

At 19 and 21 these partners are very young adults. They might be struggling with figuring out adulthood along with the poly thing, and developing adult dating social skills.

It's not an excuse for poor behavior though. You might give an extra chance if young, but you aren't going to put up with this behavior forever, right?

I dont wanna turn resentful or anything but I just keep getting the feeling he doesnt want to continue the relationship. He wont talk if I try.
Have you asked directly if he wants to break up? You can't be a mind reader.

You know some people go passive aggressive and do stuff to make the other person be the "breaker upper" so they don't have to do it, right?

You mentioned something happening and you apologizing and him changing the subject. I don't know how long ago it was. If recent, maybe he needs time to process and do his emotional management first, so he's not eager to talk right now. If a while ago, and he's just "stuffing it down" or something? And it affects your present relationship? And he won't talk? You may have to let it go.

He doesnt love me the way he used to. I try to show him that I still do but he's cut himself off. I feel this is my fault and like I ruin everything I touch.

That's the thing. If he's fallen out of love? Doesn't matter if you still love him. It's no longer a two way street thing. It's one sided.

If this is how it is now? And you don't feel happy participating in a relationship with someone who basically doesn't talk to you/ignores you?

YOU could end it yourself. Stop participating here.

Because he no longer meets your personal standard for what you seek in a companion. You sound like you want to be with someone who actually communicates and is excited to see you/be with you.

Not all relationships pan out. That is a normal risk of any dating.

Don't turn things inward on yourself. Like you think you stink just because this dating partner didn't pan out long term.

No need to become your own self bully.

My 2 cents
Galagirl
 
Last edited:

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi AcreoCrimsonstar,

It sounds like your significant other is pushing you away. Do you know why he's doing that? It might be time to say to him, "We need to talk. When can we talk?" Get a commitment from him, or maybe he'd be willing to talk right away. When you do talk, maybe say to him, something like, "I feel like I've done something wrong, to make you want to distance yourself from me. Have I done something wrong? Is there anything I can do to make it right with you?" Then if he resists and reacts very negatively, you could follow up with, "Would it be better if we broke up? I'm not sure what to do here. I know I don't want to continue the way things have been lately. I feel like you don't love me anymore. Is that true?" Ask questions that seek to draw him out, without passing judgment. You need to somehow penetrate that wall that he has put up, if you can. Sorry this is happening, I don't think you're imagining things, he is distancing you. Approach him with that reality in mind.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
Top