My partner and I have been in a steady relationship for nearly seven years. for the last three to four years we have been in a mono-poly relationship. I am mono simply because I don't want to be with other people aside from my partner. But they wish to be with others. About two years ago they were diagnosed with HSV 2. They have had it under extreme control (only two outbreaks in the first few months) but it has hit them really hard emotionally and with their self-confidence. So I am hoping to get some advice on how I can help boost their confidence and help them get back out there to find another partner.
Need advice on how to help my partner in our Mono-Poly relationship
- Thread starter LeanBean
- Start date
JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
I don't know that there is anything that YOU (the HSV neg partner? - have you been tested? ever had symptoms?) can do to help your partner feel less stigamitized (other than NOT stimatizing them). HSV continues to garner a lot more attention than it is probably worth given that the vast majority of infected persons are oblivious and happily spreading the "joy" around unwittingly. So the few, responsible, people who know their status are burdened with the responsibility of educating all of their potential partners for the rest of the masses.
A majority of people (more than 50%) test positive for HSV 1 or 2 by the time they are 40. Knowing which type that you have been been exposed to doesn't necessarily tell you what body parts may be involved (HSV-1 prefers oro-labial, HSV-2 prefers ano-genital, but 20% of cases are in the "wrong" location). Transmission can be decreased by regular prophylactic dosing of antivirals and avoiding contact when pro-dromal symptoms are present. Education is the only answer that I have. She may want to ask prospective partners to get serological testing to find out their status (so they don't end up "blaming" her for an infection they already had). NOTE: HSV is NOT routinely screened for on STI panels - we generally only test if someone has an outbreak and we want to confirm the diagnosis.
JaneQ
A majority of people (more than 50%) test positive for HSV 1 or 2 by the time they are 40. Knowing which type that you have been been exposed to doesn't necessarily tell you what body parts may be involved (HSV-1 prefers oro-labial, HSV-2 prefers ano-genital, but 20% of cases are in the "wrong" location). Transmission can be decreased by regular prophylactic dosing of antivirals and avoiding contact when pro-dromal symptoms are present. Education is the only answer that I have. She may want to ask prospective partners to get serological testing to find out their status (so they don't end up "blaming" her for an infection they already had). NOTE: HSV is NOT routinely screened for on STI panels - we generally only test if someone has an outbreak and we want to confirm the diagnosis.
JaneQ
I'm HSV negative. My partner puts a lot of their self-worth in what their sexual partners say. So the fact that no one wants to be with them anymore, its caused them to give up trying to find another part but thats led to them becoming really depressed.
SEASONEDpolyAgain
Well-known member
Do you guys have many rules and regulations around who and how you can date?
Not really. As long as my partner is safe, healthy, and I know where they are and safety information I am okay with them being with whoever they want.
Hello LeanBean,
I'm sorry your partner has HSV-2. I hope they are able to regain some of their confidence, and get back out there to find another partner. I think the thing to do, is to remind them of all their good traits, their desirable traits. They're probably not thinking about that right now.
I hope they get feeling better.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I'm sorry your partner has HSV-2. I hope they are able to regain some of their confidence, and get back out there to find another partner. I think the thing to do, is to remind them of all their good traits, their desirable traits. They're probably not thinking about that right now.
I hope they get feeling better.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
This is really their own problem to manage. It sounds like you are an extremely supportive partner already. Maybe they can seek therapy to deal with their feelings and work on their self-worth?
You can't do that work for them.