Not picking a fight, huh?
If comments like this "I feel that i am very lucky to have full use of my arms and legs, and my brain, and that i AM able to roller skate." and comments about the marginational police are OK...and sarcasm is "flaming" go ahead kick me off. I want to find a site that backs up disability empowerment in the same way that this would back up gender issues.
I'm probably not going to get empathy - but I actually have had it harder than most people.
I'm sorry that I am so angry. I feel like overall my arguments are logical. Why is boring entitled and I am being kicked off?
I can see where you are coming from. I did not mean to use victim status. I did not at all mean to belittle anyone.
All I said was that people who haven't raised a child don't have that exact experience. They CAN speak to it, but from the outside.. is that belittling?
With good reason, because in your words they WERE your kids. When I say it's different if they're your own kids, I'm not talking about biological or even legal crap. The emotional connection is a HUGE part of what makes someone a parent. If YOU know that they are yours to take care of, to love and be responsible for, to make the tough decisions as well as the easy ones, then fine, they're your kids and your experience is absolutely on par with other parents.If you had told me then that I couldn't understand because they weren't actually mine and I wasn't on any legal status whatsoever considered a parent, I would have been crushed, and angry.
I would argue that, according to what you've related, she WASN'T a parent. And this isn't about opinions. Like assholes, everyone's got one, and they're entitled to it. The difference, as I see it, from someone who cares for children (sibling, babysitter, teacher, whatever) versus someone who raises children is one of perspective and sheer depth of responsibility, emotion, and knowledge. It sounds like you raised your siblings. You knew what it was like to do the best you can, not knowing for sure how things were going to turn out with this small life you were trying to guide. Others who have never been in that position (regardless of whether or not they've given birth) are not, imo, in any position to judge my choices or actions. Obviously they still CAN, but I'm certainly not going to bother letting their judgement have much influence over me if I feel like there is an important piece of the puzzle they're missing, having never experienced what I'm dealing with.There are people that have tons of hands on experience and are parents. Like my mother. I wouldn't want her opinion. She wasn't a parent, a mother, in any way. Giving birth is nothing. She is a woman who should never ever have had children, but she did. Her opinion is more valid than someone that didn't have children? Hardly.
The crap part is the narrow definition some have of how one qualifies as a parent. I maintain, having been on both sides of it (an opinionated person without kids, and an opinionated person with kids) that raising children gives you more knowledge and a different perspective than someone who has never raised children. The love I feel for my biological children won't be any different than the love I feel for my adopted children, so I totally understand what you're saying- biological connection has NOTHING to do with parent status. It's actions and responsibility and emotion. If you have those, you're a parent. If you don't, you're probably not.Honestly, the crap of 'it's different when you have your own children!' is just that, crap. I feel nothing different about the love for my own children versus the ones I raised or helped raise that were not mine. Hard for others to understand, but then if they aren't in that position I guess it doesn't matter? Should I not accept your opinion as valid as a parent because you have ONLY had your own children? Flip the switch, when you reverse things you start to see how you could have been possibly just as prejudice against others as you believe they are to you.
but someone could also say they are lucky to be straight ...would that be ok?
Should I not accept your opinion as valid as a parent because you have ONLY had your own children? Flip the switch, when you reverse things you start to see how you could have been possibly just as prejudice against others as you believe they are to you.
1. My son is ten. He wouldn't have to make that choice for quite a few years and the feminists would say (perhaps) he NEVER can make that choice - only pariticpate/advise.. as a man. So, the discussion is a bit premature.