Ok so me and my wife always been talking about having a open relationship...so we decided to try it out...and although the thought of my wife flirting and seeing other guys is a turn on for me. my wife has only seen one guy so far and they didnt do nothing. But while the time she was gone i had a anxiety feeling and my heart would beat really fast while she was gone. Is there anyway to overcome this feeling? When she flirts online i feel ok but when this happened for real i was feeling like my head would not stop thinking. Im all for it to happen but. Dont like this feeling. So can someone please give me some advice...is this normal or is it telling me not to do it?
Need some advice
- Thread starter ELxJEFE
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WhatHappened
Active member
Why would you continue to do something that leaves you feeling that way?
It normal to feel weird. The "old normal way of doing things" is gone and the "new normal way of doing things" isn't here yet. The transitional space in between doesn't feel stable. It feels "up in the air."
Sounds like HOW you are doing it -- jumping in cold turkey -- doesn't work for you. While you could expect some uncomfortable feelings as part of the price of admission to Opening the marriage? You could try to keep it to levels that are comfortable uncomfortable. Not all they way out to UNCOMFORTABLE uncomfortable. YKWIM?
That makes it sound like you expected her to hook up and come back with stories to share with you to get you off. Then reality hit. Your wife hooking up with some stranger on a first date? She could get raped or killed and left by the wayside. Or... realizing stories about (her + Dude) don't belong only to her. They also belong to Dude and he might not consent to her telling details about (her + Dude) to other people. Not even you.
So work on the HOW.
Maybe do these together first?
http://openingup.net/resources/free-downloads-from-opening-up/
Maybe look into apps like KiteString?
Could stuff like that help make the HOW of it more doable and less panic attack-y for you?
Galagirl
Sounds like HOW you are doing it -- jumping in cold turkey -- doesn't work for you. While you could expect some uncomfortable feelings as part of the price of admission to Opening the marriage? You could try to keep it to levels that are comfortable uncomfortable. Not all they way out to UNCOMFORTABLE uncomfortable. YKWIM?
That makes it sound like you expected her to hook up and come back with stories to share with you to get you off. Then reality hit. Your wife hooking up with some stranger on a first date? She could get raped or killed and left by the wayside. Or... realizing stories about (her + Dude) don't belong only to her. They also belong to Dude and he might not consent to her telling details about (her + Dude) to other people. Not even you.
So work on the HOW.
Maybe do these together first?
http://openingup.net/resources/free-downloads-from-opening-up/
Maybe look into apps like KiteString?
Could stuff like that help make the HOW of it more doable and less panic attack-y for you?
Galagirl
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Hi ELxJEFE,
I agree with the advice to take it slow. Also find stuff to do to occupy your mind.
I think you just need time to get used to this. Have patience for your emotional process, and don't get too worked up about it.
Hang in there,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I agree with the advice to take it slow. Also find stuff to do to occupy your mind.
I think you just need time to get used to this. Have patience for your emotional process, and don't get too worked up about it.
Hang in there,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.