Need somebody to talk too :(

D

Dinosaurr143

New member
Basically I am in my first poly relationship and I never thought I'd ever be in this situation so it is extremely confusing for me.

I'm 6 months pregnant with my first child and I love my boyfriend more then anything, he has been married for almost 8 years and due to my pregnanct I recently moved in with him, his wife and their two young children. Now my issue is I personally am a very sexual person and I strive for alot of attention, more so now that I'm pregnant. She kinda shuns him away 95% of the time and rarely wants or tries to get his attention. Anyways my issue is when she does want his attention, either sexually, intimately or even emotionally, I feel like I get put on the back burner and its almost like I'm not even there. This has been going for a few months now and it just seems like a pattern. I'm honestly starting to feel like I was brought in to be there when she doesnt want to be. For example today, I woke up (in the mood) got him in the mood then the kids woke up ok we paused made breakfast and he was affectionate and loving and I had to go take care of something for an hour I come home and he wants nothing to do with me because she (for the first time in a week) wanted to give him affection. I tried before bed to snuggle and lay close and have him feel the baby kick and he just shruggs me off and says he's trying to watch a movie and then she comes in lays down and he puts his arm around her like its nothing. I started crying and went to my parents house for the night. Then I text him to tell him how I feel and he's blows me off, then he texts me all this I love you, I miss you, I wish you didn't leave b.s.

How do I not feel like this? Is this a common feeling during the early stages of polygamy?
 
Omg! I'm 5 months pregnant just moved in with the boyfriend and girl friend they have 2 kids( I have one from a previous relationship on top of it though all boys having the first girl) We are in very similar situations. Lol perhaps is just that he is so used to her rejecting him that when she finally wants it he jumps at the chance. However he shouldn't be neglecting you to do so. Poly is so tricky even for the party that has mutiply partners. ( I didn't use to think so) Now obviously I don't know your boyfriend but mine seems to shrug off any conversation in which I get upset lately as"me being hormonal" ( driving me crazy because not all of it is but admittly some of it is ) so maybe he just thinks that what it is even though it's not. Cool down a little then try talking to him in person and see if that doesn't have a better result. The situation we are in is hard. Best of luck if you need someone to talk to Id be glad to message with you we are in crazy incredibly similar situations lol Also my boyfriend seems disinterested in all the baby things that I think are cool. ( like baby moving) I think it's because he's done it twice before. My girl friend actually suggested i hold him while we are sleeping he feels baby move he's actually more responsive to it and I get the kind of reaction I would expect to him feeling baby sounds off but totally workS.
 
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When you guys were seeing each other before, was it just the two of you alone? It sounds to me like you aren't used to being around when he is with his wife. That can take some getting used to. On top of that you are pregnant, which can cause you to get more emotional over things because of hormones.

It certainly wouldn't be fair to his wife if he ignored her for you all the time. Have the three of you tried to work out a schedule? It might make things easier than just hoping for some random time together.
 
Rennabear said:
Omg! I'm 5 months pregnant just moved in with the boyfriend and girl friend they have 2 kids( I have one from a previous relationship on top of it though all boys having the first girl) We are in very similar situations. Lol perhaps is just that he is so used to her rejecting him that when she finally wants it he jumps at the chance. However he shouldn't be neglecting you to do so. Poly is so tricky even for the party that has mutiply partners. ( I didn't use to think so) Now obviously I don't know your boyfriend but mine seems to shrug off any conversation in which I get upset lately as"me being hormonal" ( driving me crazy because not all of it is but admittly some of it is ) so maybe he just thinks that what it is even though it's not. Cool down a little then try talking to him in person and see if that doesn't have a better result. The situation we are in is hard. Best of luck if you need someone to talk to Id be glad to message with you we are in crazy incredibly similar situations lol Also my boyfriend seems disinterested in all the baby things that I think are cool. ( like baby moving) I think it's because he's done it twice before. My girl friend actually suggested i hold him while we are sleeping he feels baby move he's actually more responsive to it and I get the kind of reaction I would expect to him feeling baby sounds off but totally workS.
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I AM HAVING A GIRL AS WELL :D
I would love to talk :) lately I've felt like I'm alone with my thoughts because who will really understand the situation :p
I'm going to go home tomorrow and feel his vibe, normally her attention spans last 2 to 3 days then she goes back to wanting nothing to do with him. So we will see.
This is his 5th child (he has a few from a previous marriage) but my first and only baby. I got excited the first time I felt a kick and he was like yay and then one day, during my 5th month I was laying on my side and his arm was over me and the baby kicked his arm super hard and I was like omg did you feel that and he said ya she kicked me it's normal... He just said it so mono toned it kind of busted my bubble. The baby won't even kick his if wife touches my belly, even if she's kicking non stop for 10 mins she'll stop the moment his wife is near its crazy
 
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vinsanity0 said:
When you guys were seeing each other before, was it just the two of you alone? It sounds to me like you aren't used to being around when he is with his wife. That can take some getting used to. On top of that you are pregnant, which can cause you to get more emotional over things because of hormones.

It certainly wouldn't be fair to his wife if he ignored her for you all the time. Have the three of you tried to work out a schedule? It might make things easier than just hoping for some random time together.
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We dated for about a month just the two of us but then we broke up and I found out I was pregnant so we started taking things more serious and started working things out instead of fighting.
The three of us spend time together but she is just uninterested, she's always on Facebook or Instagram or texting somebody when we are cuddling in bed. He has two arms she can join but she chooses not to be apart of it
He has mentioned a schedule but he thinks it will also drive us apart at the same time. Plus I don't know how I fell about that because I know there is going to be a day when its her day and she wants to be alone so he comes to me and then she'll want him on my day and it will just be a mess
 
My goodness my boyfriend and I were also broken up gwhen I found out I was pregnant. This has turned out to be very exciting! Poly and pregnant Is rough! It would totally be nice to have someone to talk to! My girl friend ( I call her that but we are just friends no romance between us) had never tried to feel baby move and I try to just let it be. You guys are very new to this kinda life style together I think maybe there are just some kinks you guys need to work out. I've been at it for 8 years( but on and off) and I still find it hard with the pregnancy hormones on top. Has she always been like this? Maybe she's adjusting to you being pregnant. First time my girl friend was pregnant was kinda rough on us all but we were teenagers then. Schedules work great for some poly relationships personally if I couldn't sleep with my boyfriend every night or be around him when I wanted I would have a much hard time. We have"alone time" ( I hate that word and concept because in earlier years when we didn't all have jobs and schedules that worked out it was the term that was used when we wanted him to ourselves and it was a big jealous mess ) when the girl friend is at work and they do when I am. I've actually only slept in a bed alone with my boyfriend maybe like 4 times in those 8 years and it makes me very uncomfortable it makes me feel like our dynamic is off meanwhile my girl friend assumed I enjoyed sleeping alone with him and was just trying to be nice. There's a perfect example of a miscommunication in poly that was a big issue. ( I had a pregnancy moment and flipped out on her) but when she realized I didn't want to sleep alone with him she stopped sleeping else where. It just takes a lot of time and work but you guys will get there! :) O and my boyfriend is the biggest Debbie downer and bubble popper about pregnancy things I just wanna kick him! But he was that way with both his other babies so... It's just him maybe if you asked his wife how he was with hers it would make you feel better.
 
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Dinosaurr143 said:
She kinda shuns him away 95% of the time and rarely wants or tries to get his attention. Anyways my issue is when she does want his attention, either sexually, intimately or even emotionally, I feel like I get put on the back burner and its almost like I'm not even there.
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Hi, it sounds to me like you didn't have to confront your jelousy (envy) very much, because most of the time you have him whenever you want to. I think it is quite normal to feel some of this when you suddenly don't get what you want when you want it. I suggest you get to understand his side of things a little more, then perhaps you find out that wanting to be somewhere else at the moment is not necessarily a rejection, that he wants to be with her too when he has the option, and that you can focus more on compersion.

Having said that, he shouldn't reject your feelings and you shouldn't be expected to get out of the way any time automatically if she tells you just because she was the first one there or something. Does she disturb your one on one time too?

Dinosaurr143 said:
Then I text him to tell him how I feel and he's blows me off, then he texts me all this I love you, I miss you, I wish you didn't leave b.s.
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That sound a little instable, anyway, migh be the way he works. As I said, he shouldn't diminish what you feel. Try being specific with telling him what you want. What would help you to be more comfortable with their one on one time? Would you perhaps feel better if he came to kiss you and asked you to give them some space, before he leaves to cuddle with her? Is her wanting attention perhaps a little predictable, like during ovulation phase, could she ask you sometimes in advance to arrange something else for you in the evening? Do you have enough space for your own at their/your home, if you don't want to see them being affectionate? Any other ideas?
 
I am sorry you hurt.

I'm honestly starting to feel like I was brought in to be there when she doesnt want to be
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Were you?

I started crying and went to my parents house for the night. Then I text him to tell him how I feel and he's blows me off, then he texts me all this I love you, I miss you, I wish you didn't leave b.s.

How do I not feel like this? Is this a common feeling during the early stages of polygamy?
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I don't think this is about polygamy. This is about respect. Blowing you off is not kind. Is this a common pattern -- blow you off, then honey bunch sweetie pie to lure you back, then blow you off again later?

It might also be about roomie compatibility. How long have you guys been together? When did you move in? Where did you live before? Would you and wife having separate homes with him spending time at each work out better than everyone in the same house?

Galagirl
 
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Hi Dinosaurr143,

My first thought was that your boyfriend wasn't treating you very well, but could I be mistaken? How do you feel, do you want to continue the relationship, or are you just fed up with him?

Maybe the pregnancy has something to do with it, but I still don't think he's treating you very well.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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