Negotiating Weird Space, Sex

[IndieSolo]

GalaGirl, you misunderstood. She did not lie.

She told the OP she would only want to have anal sex with him under certain circumstances. She had expressed a fantasy to him, but that fantasy did not appeal to him, so they never did it, even though he'd been wanting anal sex with her for a long time.

After she and the OP eventually did have anal sex together, one of the reasons the OP was surprised was because they did not do it in her fantasy circumstance. For him, it felt special that it happened that way. It seems he thought she would only do it if she could have her fantasy come true. But perhaps it really wasn't a requirement, but just a fantasy! People often have fantasies that never come true, or that they would never really want to come true.

When she then told him she had had anal sex with someone else, she also revealed that the act was not conducted under those fantasy circumstances she had previously described as being the only way she would want to do it. That revelation, and the fact that she had done it with someone else she only knew a short while, made the OP feel suddenly not special anymore.

It seems that the opportunity just felt right for her at that moment (to do it with the other guy) and she was true to herself to just take part and enjoy anal sex, though her fantasy circumstance was not part of it, and then later was true to herself to do it with the OP. The problem seems to be OP's interpretation of it all and that he has taken it all as a personal affront to him.

 

[london]

She probably wanted to forcibly buggered and he got all judgey about girls who like it rough.

 

[GalaGirl]

Thanks, Mags and NYCindie.

I was tired and hadn't seen that POV. I can see that too, now that it is morning.

It would still be good to hear from the OP if that's how it went down in his thinking, or some other "think" for him in the moment.

What's the UGH? Is one thing? Is it a combo?

Her having rape fantasy stuff?
Her meeting dude lie somewhere?
Her communication style and blurting things out after sex?
Something else we haven't heard yet?

WHAT?

Hopefully the OP can clarify this thoughts, expand on that as he digs down, processes whatever he needs to process, and decides how to move it forward.

Galagirl

 

[Whisper]

Whisper's words of wisdom are needed in this discussion. So here it goes.

Love is like a cake. You can have all the right ingredients, but unless these ingredients are used in the right quantity, added in the right order, and allowed to cook together for the right amount of time, the result is one great big fail. And of course, even if two people bake the same cake, using the same ingredients, the result is never the same.

For love <3 <3 <3

 

[BoringGuy]

She probably wanted to forcibly buggered, and he got all judgey about girls who like it rough.

That's bad for the anus. Forced anal sex can cause serious injury, even if you use "tons of lube," like the people on reddit say.

 

[BoringGuy]

Whisper's words of wisdom are needed in this discussion. So here it goes.

Love is like a cake. You can have all the right ingredients, but unless these ingredients are used in the right quantity, added in the right order, and allowed to cook together for the right amount of time, the result is one great big fail. And of course, even if two people bake the same cake, using the same ingredients, the result is never the same,

For love <3 <3 <3

Another food analogy. (I said "analogy." LOL) Thank you for being original.

 

[BoringGuy]

Her having rape fantasy stuff?
Her meeting dude lie somewhere?
Her communication style and blurting things out after sex?
Something else we haven't heard yet?

WHAT?

THIS: OP wanted to be the OMG FIRST GUY EVAR to fuck GF in the ass. But she wasn't into it with HIM. Then she met someone who was good at it and did it to her with his fingers and she was so relaxed she didn't realize that's what it was.

Then she said, "Wow. I didn't realize it could feel GOOD. I thought it was something people just put up with to please their partners. If it's that good with your fingers, we should try it with your dick. How many fingers was that, anyway?"

"It was actually my whole hand."

"No way."

"Yes way. Let me know when you're ready to level up."

"OK. I just have to go to the bathroom. When I come back, we'll level up."

I may have one or two sentences that are paraphrased (after all, I wasn't there), but this is generally how these things play out.

 

[Magdlyn]

BG, you're fucking hilarious.

 

[CattivaGattina]

THIS: OP wanted to be the OMG FIRST GUY EVAR to fuck GF in the ass. But she wasn't into it with HIM. Then she met someone who was good at it and did it to her with his fingers, and she was so relaxed she didn't realize that's what it was.

Then she said, "Wow. I didn't realize it could feel GOOD. I thought it was something people just put up with to please their partners. If it's that good with your fingers, we should try it with your dick. How many fingers was that anyway?"

"It was actually my whole hand."

"No way."

"Yes way. Let me know when you're ready to level up."

"OK. I just have to go to the bathroom. When I come back, we'll level up."

I may have one or two sentences that are paraphrased (after all, I wasn't there), but this is generally how these things play out.

Is it wrong that I read the last line with level up music from Final Fantasy playing in my head? (Last conversation line that is)

 

[Whisper]

Is it wrong that I read the last line with level up music from Final Fantasy playing in my head? (Last conversation line that is)

... Final Fantasy?! You get +10 for this

As for you, BG, if I were Trey Parker, I would be offering you a job as "script writer" for the epic sequel to Orgazmo. (But only if Ron Jeremy takes a leading role, of course.)

 

[Inyourendo]

... Final Fantasy?! You get +10 for this

As for you BG, if I were Trey Parker, I would be offering you a job as "script writer" for the epic sequel to Orgazmo (but only if Ron Jeremy takes a leading role, of course.)

I have a GF ringtone and Kingdom Heart ringtone. lol

 

[BoringGuy]

You guyz. I am not trying to be funny this time. I am just telling it like it is. Or how it SHOULD be. In MY Universe. #incompletesentencesftw

 

[BoringGuy]

... Final Fantasy?! You get +10 for this

As for you BG, if I were Trey Parker, I would be offering you a job as "script writer" for the epic sequel to Orgazmo (but only if Ron Jeremy takes a leading role, of course.)

Whatever; I'm not sure I understand what that means to me. I think it's something good and not bad. However, just remember that +10 would not have been possible if it weren't for me. I am not going to insist that we split that +10, but I do expect you people to defend me next time someone says something hostile and counterproductive to me. That does not sound unreasonable, after everything I have done without asking for anything in return.

 

[Whisper]

Whatever; I'm not sure I understand what that means to me. I think it's something good and not bad.

Are you kidding me? Of course it's good!

I take it that you have not seen the movie Orgazmo with Ron Jeremy. Directed by Trey Parker.

WATCH IT NAO.

:3 meow

 

[Whisper]

I have a GF ringtone and Kingdom Heart ringtone. lol

You also get 10 Whisper points for having a Kingdom Hearts ringtone. :3

Sorry, BG, you cannot share their score. However, I do recognise that you have assisted them both indirectly. I will give you 5 Whisper points for the epic script. Now we need to send it to Hollywood and find you a director. ='3

 

[GalaGirl]

THIS: OP wanted to be the OMG FIRST GUY EVAR to fuck GF in the ass. But she wasn't into it with HIM.

The OP said they both had had anal with other partners before:

Both of us have experienced anal before. Hell, she's fucked me before.

So I don't think the disappointment is from not being the first partner ever to share anal sex with her.

But I was under the impression she didn't want to do that, and I was fine with that. I guess I was also under the impression that if she did decide to try it, she'd want to try with me. And ya know, maybe she wanted to try it with a stranger first. She owns her body, of course.

Now that I'm not as tired, and I've read more carefully, he seems disappointed that he thought if she'd want try try anal again, she'd do it with him next. But she shared it with the other guy first, and then him. He seems to accept that she owns her body and shares it as she wants.

If there could be other places of disappointment, all I can think of to suggest there is that maybe it's was also how she told him about the other guy. Or some lie came out. Or he's dealing with troublesome knowledge -- that she played out a rape fantasy with the other guy?

*shrug*

I don't think it has to be the end of the world. Just take a time out, let it blow over, and then figure out where to go from here, if they want to carry on together.

Maybe they want to change their agreements on where the TMI line is drawn? Or put a limit on location/time and not the data, like, tell me, but let's agree to not talk about other partners in bed right after we have sex. Talk to me dressed and in the living room instead."

Who knows? Only the OP can figure it out and resolve his feelings.

 

[BoringGuy]

OP has posted exactly 4 times, in this thread only.

Here are the things he says that apply:

I start teasing her a little with my dick, pushing against her asshole. I say teasing because we've never done it before. I've brought up anal to her in the past and always her response was that it would only happen under rather unhealthy circumstances, which I'm not keen on meeting. Except this time, she's moaning and into it, so we finally do it and it's great!

[She] added that she might not have wanted to do it with me if she hadn't with him first.

I told her I thought we were sharing something special, until she corrected me on that.

There's more context, of course, but both of us have experienced anal before. Hell, she's fucked me before. But I was under the impression she didn't want to do that, and I was fine with that. I guess I was also under the impression that if she did decide to try it, she'd want to try with me. And ya know, maybe she wanted to try it with a stranger first.

So Gala Girl, when you are rested and your brain is not fuzzy from the medication, please explain what it means when the OP is all "we've had buttsecks before, no we haven't, yes we have, no we haven't, yes we have, no we haven't."

He refers several times to "first time," "never before," etc. Then he's like, "Oh yeah, we've experienced anal before, sure, no problem."

Personally, I am starting to think we have another aspiring writer of sexual fiction in our midst. He's probably jerking off to this debate we're having as I type this.

 

[GalaGirl]

Thank you for asking for clarification.

I took it like they'd both had anal sex in the past with other partners, not yet with each other, in the form of him penetrating her. (She'd penetrated him, so they'd shared anal sex that way already.)

She was willing to participate in "male penetrating female" anal sex with him, if it came in "circumstances he found unhealthy." I'm going to call it "a rape fantasy" just to call it something. (Only the OP knows the details of what exactly "unhealthy circumstances" are.)

He was not willing to participate in "male penetrating female" sex like that at that time. So they weren't having it. They shared sex in other ways but not "male-penetrating-female" anal.

So he hoped if/when she decided to participate in a "male-penetrating-female" format without rape fantasy stuff, she'd share that with him then.

Time went on.

She did eventually share sex with him that included "male-penetrating-female" anal and no rape fantasies. So he was happy they shared something nice. He asked what brought that all about.

Then she revealed she shared anal with the other BF recently. So now he's feeling UGH because--

• Now he knows she shared anal-rape-fantasy sex with the other dude, and it squicked him out?
• He's envious that the other BF was the person she chose to share male-penetrating-female with no rape fantasy with first?
• She blurted it out awkwardly and made the cozy post-sex moment not so cozy?
• Something else, like a lie?

That's where I'm all confused... I guess until the OP speaks up, we won't know for sure. But whatever it was, they could talk it out, and at the very least, agree to not be talking about other partners in bed right after sex, if it is this off-putting for them. That could be a place to start.

Personally, I am starting to think we have another aspiring writer of sexual fiction in our midst.

That has crossed my mind also, but I'll assume positive intent rather than negative.

 

[BoringGuy]

Thank you for asking for clarification. That has crossed my mind also, but I'll assume positive intent rather than negative.

Yeah, I just find it weird when someone posts their very first post/s about something so specific and explicit and then disappears as soon as a lot of other people start arguing about it (not in an angry way, but going back and forth trying to figure it all out). This kind of thing goes on on Reddit all the time. It's been a while since I've looked at Reddit. I should go check the /r/sex /r/polyamory /r/nonmonogamy /r/kink subreddits and see if there is a similar entry to this. It has happened before; I've recognized stories from here over there and vice-versa.

 

[Inyourendo]

It made for some fun entertainment. lol