New and Exploring

venezualien

New member
Hi y'all.

So I'm a 20 yr-old bisexual AMAB (not sure if I'm a 'man' though) and I've been struggling a bit with the concepts of polyamory, and I guess also sex positivity, if this is the place to discuss that too. I semi-recently left a monogamous relationship that attempted monogamous --> polyamorous shift, but it just wasn't working out on both sides.

I generally have issues with how to structure polyamory, and I'm scared of opening up to people about it and not being desired for it. I'm in search of poly communities to learn more and sort of immerse myself in other people who can reinforce and normalize polyamory for me. Also, I don't know how common it is for poly people to deal with this, but I do struggle a bit with jealousy, and it's a bitch and a half because I've also in the past been very open to the idea of my partner seeing other people physically (although romantically is still a bit of a struggle because of ingrained monogamous standards about love and expression). Just a whole lot to sort out and it's hard to find poly people to talk about this sexual and romantic structure openly. Maybe the anonymity will help out, who knows? I'd be so grateful for anyone who wants to talk and link up a little bit!
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Hi!

The sad reality is there will be people who reject you for being poly. Eventually you will realize you can't be attractive to everyone. Your goal should be to be your most authentic self. There are people out there who will be attracted to that. Don't worry about the ones who can't handle poly, or bisexuality, or your preferred gender roles. They don't matter.

Everybody experiences jealousy at one time or another. The best way to address jealousy is to explore why you feel it. Is it because of low self-esteem? Or abandonment issues? Things like that.

There are many ways to structure poly and none of them are the only way. As you read about poly you will get an idea of all the different configurations.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Greetings venezualien,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I want to recommend a book for you to read, it is called, "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. Understand that nonmonogamy is the natural, normal state of the human psyche. Monogamy is an artificial construct imposed on agricultural society as it has existed for the last few thousand years or so. In hunter-gatherer societies, nonmonogamy was the norm, the natural state of humanity. In this industrial/electronic age, we as a human race are just beginning to rediscover ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory. What seems like a new thing, has actually been with us for a very long time.

In the same way, sex-negativity has been a recent development in human history, imposed on us over the last two thousand years. Humans are naturally very sexual and generally kinky, we have to force ourselves (using guilt and fear) to repress these natural states within ourselves. Humans are just now beginning to rediscover sex-positivity, and it is a struggle, with stubborn resistance from the status quo. It is up to you and me to be polyamorous and sex-positive, and thus put up a modern resistance to the status quo. It will not be easy, we will have to endure a certain amount of rejection as pioneers in these areas. You can be a part of a movement toward healthier sexuality.

There are many right ways to structure polyamory, you have to find the way that is right for you. An MFM V is probably the most common structure, but there are many other structures in addition to that. Your structure will include a state of questioning gender, and that is okay. Also know that jealousy is not alien to polyamorists, we all struggle with it at one time or another. You need to explore your jealousy in the areas around romantic feelings for others. Here are a few links that might help you in this regard:

I am very willing to talk and link up.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

hedgehog

New member
Hi y'all.

So I'm a 20 yr-old bisexual AMAB (not sure if I'm a 'man' though) and I've been struggling a bit with the concepts of polyamory, and I guess also sex positivity, if this is the place to discuss that too. I semi-recently left a monogamous relationship that attempted monogamous --> polyamorous shift, but it just wasn't working out on both sides.

I generally have issues with how to structure polyamory, and I'm scared of opening up to people about it and not being desired for it. I'm in search of poly communities to learn more and sort of immerse myself in other people who can reinforce and normalize polyamory for me. Also, I don't know how common it is for poly people to deal with this, but I do struggle a bit with jealousy, and it's a bitch and a half because I've also in the past been very open to the idea of my partner seeing other people physically (although romantically is still a bit of a struggle because of ingrained monogamous standards about love and expression). Just a whole lot to sort out and it's hard to find poly people to talk about this sexual and romantic structure openly. Maybe the anonymity will help out, who knows? I'd be so grateful for anyone who wants to talk and link up a little bit!

When it comes to how to structure polyamory, and being scared of opening up to people about it, I know what you mean. One of the most difficult lessons for me was finding out that it's just as dangerous ( or even more so ) to open up to other people who claim to be poly. Another poly resource you can try is the polyamory group on Daily Strength PS: love the "alien" in "venezualien"
 

FallenAngelina

Active member
One of the most difficult lessons for me was finding out that it's just as dangerous ( or even more so ) to open up to other people who claim to be poly.
OP, Hedgehog has a rocky history with this poly community and that's what he is referring to. This forum is a great place to explore your sexuality among a variety of intelligent, open minded and experienced adults.
 
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