New and needing advice

B

BahHiss

New member
Hey all,
I'm new to this polyamory life. I'm married and my husband gave the OK to begin a poly-relationship, it's the happiest i've been in years but i also feel lost.
I joined hoping for advice, because I really don't want to mess up my relationships but i don't know any one else personally that can guide me through this.
I honestly feel a bit lonely because i can't tell my family with out them freaking out and i would love to be able to introduce my second partner to them as just that when he comes down for my birthday instead of telling them he's just a friend.

Anyway, i came here for advice but hopefully to make some friends that understand where i'm coming from.

BahHiss xxx
 
Welcome BahHiss. Feel free to start a thread in the Relationships section, giving the background to your venture into poly, and asking the specific questions you need help answering. I'm sorry you're struggling.
 
Hi, BahHiss, and welcome to the forum!

Aside from advice about how to use the web-site (Kevin will be along shortly to give you that) and my standard advice to leave a line of space between paragraphs (your OP was short enough to cause no problems, but if you ever post a long comment, remember that it's easier for us to read if you include these spaces), if you want advice, you're going to have to provide us with more info.

The only advice I can give you on what you've described is:

a) You yourself have to decide to whom you're going to "out" yourself as poly. Without knowing your family, nobody can tell you whether you should or shouldn't tell them.

My brother (on a different continent) dropped a few hints (in letters to me) about being gay, but it was I who asked him right out... and told him that I was happy with that. He wrote back that he'd thought that I'd react like that, but had still been nervous, and was immensely relieved (and happy) at how I'd taken the news. Years later, 2 homophobe brothers outed him to our parents (to deflect their [our parents'] dismay from one of them [the 2 tattle-tales], who was resigning as a fundamentalist pastor because of his addiction to pornography). Anyway, long story short, most of my fundamentalist Christian family considers him [the gay brother] not only a heavy sinner, but also diseased... and pray for his recovery. Despite the fact that I've declared that - in MY opinion - his 20+ year-long relationship with his lover is the healthiest one in the family.

So, yeah, be careful about whom you tell. There are people on this forum who have been poly for decades without telling their families.

b) Although I've never done it, you might like to investigate the possibility of a local a poly social network that meets regularly to chat and have parties, swap stories and advice, basically set up a chance to relax with other polys, be open without fear of condemnation.

c) Use this site. Surf others' blogs, join in others' discussions, and start your own. (Use pseudonyms for your lovers, friends, and family members: protects your privacy... and theirs.) If you don't find anyone "live" to be open with and ask advice of, at least you can do that here.

You are among friends.
 
Greetings BahHiss,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I take it you probably won't tell your family about your poly-ness, even though you wish you could tell them. That is a lonely feeling. Perhaps some of that loneliness will subside through your participation here. You will be able to make friends here, I'm sure.

If you have any questions, just let us know.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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