New and want to introduce my situation

[Shell1980]

Hello we are a married lesbian couple 32 and 36 been together 6 years and married for 2. We are currently at our happiest time as we had our previous problems.

Anyhow my wife has been on friendly terms with a lesbian (we'll call her sophie) on a facebook social group from another country and been talking to her for over 2 years. Im not a big social person via groups on internet so i knew they always talked but then i started for whatever reason to get more involved socially and was chatting to others and sophie in the groups. So then sophie and i got more chatty to each other via whats app and started speaking every day. My wife and her would always chat separately. I'll admit that shes attractive but was keeping it on friendly terms with light flirting/banter because I'm married.

However things changed around after a few weeks of chatting and sophie was hinting at me she liked me and obviously i was flattered with the attention. She would also telll my wife that she liked me. Kept saying she would want my wifes permission to flirt with me more and start a potential 3 way relationship. Obviously i just kept putting her off til the point off we near fell out and i wanted to stop talking to her because it was getting to much. My wife became aware of how serious shes being about it all.

So i approached my wife and we discussed how serious sophie was being and how we felt considering we have never met sophie the feelings are there including jealously on my part. We have all video chatted together phone calls etc. Sophie is kinda saying to me that she mainly wanting me and my wife and her get on better as friends. Dont want my wife assuming that she'll automatically be like wanting her sexually to.

So before this situation developed sophie is going travelling in around june to few countries and we had arranged to meet her. Now its looking more like a meet for a potential 3 way relationship thats even if the meet happens!!!!

Thoughts please

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Shell1980,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like things have taken an unexpected turn for you and your wife. I see a possibility of polyamory here, maybe a triad but things are moving rather fast. If things do go further, you will have a long-distance dynamic to deal with. Which is almost good in a way if it slows things down a bit, but it won't be easy. It's really a gamble no matter what you decide to do. Things could get rocky if you get closer to Sophie, but if you don't, then you'll always wonder "What if I had" and will perhaps wish you had. But it must be you that makes the decision. You, and the three of you, I suppose.

I wish you the best, and hope you'll keep us posted.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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[Magdlyn]

Hi Shelly, welcome to the board!

This isn't the correct forum for asking for relationship advice. You should repost your situation and questions over in the Relationships section to get feedback. But I'll jump in here in the meantime.

I'd like to caution you about Sophie's idea of a 3 way relationship. Triads are VERY hard. Most poly people, even when coupled, date separately. Many newbies to poly think 3way relationships will protect their two person relationship, but it rarely does. All the one on one r'ships in the triad develop separately, and it is quite difficult to navigate that, even for those experienced in poly.

I am glad you and your wife feel stable now. But if there are any lingering issues from your difficult times, opening to poly will shine a spotlight on any issues that were there...

Your wife has been talking to Sophie for years. Yet she and Sophie are just "friends," penpals, so to speak. You've been talking to S for just a few weeks and yet she is sexually attracted to you, and flirting. Asking your wife if that is OK.

Why would any of you think this holds potential for a 3way relationship, a triad? Is there also sexual attraction between S and your wife? Flirting and innuendo? Or not?

I would think it would be good to all just meet as friends and then and only then determine if it's going to be a solid triad, or just you and S as lovers, and S and your wife as good friends. Things could get icky if you all attempt sex but there is obvious chemistry between you and S, but no chemistry between S and your wife, and they both force it to keep things "equal."