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waxingwaning

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Hey everyone! I’m looking to learn a bit more about how to make polyamory work. I’m an 35 year old cisgender straight white male from the UK who has been part of the BDSM community for around four years and polyamorous for around two years. Unfortunately, since I found the site, my relationship with my nesting partner has ended. One of the reasons she listed was that I’m “not as far with polyam as I am.” Truthfully, in the past few months, I’ve realised that I need more support with my insecurity, stress, paranoia and jealousy than I could do by myself and am now going through the process of seeking counselling.

I guess I’m looking for a breadth of further reading on how to create communication in polyam (as I’ve found it shines a light on any cracks), finding balance and especially how and who to communicate with about insecurities that arise through living this lifestyle.

Thanks for having me on board! Talk to you soon 😊
 
Welcome to the group.

For more information, you can search terms here. Communication and jealousy are very very common topics.

If you want a comprehensive book, I can not recommend Opening Up more highly. It really covers all the bases on the most common problems and pitfalls of dating and loving in an ethically non-monogamous way.
 
Greetings waxingwaning,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

In addition to Opening Up (by Tristan Taormino -- it's a super good book on open and poly), you might also want to read the book "Nonviolent Communication: a language of life," by Marshall Rosenberg. You mentioned wanting to work on communication, and that book is a great place to start. Sorry to hear about your nesting partner breaking up with you, I admit I don't understand what she means when she says you're "not as far with polyam" as she is. In any case, I hope this forum can help you. It's nice to have you with us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks everyone!

I’m very aware that at the moment, I’m working on a lot of mental health topics that I think will then help support me in my polyamory too. Like, communication is key in polyamory, and if I’m being overly defensive because I’m insecure, it’s going to push others away from wanting to communicate and then create separation and long-term issues. Everything’s cyclical by the looks of it!

I’ll see if I can get active in due time, but this community and website came very highly recommended!

Thanks for the warm welcome! x
 
No problem; just take it one day at a time.
 
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