New Board Space Idea

starlight1

starlight1

Active member
Anyone think the board could use a blog space for "Used to be poly?" I mean myself and a few others fall into this category, and I was wondering what other opinions on this might be. I don't want to close up shop just because I am not longer poly, *Right now* and I don't know if I will be again, I am of two minds. But I also don't want people who come to the website confused about what poly is and isn't based on so many of long timers who WERE poly but aren't now.
But also makes us not feel like, we can't be part of the whole thing?

Thoughts, ideas other suggestions?
 
I sure would miss you guys if you felt constrained to go elsewhere, and we would lose some of our best voices. You do have a point though. I'm not sure that a Not Poly ghetto would be a less off-putting solution.

Leetah
 
I have gone in and out of active poly during my tenure here. Never felt a pressure to be actively poly in order to participate. I don't sense a social expectation for members to be keeping their "certification" active - quite the contrary, actually. If one keeps up with the posts, it becomes pretty clear that there are plenty of long termers who aren't doing poly, but are enormous contributors to the community. As many people have said, this is a great place in part because so many members are experienced and reflective about relationships in general. I dunno, do we need to make a declaration that having multiple partners at all times is not a requirement of involvement? Don't we already give the impression that all viewpoints are welcome, as long as they're respectful? I, for one, would not wish to identify myself as either poly or not and I don't really see others that way. If we make a "Formerly Poly" ghetto, as Leetah says, we are formalizing a separation between those in the group and those outside the group - which to my mind is not good for the community at all.
 
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Welcome!

We just need a place to showcase your work!
I figure as long as we all share from an honest clear place it's all good... This is a Discussion forum and to me all views are relevant if on topic.
 
:eek::eek::eek:
I never at all meant to suggest a ghetto! And far from what I was thinking.

Just think of my brain and suggestion like an oragniser file system on a computer. I simply saw a need for a new sub forum and went huh that might be useful? :confused:

Appologise if I offended, but I did NOT intend to ostracize anyone. That would be like saying hey everyone I wanna put a scarlet letter on myself BY CHOICE. I know I have shame issues..but i'm not that bad ;):rolleyes:
 
Rockit49 said:
We just need a place to showcase your work!
I figure as long as we all share from an honest clear place it's all good... This is a Discussion forum and to me all views are relevant if on topic.
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LOL! That's true. I probably should...BUT it isn't about honesty as it is internet protection for my kids. I'm still thinking there's a .2% chance that I can get them back. And while I'm out in my local groups, there's no real harm in that because it isn't a detailed file of it on the web.

A general family court wouldn't try to go that far, but who knows what my ex would do? He's done some pretty crazy things in the name of "love" and "family".

So unfortunately the best I can do is PM someone if their interested. :)
 
Re (from starlight1):
"Anyone think the board could use a blog space for 'Used to be poly?'"
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Hmmmm ... interesting idea! Hopefully the admins will take notice, and take it under consideration. (Though for the record, I'll say I don't mind if non-polys post on any board here.)
 
starlight1 said:
:eek::eek::eek:
I never at all meant to suggest a ghetto! ....Appologise if I offended, but I did NOT intend to ostracize anyone.
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I think you're taking the responses too much to heart. This is a discussion about a mere forum section and no one is offended or feeling ostracized. "Ghetto" is just hyperbole and often used metaphorically.
 
What she said!

I merely meant that if your concern was that newcomers might be put off by all the "formerly poly" members, then lumping those together would just make them all more noticeable.

Leetah
 
I've addressed this previously. In one sense, polyamory is an outlook, a way to see the world, specifically intimate relationships. Having had the experience, even to having thought deeply & positively about it, it's difficult (maybe impossible) to return to defining the world as only "monogamy" & "failure."
 
I’m new here and greedy for info from multiple perspectives. It seems more like a forum for thoughtful relationship discussions. I can see a separate used-to-be-poly thread being a useful quick-search tool for people looking for that viewpoint, but i think some thougfulness on how it was presented would be needed. As in, that could be a specific area, but not meant to keep formerly-poly people out of the other discussions. But from what I’ve seen so far, I think if it’s a useful tool people would use it accordingly and not abuse it. It may just need testing to find out.
 
It occurs to me, isn't this what the "tag" function is for? Making it easier for people to find stuff? But maybe tags are either passe or too avant guarde for casual users? I tend to forget about them but I figure I am not a typical internet user. Ray insists that I can't use my reaction to things as guidelines for understanding the general population.

Leetah
 
The Tag function is kinda cool, except it doesn't allow later additions, so requires the OP to be aware not only of how it'll come across upon reflection but predict how the thread will morph. :rolleyes:

I am surprised nobody has mentioned the obvious. :( But then, maybe it's NOT obvious & needs restatement anyway --

Go start a Social Group: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/group.php

I started a thread a few months ago about how to set up your own group, & how to choose among the options, but now I cannot locate it. Briefly: the person who sets it up can choose who is allowed to post to the group's threads, which aren't listed in this main directory, affording a degree of privacy AND keeping out posts from people who haven't been allowed to join
 
Ravenscroft said:
The Tag function is kinda cool, except it doesn't allow later additions, so requires the OP to be aware not only of how it'll come across upon reflection but predict how the thread will morph. :rolleyes:

I am surprised nobody has mentioned the obvious. :( But then, maybe it's NOT obvious & needs restatement anyway --

Go start a Social Group: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/group.php

I started a thread a few months ago about how to set up your own group, & how to choose among the options, but now I cannot locate it. Briefly: the person who sets it up can choose who is allowed to post to the group's threads, which aren't listed in this main directory, affording a degree of privacy AND keeping out posts from people who haven't been allowed to join
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Yes you can add tags after the OP. The original poster of the thread can add up to 5 tags, regular users can add up to 2 tags each person, and moderators can add unlimited tags. As you can see, i have added 2 tags to this thread just now.
 
On the one hand, some relationship advice is universal, whether you're poly or not, and sometimes it helps those who are new to poly to see that they don't have to be that way forever.

On the other hand, not having poly relationships doesn't mean you aren't poly. It just means you aren't acting on it at that point in time. So I'm not sure I would say anyone "used to be poly," just that they used to have poly relationships and currently aren't. (Semantics, though... we might be saying the same thing.)
 
As a new member of this forum and someone fairly new to polyamory, I don't have any preference on whether a new sub-forum is created or not. I DO want to hear from people who used to be poly and are not now, though. Too many forums become echo chambers where everyone posting shares the same mindset and experience. This forum does not seem to suffer from that problem and I think that is one of its strengths. So to anyone who used to be/do polyamory but is not currently, for whatever reason, please know at least one newbie values your perspective.
 
Ravenscroft said:
Ye, but only adding "groups" & "tags" may not be particularly helpul. :( It's not widely used.

When someone involved adds a Group, then maybe it will be a Thing...
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I didn't do it to be "particularly helpful". I did it to show that it is *possible*.

Why don't *you* go add some tags now, or are you only good for being naysayer around here? Maybe that will be a Thing.
 
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I’m indifferent to adding a sub-section for non or formerly poly. Maybe someone start a thread about the experiences of non-poly, inactive or formerly poly folks? That would be interesting.

I’ve found the the social group function not used much. I joined a few when I first joined the forum - they were not active. But perhaps I am unaware of such activity.

I value the people who take the time to post or respond, who interact with others here, regardless of how they currently identify. I think it speaks well that folks who no longer think of themselves as poly or non-monogamous stick around and still participate.

However I do want to maintain the ethos of this forum as a place where poly and other ethically non-monogamous relationships are the focus. There are a plethora of places to discuss relationships but relatively few where poly, ethical non-monogamy and open relationships are the focus. It would be a real loss if polyamory.com turned into a general relationships forum.

I don’t think this is an imminent or even long term possibility. But I like to point out the value of a poly focused forum even if much of our discussions are applicable to all sorts of relationships.
 
ref2018 said:
Why don't *you* go add some tags now
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Because it is mostly a "cute" function of limited utility. The Search function is quicker & more accurate, & has much better reach.
ref2018 said:
or are you only good for being naysayer around here? Maybe that will be a Thing.
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Seeing as it's YOU doing all the unhelpful squawking, I don't get your point. :confused:
________________

Since (unhelpfully...) nobody has leapt up to provide this, here's the site FAQ about Social Groups --
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/faq.php?faq=vb3_user_profile#faq_vb3_social_groups

Having a Group has distinct advantages over Main Forum threads.
  • a given Group isn't difficult to find (& can be freely promoted in the main Forum), but being a little "out of the way" its threads are less likely to get dragged off-topic, especially if Moderated (see next)
  • the Group founder can set it up so that the Group is Public (fully accessible to all site members) or Moderated (all posts must be approved by the founder before they appear publicly) or Invite Only (only those who are approved by the founder can launch or add to Group threads)
  • a Group that is Invite Only gives its members room to discuss things freely amongst themselves without concern for getting derailed by others: while nonmembers can of course read the discussions, they can't freely jump in. I've suggested Groups for "couple seeking our third" (so that they can compare notes & support each other) as well as polygamy & closed triads
  • though I can't remember how it works on this site, elsewhere if the founder of an Invite Only decides that someone is being disruptive, that person can be "disinvited," booted from access
  • FWIW, the Polyfidelity group had 115 members (#2) & 10 threads (#9), though its popularity faded two years ago
  • though often given a geographic purpose (nation, region, state, city), there are Groups whose focus is on religion, creative pursuits, living situations, & body image; there's even a Group for unicorns (41 members)
  • the biggest bummer about the Groups listing, though, is that its Search function is VERY literal: if you search for poly, it'll seek those four letters as if bracketed by a space on each end, & thus overlook the ones that instead use "polys" or "polyfidelity" or "polyamory" but not " poly " in their title & description
A Social Group here is somewhat similar to a special-interest group (or SIG) in the ACM or Mensa.
 
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