It is common for men to have much less luck than women in poly; you are not alone.
Sounds like you did not do much research before you started this adventure or the above would have not been any surprise to you. And you didn't give much detail so anything anyone responds to you is guess work. I'll take a stab at it
My guess is you are not too thrilled with how this is working out or you would not have posted this here. So here are a few questions
(1) who initiated this new arrangement? If you did, its not uncommon for men to be thinking with their brain below their waists when they initiate swinging or open marriage unless they have read the most popular books and understand that women control non monogamy. We can go out with five wedding rings on and 99% of men will care less if the opportunity for no strings sex is available. Some say married women are like catnip to men. Now reverse that and probably a much smaller percentage of women are interested in getting involved with married men.
We are allowed to go to swingers clubs without you but very few will allow you to go without your wife.
What you need to decide if you want this bad enough to as you were just advised to have the patience of Job or if you are unhappy enough to redo this deal. And yes you have that right.
If your wife initiated the opening of the marriage and you went along with it, that is also not a great indicator that your chances of success and joy are great. And if she already was flirting and encouraging another man before you even discussed it, that is not OK.
I suggest if you have not that you read two books
Opening Up
Not Just Two
And pay attention, which many do not, that you have entered in to a new relationship that can destroy your marriage as well as enhance it.
Now since you have also not stated how long this has been ongoing, you better be prepared if your wife is inundated with men who want to meet her that eventually she is going to find one or more than one that she is going to want to spend more and more time with, maybe spend week ends with, and the list goes on. Are you prepared for that because again you have no mentioned ANY boundaries or agreements. And are you prepared for that while you still struggle and are not happy.
Now you may get advice from folks who have two husbands who are monogamous, don't want to date, and are content to have it that way. You appear to be a man with no low sex drive, no low confidence, and the desire to NOT be a stay at home partner while your wife dates galore. So what someone elses husbands do is not relevant to you if that is an accurate description of your mind set.
Some of the more frequent posters may respond to you. Since no one knows you or your wife from Adam or Eve, I'd recommend you pay the most attention to those that look at what further information you might provide and do not project what THEIR situation or spouse. They are not you.
I may have totally misinterpreted your motivation. If so, I apologize in advance. I hope you find some peace and that what is bothering you gets resolved.
