New to being poly.

So, I'm a cishet 40 white male. I'm married to a trans man. He was female when we were married. I've gone through a journey and determined that I am straight.

We started Okcupid accounts, he's been getting a lot of likes. I've gotten none.

Is finding a partner going to be more difficult for me, seeing how I'm straight?

We're not looking for a unicorn. We each want to have our own partners, and come home to each other.

Are there better places for me to look? We want our partners to be in a committed relationship themselves.

Or should I resign myself to having people perceive me as gay due to my marriage, and just hire the occasional sex worker?

My husband isn't having any problem meeting people, due to his being trans.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Middle of a pandemic is a tough time to be meeting new people, but OKC is a good start.

You've given us no idea what you have written on there so we can't tell why you aren't getting any interest. You sound like you want to do a sensible approach to poly (dating separately) and as for the coming home to your husband, I hope you'll both spend nights and getaways with any new partners, in time, once the relationships are established.

But who are you? What makes you tick? What makes you datable? Right now you're simply a somewhat available guy. Does your OKC profile communicate your interests? Your individuality? I wouldn't be interested in someone because their wife became their husband. I'd be interested in someone because of who *they* are, not who their spouse is. I'm likely not alone in that respect.

And by all means, hire a sex worker if you wish, that's not mutually exclusive to entering the dating pool. It makes you sound a little despondent, though, the way you've written it. I might leave that out of the OKC profile if I were you 😉

Have you asked your husband to help write your profile? He knows you really well and could probably help. I'm guessing that the interest he's getting is a mixture of genuinely cool people looking to date him as him, but there is likely to be the ones who are fetishizing the gender change, so some of those numbers aren't going to make the cut.

Quality over quantity, write your profile to find someone of quality who will be attracted to your qualities.
 
I do have him mentioned and linked to my profile. I want to have everything openly available. I do have a lot about myself written into my profile, my hobbies and interests, etc.

Should I remove mention of him?
 
I wouldn't expect removing mention of him should be necessary, simply ensure that you take centre stage of your description.
 
Is this a more common thing than I thought? Because I'm totally in the dark.
Is *what* more common?

Poly dating and relationships? Probably.

Poly dating because your spouse has changed gender from their AAB to what they identify with? Not so common.
 
But who are you? What makes you tick? What makes you datable? Right now you're simply a somewhat available guy. Does your OKC profile communicate your interests? Your individuality? I wouldn't be interested in someone because their wife became their husband. I'd be interested in someone because of who *they* are, not who their spouse is. I'm likely not alone in that respect.
100 % this. Realistically, yes, you are going to get fewer messages than your husband, probably have to do more of the reaching out to people. That's the reality of dating as a married poly dude interested in cis women. But I can say that when I was more "on the poly market" as it were, I got lots and lots and lots of messages from dudes who, well, frankly the only thing their profile offered was a flesh dildo attached to an enigma of a person. As to that? no thank you. BUT if someone *interesting* messaged me, who I had things in common with? I always messaged back even if I didn't think I had time or space to date them.

What isn't actually clear from your post is whether you're looking for sex, or looking for a relationship - your phrasing in your post here is *very* unclear on that. The words you use are more about you trying to fill a sexual need, but I still get the impression you're looking for more than that?And if that's the case, yeah, Evie's right - you don't need *every*one to be interested in you, you need *someone* (or maybe someone's, but stilll) to be interested.
 
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